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WomanWriter

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WomanWriter last won the day on August 27 2009

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About WomanWriter

  • Birthday 01/29/1977

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  1. Your window of opportunity is closed. No more will you be able to take me for a ride while you got the rebound there as your security blanket. Not that she is secure, because you guys have been on the rocks since the beginning, but at least she doesn't demand much from you. I know why you normally date women who live hours away---so you can say you're in a relationship but don't actually have to put in the effort or develop true intimacy. You don't have a phone and apparently haven't been online, so the only time you see her is at your weekend job for a couple hours. Must be lonely the rest of the week with no one to talk to or spend time with. But I guess you have your fantasies and your porn addiction. I realize now that you are terrified of me. I know the real you and that scares you! I was in your life in a major way and I think you got scared of the pressure. You said that I was the one who had one foot out the door, but I see that it was both of us. You have major, major issues with commitment--to your job, your friends, to completing anything, to keeping your word. You're a contractor because you don't like being told what to do. You are sensitive to rejection. You hate admitting you are wrong. You're just all around fearful of messing up and being evaluated. Knowing what I expect from you, you want to run for the hills. I think you do miss me and want to be with me, but know it will require effort and you fear that. You don't want to put in the effort and don't want to admit responsibility for anything. That's really sad. Is it so hard to keep your word? All I wanted was honesty. If you didn't want to have dinner on Wed. night, you could have said so and I would have accepted it, but you had to bring it up. Why bother? Why intentionally lead me on and say you want to get back together and then waver? Just say yes or no. You want me but without the effort. If it's going to require giving something of yourself, you don't want it. I was right not to trust you. Trust must be earned. How could you accuse me of not being there for you when you have not been there for me all along. Goodbye.
  2. I'm not surprised...I didn't have an expectation, so I'm not too disappointed. A little sad that I didn't get to see you, but I'm used to you not being around and am still enjoying seeing other friends at church. You told me you would come early today to have dinner. You didn't show. Pastor said you didn't lie, just are incapable of following through. I know you probably relied on your sis for a ride and she said no at the last minute. I wish you would have found a way there and planned earlier or contacted someone to let them know. But, for all I know, you may have been with your gf or talking to her. It's sad, really sad. Pastor said to keep encouraging you and that he's sure you have feelings for me, just don't think down on you. I see that your gf relationship status is still "It's complicated" as opposed to single. I'm expecting it to turn back into "In a relationship" any day now. It doesn't hurt me so much anymore when I look because I have no expectations anymore. Since you told me you still have feelings for me and want to be with me but haven't acted on it, that has kinda helped me move on a little. It's irnonic. The closer I feel I am to getting back together with you, the less surprised and disappointed I feel when you let me down. Isn't that weird? I know how you operate and nothing you do surprises me. You say a lot and don't follow up on it. You really are messed up. I don't believe you are lying, just really unsure about what you want. You just react to everything as it comes up, don't plan ahead and think about things. I do think you probably feel bad for missing tonight and are probably afraid to face me because you remember how I got when you let me down before. But I'm not even going to mention it next time I see you. I won't be mean. I'll be friendly as I am to everyone else at church. But I'm not going to say anything more about my feelings until you bring it up. You know how I feel and the rest is up to you. I don't know what else you need spelled out. If you really care, you don't show it in actions. You really don't care if we get back together or not, I guess. I'm sure you care for me as a person, but I'm not worth the effort. No one is, after the honeymoon stage. Not even your gf. So thanks for givig me the incentive to move on. I'm still here if I'm here, but I'm done making the moves. I would love for you to surrender to God, like you claimed to want to do so badly, but I'm not holding my breath. I'd love for you to sort things out together, but I'm not waiting for it either. If I meet someone else, I will go for it. But I'm not forcing myself because I honestly don't have an interest in dating anyone else. I simply have no desire to be in a relationship or get married unless it's with you. I've never felt like that before. I rather be alone. So I'll see ya around, I guess.
  3. Well, B, your ex girlfriend and I talked a lot tonight after church. She said you were never serious with her and never said the things to her that you said to me. She also said the two of you never did anything remotely sexual beyond a kiss and never said "I love you." For some reason, this made me feel even more sad because you were head over heels for me...telling me you loved me every second, always holding my hand, always mesmerized by me. Even your former student, S, said everything was different with me (he brought it up). He said "You guys were so cute together. I've seen him date other women, but none of them looked as right for him as you did. He'd always cudde u, hold you...the way he lookedt you..." Your sis said the same. So I ask, WHY? And your ex gf says she doesn't think you even know what the heck you're doing and there is no explanation available. She thinks I shouldn't have told you I love you. I told her that you claim to never see your girlfriend. She said, "Well his sister says he's never home, so I don't know about that." Is it true? You said that everyone is wrong and that you never see her, that you're just keeping yourself busy so you don't have to think about us. For some reason, I believe you and I don't know why. I believe you because you really DID seem to care for me more than anyone else. You acted like a clueless jerk, but I don't even think you meant to. But I still can't believe that you didn't emotionally cheat. Your ex says you're just saying that you didn't cheat because you have no feelings about anyone but yourelf, so why not lie? I don't know. What difference would it make anyway since everyone thinks you did emotinoally cheat? Why tell ME otherwise? Funny how no one mentioned seeing your gf at the BBQ. Your ex talked about the BBQ and how you guys played games. I just think it's funny that no mention of the gf was brought up. I didn't ask either. So maybe she didn't come? Maybe YOU didn't even come (did your sis throw it?). Just weird.
  4. I think about you during the day and dream about getting back together with my ex fiance at night. I'm screwed in the head. I told you a few weeks ago that I still love you and you didn't respond, although you said you never lost your feelings for me--whatever that means. You're still with your girlfriend. I guess I'm getting over it. It's not really consuming me anymore except it's an hour before church so I wonder if I'll see you. Not really sure what I'll assume. For some reason, I think you might be there. You tend to go in cycles. You don't show up for a while and you think God is going to rain down fire and brimstone on you, so you have to make an appearance every few weeks. But then you get comfortable again and disappear with your girlfriend. I'm not really angry anymore that you don't know what you want. I feel sorry for you and I also relate to you because maybe I don't know what I want either. The fact that I feel that I love you yet I dream about my ex fiance is puzzling. I know I loved him more deeply than I love you, yet you're the one I want to be with for some reason. I really wanted to make it work with you. I thought we complemented each other well...minus the problems (and aren't there many...). I supposed if you surrendered completely to God and got therapy, I'd take you back if you broke up with your gf. But I accept that the chance of that happening is 1 percent or less so I am already moving on in my mind. And just because I feel like you gave up on me, I am starting to really just not feel like talkiing to you anymore. It makes me wonder if I really do love you because I want to talk to you if I think we have a chance, but if we don't have a chance, I don't want to talk to you. I know it's just to protect myself, but it makes me understand how you must have felt before. You had an easier time moving on because you accepted that it was over. You took my word for it and moved on. But in my mind, even though I was the dumper, we still had a chance. Kinda sucks because you never did know how much I cared until it was too late, but I am not going to wait for you anymore. God's will be done. He knows how i feel and he knows how you feel (or don't feel). He knows what's right. I just pray that I can be fine tonight with whatever outcome...you there or not there...doesn't matter...just don't mention your gf around me and it will be ok.
  5. Today was so hard for me. K took me out and we talked about our pasts all day, had some tears, and talked about what we wanted out of our futures...to both go back to school and develop some new hobbies. That would help a lot. I'm going to look into finishing my MS this week. I also want to see about taking some dance classes, maybe photography--which is what I've always wanted but never tried. It is hard now though, being home. Just remembering how we played pool on Memorial Day. You sat on my lap. We were matching shirts and kicked the other team's butt (and it was my first time...ya!). You showed me how to get the balls in the pockets and I improved fast. You were so proud of me. We had so much fun and we didn't even drink. I remember making out on the bar stools and N kept going "Yuck!" and he slammed his que on the pool table. Then you drove me home to your house in your sister's car and tucked me into your bed, kissed my cheek and told me you'd be there soon. Went back and played some poker, but was bored and missed me and came home and snuggled with me. Now you are probably playing pool with your girlfriend and our friends. I don't even want to imagine it. She's probably getting drunk with your sister and you may even be drinking as well, probably smoking. Makes me so sad how awesome we were together. I wonder if you are missing me. I can't imagine you having more fun with her because we had such a fun time. You seemed soooooo happy with me even though we were sober. I'll never forget you sitting on my lap, holding you from behind. You and I were so lovey dovey. How could you replace me? I hope you cry tonight from our memories. I hope you aren't letting her sleep on my pillow. That was MY pillow. Make her go home. You said you felt so safe with me there in your bed. Doesn't it make you sad to have someone else there instead of me or am I that replaceable?
  6. I was right. You didn't come. Weird how you disappeared since we had that personal talk 2 weeks ago. I think maybe you are scared to be around me. Afraid you will become emotional? I know how it is. I also know what you're doing this weekend because of your gf, unfortunately. Oh well, go through this. I am supposed to pray for my enemies, and I am trying.
  7. Well...wow...your ex girlfriend is dating your best friend's step son. I tell you, I could write a book on the weird things that I've experienced in my life. From my ex fiance's girlfriend living with my nephew's friend and now this. This is just too much. I have that sick feeling in my stomach this morning. The pastor's wife said I can sit with her family, but I feel uneasy about the situation. I don't know if you'll be there or not. I vote for "not" because it's been 2 weeks, but you made such a show of saying how you were getting involved again. You are such a liar. This morning I got an email from our friend, N, with one line: "I won't be going to B's BBQ after all." I wonder why he felt the need to tell me this. Probably had a fight with someone else who is coming. Anyway, there are friends that are not involved in all that drama and I guess I should stick closer to them. I'm not going to mention you anymore just so I don't have to learn every time you take a dump. It's crazy. Last time we talked, you and I decided to try the "friends" thing, but I told you I can't just yet. So I don't know how today is going to be. I'm going to leave it up to you and just focus as much as possible on church. I really just wish you would never come anymore...at least not for a long time...join another church someplace else. It throws me for a loop when you're gone for a while and come back. I refuse to leave my church family on behalf of you. So I'm going to have to make the best of it and resolve to be civil but not overly forthcoming. You want to talk, go out of your way because I really don't need it.
  8. I was shopping with my mom and niece today. It's hard when my niece asks for you. I remembered the time you said you wanted to see that movie with the dark-haired little girl and then you commented, "Since I'll never have a little girl like that, I might as well see her in the movie." What was that all about? I asked you and you didn't respond. I really don't know why you said that, especially since we were planning on going to a fertility doctor the day after we broke up. But anyway, it was so hard shopping without you. We looked at baby clothes and all I could think about was the time we looked at them together and picked the ones we wanted for our kids. I saw little Buzz Light Year pajamas and thought of you. I felt so emotional. I also saw Pooh Bear and remembered how you told me all about baby furniture, how you used to help people install it at your old job and wanted to start a business with me, consulting new parents. It's so upsetting that we could still have that but you are off with your rude girlfriend who makes fun of you. I can't believe how tender we were together...always cuddling and looking into each other eyes, always building each other up with scripture verses and holding hands in church, dressing alike, talking so openly and from the heart about touchy things...and now this girl is makign fun of you. How could you stand it since you are sensitive? You said you have walls over all the people who hurt you and you let her treat you like this? Why didn't you shut her out then like you did to me? I don't even get it. I go on a trip for one week and you feel abandoned, but she treats you like garbage and you stay with her. I guess it's true that guys like bad girls. I'm too good of a woman. I treated you with kindness and understanding despite all the thigs I felt at first. You KNOW I did. I was critical yet I was still supportive anyway. I am so cool. You and my other ex said I was the coolest, and I am. I really am. But I'm not sexy, not bad, not strong. I'm a weak, passive person like you both think I am and that sucks.
  9. Why does your stupid girlfriend keep popping up all over my FB pages? I seriously don't know what you see in her. Did you know she was making fun of you today and saying how you are special ed? I wanted to kick her butt reading that seriously. I remember when you confided in me that you felt like you weren't as intelligent as you should be. You asked if I could help you read better. And now this little hussy is making fun of your intelligence. I don't know why I am feeling protective when you basically chose her over me. You always said you didn't have walls with me and felt so safe and never trusted someone like me. You said I was your true love and you cared for me so much. And now you are with this girl who puts you down and is so nasty. You always said how you dreamed of meeting someone in church and having a family with her, dedicating your kids to the church and teaching Sunday School. How your dream was going to come true with me. You played me a song and dedicated it to me...a song about finally finding a real lady and you cried so many times, telling me that you've never met anyone you felt as close to before, not even your own family. So how could you be with this little freak? I honestly don't get it. Why would you put walls up (as you say) against me and not her after how she treats you? I have to say, that hurts.
  10. I honestly had so much fun at the church social without you. If you would have come, I would have been nervous and thinking about you the whole time, but you didn't come and I was laughing my butt off with everyone else. I'm glad our friends came without you. I got to spend time with them without you there and it was GREAT! So even though you will have our friends on Monday (at the BBQ I'm not invited to), I am still going to maintain friendships with our friends. I asked them if they want to hang out after church on Sundays and they said yes. You won't be available at that time, so I can still be friends with them without you. I feel much better. Monday is just one day, so have fun at your little BBQ. Our friends told me that I should crash your BBQ and just be civil to your girlfriend. I said I won't. They said you wouldn't mind. I'm sure you wouldn't. You'd probably love it, actually. But I wouldn't give you the satisfaction. I already made plans with someone else. If you ask, I'm not going to tell you who the plans are with. It's actually with my friend, K, but I'm just going to say "oh, a friend." Let you wonder. Nobody wants me to leave the church and says I shouldn't have to go on account of you, especially since you never go. I felt so much better and wanted that our friends actually care about me and want me to stay. I told them I might be leaving because of you. They said to just sit with them during church and get used to ignoring you because that's the real world. I agreed and said I would stay but it would be hard because now I have to face the fact that you are gone and we cannot be friends while you are seeing her. Maybe if you dump her, we can talk. Our friend, N, said "Maybe his girlfriend is the one who likes him and not vice versa." What IS it with GUYS?! As if you have no mind of your own? I laughed and told him that was a stupid thing to say, as if your girlfrined forced you to be with her. He said "What is B supposed to do? Dump her? She didn't do anything wrong." I told him that's also stupid because why be with someone you don't like? But whatever. If you insist that you don't even like her like that and you still want to be with her, then hey...whatever floats your boat. That is dumb. N said he thinks it's great that I told you I loved you and he's sure you are very happy about that. Yeah, whatever. Happy about that. Uh huh. That's nice. So was my gay best friend in high school when I liked him. "Aww, how cute" huh. Oh well. I actually feel ok. Much better than expected. Knowing that our friends still want me around and like me without you in the picture makes me feel good. I can still have fun without you. It's not quite the same, but it's better than you being there with your gf. Just make sure you warn me before you bring her around because I honestly never want to meet her. If you want to hang out with our friends, can you do it when I'm not around? Let's take them in shifts. I really like being around you but I don't want to be around you because then I stop paying attention to them (I notice you do). It's not healthy. I know you still have some degree of feelings for me based on the way you look at me and pay attention to me out of everyone else, but you're with someone else, so either break it off clean or stay away. There is no in-between and I'm ok with that now. No friendship.
  11. Ok, I'm sick in my gut. I think I'm getting to the point where this is it. I just went on FB and saw that your sister invited your girlfriend to a labor day BBQ at your guys' house. It makes me want to puke since you and I hosted a Memorial Day BBQ together at your house just months ago. Your gf responded that she would love to go and will be working with you on a jet that day, but will try to end early so the two of you can go. So much for "never really seeing her" and not being attracted to her. I need to stay as far away from you as possible. You are obviously still going strong with her. You made it sound like nothing. I can't help it. I just gotta stay away from you!!! How will I handle you at church? What will I do on Labor Day with ALL OUR FRIENDS being invited to your BBQ except me?! It's like being ex-communicated to an island all by myself. Makes me want to die!
  12. This is the third time in a row that you missed church. Your family and ex gf too! Is there something going on? Did ya'll change churches? Someone said you all were getting high. I hope not! Wow. The last time I saw you was when we had that talk. What happened? You said you'd be back and you had plans to come back to Sunday school as well as work on the committe. I think God has answered my prayer. I am not to be with you now. We are supposed to be equally yoked and I don't believe you are actually Christian. It's just something for you to do once in a while. Really sad because you used to participate in everthing. It's only after our break-up that you've almost disappeared. But then, your gf isn't Christian, so you'll probably drift away. It was easier not seeing you though. For a while, you weren't on my mind whatsoever. I enjoyed the fellowship of our mutual friends without you around. I could get used to it and I'd be fine. But still, it's sad too in a way. There was something in class that spoke to me tonight. A dad was talking about how he always wanted to jump in before his son made a mistake. But he felt God telling him to watch and see what his son would do. I immediately understood. God wants me to WATCH and SEE what you DO. If I am the one to talk to you about my feelings, how will I ever know if I can truly trust you? If you really wanted to be with me, you'd be convicted to break up with your non-Christian girlfriend and you would talk to me. I have problems trusting you so it is up to you to prove trustworthy. And right now, you are not looking trustworthy in any sense of the word. So the answer to my prayer is no. No, I should not be with you. No, I should not tell you how I feel any further. Yes, I should encourage you. Yes, I should pray for you. Yes, I can watch and see how you're going to act and be responsive towards you should you decide to commit to Christ 100 percent (and to break up with gf). But the answer for this time period is no. You are not ready to surrender to God and I think I am. I am ready to do His will if he calls me. I'm not ready in the human sense, but I am willing to be used by him. I can't say the same for you. You have your own timing. So I'm not going to be dramatic and say goodbye. I'll miss you. But I'll probably see you around. I neither have to hang on or let go. All I need to go is focus on God, watch, and wait. I don't need an answer about ever being with you. If the time is right, it will come. And if there is never the right time, then someone else will come OR someTHING else will come. I believe God will deliver us both, maybe togeter maybe apart. But I do know that right now is not the right timing for us. You have shown that with your lack of commitment to the church through your actions, the fact that you are still with your "rebound," and the fact that you never did tell me you loved me when I said the same to you. So all that speaks as the answer. Maybe I'll see ya in church.
  13. Nothing you say adds up. You told me that you "fell hard" for some girl right after your divorce that you took two years to get over...and that's why you were scared it would happen with me. But when we started dating, you told me that you didn't date anyone because you were "so messed up from your divorce." So either one of those had to be a LIE. Also, you have had like 20 girlfriends. How is it that you were married for 6 years and had 20 or more relationships in a 4-year time period (since you didn't start dating until you were 20)? And I know one lasted for almost 2 years. So were you seeing them simultaneously or something, or were they like 2 week-long relationships? I can't believe how you can get serious with people so fast. Like you just pick up a woman and she's your girlfriend...then get bored and go on to the next one who is already waiting. The thing is, when I think about you, I forget all this stuff. My ex fiance and I were each other's first real serious relationship and first sex partner, etc. So I compare the way he acted when he dumped me (crying, upset) and when I dumped you (you seemed unphased). But then I have to remember that my ex fiance was not a player. He and I had very little experience. You can't compare to me because you have had all these women, so of course it would be easy to get over me. I'm just one of many. Your family said it was different with me. I'm surprised it even lasted 6 months. I think I was your 3rd longest relationship. I have a hard time believing you were with your ex wife for 6 years. Oh yeah, most of that was a LDR...now it makes sense...so you wouldn't have to do very much. It hurts so much to think about you. When you're around, I feel a pull towards you like a chemical thing. I remember how tender you were and how we dressed alike, etc. You didn't seem like the player type at all then. You were so sweet and nerdy sometimes that I can't believe you are really this womanizer. We wore our matching dorky bike helmets, we spent all this time together and it wasn't even sexual most of the time. Just lots of laughing, sharing, activites. Why do people like me see past the bad qualities even though we KNOW they are there and we hate them? I always complained about you and yet I didn't want to break up with you because I enjoyed you. I feel cursed that we could be so open and honest. I don't know if I've ever let my guard down like that. It's like I trusted you more than anyone and yet I yhink you're the most untrustworthy person ever. I don't get it! I told you my most private secrets and when the two of us talk, you seem so open and willing and such. But then you have a need for attention from many women. It's like you are honest in the moment, but only in the moment. You then change your mind and you flit elsewhere. I just feel terrible. It is harder to get over you than my ex fiance! I feel so empty and hopeless now. I had false hope and was going to try to get you back, but the more time goes on that you're still with your "rebound," the more I realize you probably did set me up to break up with you so you could get with her. And I don't anticipate you breaking up any time soon because it's long distance and that works well for you so you can base things on a fantasy. I bet when some new girl comes to the church, you will suddenly be broken up with. Watch. There is a new woman coming to Young Adult services. She was there last week when you weren't. She's pretty and brunette---your type! Watch...you're going to have an "epiphany"..decide that your gf is not Christian and you have to be with someone Christian...oh, hey, the new chick is Christian...hey, "let's be friends." Oh no, I'm not attracted to her. She's just nice. Oh why not?
  14. I'm ashamed of myself. I thought I was going to take the job, but I didn't. What will I say tonight when you see me at church? I am the wishy washy person you think I am. My ex fiance told me I was wishy washy once and I said "No, I like what I like." He said I couldn't make up my mind and was always changing it. Now I see what he means. And I see what I did to you. I did jerk you around. I always had one foot in and one foot out. You told me that you didn't feel secure with me because I was always ready to leave and couldn't give you the hope of marriage. Well, you were right. And now you have apparently moved on from me and I decide I want you back. I am very ashamed of this. I don't want you back because you're unavailable though. I want you back because I miss laughing and talking and cuddling with you. I do love you. I'm just keeping this to myself because you are with somoene else. And you know, I don't completely trust you yet I still want you. I am ashamed of that too. I do love you because of the traits you have and in spite of the traits you don't. I don't think you purposely lie to me, but you just say stuff in the heat of the moment. My grandma thinks you are kind of slow and backwards. You think she loves you, so I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings, but I think she's right. In some ways, you are clueless. But sometimes I think you use that as an excuse just because you can. I see that you're whole family is kind of relationship-limited, so I know it's not just you. They just don't know that you're supposed to be considerate. You guys are like little kids. To be honest, I'm like that too. I am self-centered, self-pitying and immature. I am ashamed of this too. I have a lot of shame. I struggle daily between thoughts of making a move and just avoiding you forever. I have wondered--am I bipolar? Are you? But I don't think I am because I am never that happy or impulsive. You? Actually, that seems very possible. I know something is wrong with me though. I know I'm codependent and depressed, but I think something else is wrong with me too. Narcissim? I don't know, though, because I do think I care about people. I definitely feel ashamed at the slightest chance that I hurt someone (well, depending on the situation). I don't know. What is the term for being obessive? It's not OCD, I don't think. Borderline? Therapists just tell me I'm insecure. Every one of them has said that. Ok, but how do I change it? I feel so useless. In some ways I feel I shouldn't have to settle for you because you're a jerk, and in other ways I feel like I love you and that you are not really trying to lie to me, you are just immature like I am and doing what you know. Just saying how you feel in the moment. Just wishy washy like me. Maybe that *is* bipolar.
  15. You know what, B? I don't believe you. I've been thinking (as always, sadly) and in my heart of hearts, I think you are a liar. You said you didn't cheat on me and wouldn't. You said you were not attracted to your current gf when you were with me. But you are lying. I believe you didn't cheat on me physically, but that's it. You joined a sex group with her on Facebook and then tried to play the "technologically ignorant" card on me by saying you can't "help" it because you don't know how to use the computer. Yet you know how to email girls pics of your penis (when you were married). You just play dumb so you can get away with stuff. Don't think you can play ignorant. I know it is a front. You say you were not attracted to your current girlfriend. So then do you get the number of every girl you meet on charity projects? Would you have approved of me getting hot guys' number while you were away on a church trip? I don't think so. Or having dinner with them or having them write stuff on my Facebook wall? Or giving me thumbs up when you write a post about me missing? I might as well face the truth: you freakin dumped me the second the church van pulled away from the parking lot. Funny how you got up early to see us off...you cuddled me, kissed me in front of everyone, gave me a back rub, and brought your t-shirt sprayed with cologne for me to sleep in while I was gone. Then when our van pulled away, everyone else was waving and I saw you looking off somewhere in the distance with a distracted look on your face like you were thinking about something. I waved to you and you didn't even notice. I thought it was weird how you were so lovey dovey one second, then you were off in another world. But what gets me, is I come back and you're gone all weekend, can't even call me, yet you got this girl's number! You don't even have minutes on your phone yet you talk to her for 5 hours! It took me forever to convince you to get a cheap phone and you still never called me. Then I see you on FB suddenly all the time after she posted stuff on your wall (including pics of you). You were never on FB so much before. And you tried to say she was just a friend. It's not true. Your sis said you asked what she thought of her and you brought her over your house just a couple days after the break-up. And then you changed your status to in a relationship. So it's highly doubtful you weren't attracted to her. Why insult me by lying? And why did I apologize and pretend to take your word for it? I don't believe you. I may have said I do, but I don't. I just wish I did.
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