LearningL8

U asked if u shld just listen or give advice. it depends on him. Is he asking 4 advice? If not u may want 2 tred lightly. If so give advice then. He may or may not like it so be ready for an argument---hey, that's life!! But if he is a good friend, just be there 4 him and encourage him. Let him know that u DO care and it WILL get better with time. Hopefully he'll learn this on his own. Once he starts to date again, he should start recovering. I did, although I still think about her. I just find that she is starting to fade finally. It's taken some time. Well i rattled long enough. bye LearningL8

EYEOFTHETIGER#1 Thought u were done with her! I think your best bet would be 2 keep her n the past and 4get about getting her back. Start dating agn man! It helps----TRUST ME!! LearningL8

Mmmmmmmmmmmm!!! My Mouth is watering! Just thought I'd check in with ya grneyedscotsman. Haven't been in this forum in awhile. Thing's are going good with a new love interest. Still using your advice too! It's working!! Thanks for all your help! Take Care of yerself!! LearningL8 Over and Out!

Holly, am I missing something here? Did you not say, you both "Mutually agreed" to break-up? I'm not going to waste my time or yours describing the definiition of 'mutual', because I'm certain you know what it means. So, how can you say "He dosen't care by not calling?? Can't you call him just as easily? If you miss him like you say you do, call him. If he brushes you off in anyway, let it go and never bother with him again. You will not lose any self respect for trying since the break-up was mutual and I assume you haven't already tried talking to him. I think you should be allowed ONE phone call-(sounds like jail). Just tell him in your own words, you're calling to see if he would like to sit down over coffee to talk . If he flat-out says, "No", and dosen't go any further than that. Let it go. Because I'm sure if he was saying -no because of the time you wanted to meet-was bad for him/ because of other ingagements, he would say so and ask for a different time to meet. That is IF he is interested. Call him up. BUT>>>Be prepared for bad news. It's a gambling decision. Good Luck! Go get him Holly!!

I'm back from a wonderful evening with a very attractive young lady. I feel great! It's hard to believe I'm finally dating again without missing my ex much. I'll admit, she did pop into my head a few times, but then I was able to put those thoughts aside and give my date some attention. You'll be happy to know I did'nt shower her with affection. Infact, she showered ME with affection. I actually had to say, "Slow down a little baby"- when I kissed her goodnight. And now she wants me to call her tomarrow. Should I? I told her I might be busy. She asked me what I had going on. I told her I just had alot of personal chores and running around to do. Is this what you meant by not being too available at first and not be too available? Once again, thanks for the info/insight grneyedscotsman! And as you always end your posts "Godspeed" 8)

Very Good Advice Grneyedscotsman!!!!!! I've been using alot of your advice, and although it's not magically bringing my ex-girlfriend back to me, I now realize I don't even need her to be a happy man. I'm thinking about myself first for a change, and am finding my self-esteem is gradually returning to normal. I am finally planning a date tomarrow (saturday) with a new interest, but am happy to have the new wisdom as my hearts armor. I'm not even worried like I use to get before a new date. I figure, "Hell with it if she dosen't like me (though I'm certain she will--What's NOT to like??!!)". I will be sure to try your advice and not talk about myself too much, if at all. I'll change the subject toward her if she asks me to tell her about myself. Like you said, women love mysterious men-better yet, mysterious confident men!! I'm very happy you became a member here, and look forward to reading anymore of your posts. Later! P.S. What does "Godspeed" mean?? Is that like saying ; "Godbless"? Just curious. LearningL8

[Let's face it, BREAKING UP SUX! I pose a difference of opinion regarding, "Remaining friends". By chosing to do so, you are only going to be torturing yourself as you stand in total support of your ex-girlfriend-in all that she does. It's as though you become an emotional tampon, without the benefits of a true love relationship. Without friendship, true love cannot exsist. However, there are other factors to this fact. You don't want to hide your REAL feelings, (that you are indeed in-love with your ex). By not showing this, you are putting on a false-face and only trying to kid yourself and your ex. My advice is this... Tell your ex, though you love and care for her with all your heart. You simply cannot continue standing on the side lines while some other lucky bastard is seeing the girl you love. You will be open to seeing her ONLY if there is not a third party involved. Besides, it's not fair to the third party either. I would stop with that. Hopefully she'll understand. Unless you truly mean it, I would avoid saying, "Good luck to you both". Instead I'd op to say, "Take care of yourself". No need to tell her to call you if dosen't work out. I would assume she should already know that by you saying, you cannot simply stand on the sidelines witnessing another guy with your gal. She should know you have strong feelings for her and about the relationship. By exiting the relationship-though it will be very hard at first, you will allow yourself some time to heal. It will take time, but "time heals all wounds "they say. Hopefully you will discover your ol' happy self again! Just don't be a jackayss 8) Take Care! [/i]

Stop calling him. Play Hard to get and Mean it!! While he's busy playing two women and knowing he could have either one of you that he wishes, the true master of herself will throw him for a loop by not being such an easy catch. Think of it this way.... Two identical cars..same color,same model, same everything...that is except the price tag. Car#1 cost $18,999.95 Car#2 cost $4500.00 Now the car dealer tells you your the 50,000th custumer and you can have the keys to either car you wish absolutely free of charge all tax's paid and all. Which car would you take? Of course you would pick Car#1 because the ASSUMED value. Well, you need to place that value on yourself. Once you do this, you'll realize you don't really have to have your ex-boyfriend...you could get any guy you want because you know YOUR the best. But ..... remember not to be overly cocky. Just self-assured and confident. Find some classy clothes and don't over-do your make up. Suttle make up and light perfume is the best amrketing tools for a TRUE lady. Remember to talk with a calm and self controlling-self confident voice. Stay busy with things..I.E; a hobby, girlfriends, dating, excersising, work, shopping, and reading. Always focus on self emprovement..For YOU, not Him!! And then, the day he ask you out, tell him "no" a few times. I GUARANTEE this will work when put to the test! Take Care! Professor LearningL8 -OUT St. Louis, Missouri U.S.A. 8)

St. Louis, Missouri U.S.A. Well Dude. It sounds like you picked the wrong time to get envolved with this woman. The one thing I learned in my 38 years is that you should never step into a freshly desolved relationship with anybody, unless your not that interested in anything serious with them. I had in the past made a similar mistake as you. I thought I was in love. I guess it was more like I was in love with the challenge of winning her heart. She was very confused at the time and caused me alot of unnecessary grief because she couldn't commit. The more I pushed for a more serious relationship, the further away I drove her. Till finally she was gone. Now here it is 4 years later and she did get a divorce, and is now getting married to someone else who just happened to meet her at the right time in her life. I know I was good enough-good looking enough-and confident enough. I just lacked wisdom. Wisdom would have told me before anything got started that you just stay away from women that are going through a troubled relationship. They will use your shoulder to cry on and may even use you for sex several times, but they will never give you respect for entering into their fradgile relationship...atleast in my experiences. Take Care. And hopefully you will find a single attactive lady out there.

Oh my gosh! In my most humble opinion...I think you might need a few weeks on you own. That way you have a better idea of what you want. And then, if it is Steve, (and I'm sure it is),I agree that you should pursue him...with flowers and all! After all, you broke the guys heart, but he's man enough to live on with life. I think that in itself deserves some attention. I really do think you need some YOU time-to sort it all out in your heart and head. Good Luck!

What the heck is the matter with these women and anniversaries? I had dated a lady for almost exactly one year when she decided that she wanted to end it. Out of the fricking blue to me but just a day before our first year anniversary. Needless to say, I was a little... I also thought everything was going great. We were engaged to be married June 15th,2003. Suddenly she decided there just simply wasn't enough time for her to get out with her friends and family. I never once told her she couldn't go hang out with her friends, so what the hell? 8) July 16th came and our lease was ending so I went my way and she went to live with her brother accross town. At first I handled it fairly cool, 8) because she called me a few times to tell me she thought she maight be making a big mistake, but still felt it necessary to take a break from one another. I felt confident that we would end up back together because like I said, It was a great relationship. We had few fights and none of them were that serious. A month later we decided to meet for dinner. I thought this was to be a step back toward reunion. I thought wrong. At the end of what seemed a great date, I asked her if we coould start making small steps toward getting back together. She said, " Dave, I can't right now". I assked, "When do you think you'll be ready"? She answered, "I don't know, maybe six months to a year if we do at all". At this point she was crying and then I too felt some of my own tears making their way down my face. I hated that emotional build up deciding this was the time to make me cry...right in front of her. So I'm sure she thought I was weak for allowing myself to cry. Still, this changed nothing in her mind that would lean toward us getting back together. Here it is over 2.5 months later, and I'm having as much trouble now as I was before dealing with this breakup. That is what brought me to this forum. I hope I could find a little inspiratrion and hope, but know deep inside all hope I have is futile in returning her to me. If it is to happen, it will come directly from her heart and mind. Not because I begged her to come back. Because I know with all my heart, I didn't do anything to harm our relationship- to cause her to want to end it. It is something she decided(Like so many other women do) - the grass is greener and has more freedom on the other side of the fence. Well folks, I hope you all find some wizdom from the sacrafice your hearts made. Take care and God bless you! Dave