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1MoreChance

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1MoreChance last won the day on September 4 2011

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About 1MoreChance

  • Birthday 08/20/1972

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  1. I know this thread is 5 years old, but someone bumbed it and her experience is meaningful. she "let it" go on for 15 minutes because emotionally and psychologically, she felt dominated. she told him to stop, she cried, but he didn't. Rape starts at an emotional and psychological level. If anyone comes on and reads this thread, they have to know that they are ALWAYS allowed to say NO and stop the act at ANY point. to the people who wrote this, "It's actually pretty common for a woman to tell a man to stop without even realising it during intercourse, because she doesn't realise what she's saying and she's overcome with pleasure." That's so messed up.. Is this poster some kind of a perv who signed up and made his avatar / usename look like he is a young girl so he could say this crap and get away with it? "Now, if you would have been hitting him and screaming for him to get off you and he kept going -- that's rape. What you have described is not rape. It's hard to discern nowadays because you can say yes....yes....yes...yes... NO!" she said no, she may have felt too intimidated to insist. the moment she no longer wants it and says "no", she should be respected, otherwse it IS rape. it's not like she said "yes" so now he is entitled to go all the way. "He should have stopped but I wouldnt consider it rape he might have been too into it to gather the will power to stop." he had no control over himself....... how pathetic. Really, these posters' comments make me sick and I'm embarassed to be on enotalone with the likes of them. I agree with Amethyst, scout and mymelancholysoul. I hope OP is ok.
  2. I think one of the reasons a lot of people have to say that people rarely get back together, etc. is that they are hurting and need to feel in control once more. when someone leaves us, we are completelly out of control. we have no control and we were rejected. two very distressing and overwhelming, scary experiences. the truth is we have to surrender and accept whatever comes. we cannot do that if we choose to be under the illusion of complete control. sometimes people get back together, sometimes they don't. I find it absurd to try to convince people that it just won,t happen and that thye need to close all doors. when going through a process of breaking up, it can be very healing to take time to talk with one's ex. just because there is some pain, doesn't mean it is bad. The goal is not to excluse all pain. the goal is to grow and heal.
  3. I haven't spoken to him / texted / emailed since Match 1st. he texted me last and I didn't reply. I'm sick of the push-pull thing, of the mixed msgs, the confusion and hurt. I'm sick of seeing myself as victim and I want to learn to be happy with myself. I will continue my therapy and I am joining a support group specific to my issues. There are several things I want to do to take care of myself and enjoy my life. I understand that at this point in my life closeness with a partner is too threatening for me and I want to respect / honor myself and heal. I bought myself a plane ticket to one of the most beautiful little cities of Mexico and am leaving for 10 days which is huge for me as I am not a person who travels a lot and I did this in full conscience of wanting to do something nice and healing for ME. The only thing that stresses me out is that his birthday is on April 4th (I can still honor a month long NC commitment), and I don't know if I should send him a birthday card, as I do care about him and we are on good terms. I don't want to be the resentful, superhurt ex who cannot handle sending him a birthday card... but at the same I feel I am too weak to do it without feeling like I am giving him control over me. I am afrid that maybe I am giving too much importance to the idea of staying friends. I am afraid that really he will not even care once my birthday comes around and that maybe I am trying to find too much "specialness" into this friendship that I say I ultimatelly want to preserve.
  4. I loved this post and the song lyrics, thanks. It is all about befriending and loving yourself. That's where love starts. Love comes through you. if you cannot connect with it ands thinks it only comes TO you, you will become dependent on the other person and loose yourself.
  5. oh ... thanks... I wonder if she ever got back with guy... how did that get bumbed???
  6. She did have a reason. She got scared. Tons of people get scared and break up / back off. It is not for you to say if she deserves him back. And then to tell her she "blew it"? You sound like you are angry at women and are taking it out on her. Men do the same things. they run away / break up cause they re scared all the time! please don't generalize just because you have some peronal issues regarding women that are not worked out. we are here to support each other.
  7. Ihis has to do with fear, trust, and control issues. have you heard of Borderline personality disorder? link removed link removed link removed I know it's hard. I was diagnosed with "mild to moderate" BPD last year by a specialist in anxiety disorders and BPD. I went looking for help because of my patterns of behavior with my bf (now ex). I can relate to the way you describe her for having been that woman with the intense mood swings and fears... I think you are not ready to live together or be married. she needs to be ok with the closeness and intimacy before. Otherwise this will probably continue and spin out of control. It takes time to deal with these issues but it can be done. For me felling out of control meant criticising my partner, feeling insecure all the time that I wasn't good enough, wanting him close but feeling very afraid when he was too close, ... it's a lot about setting boundaries... the problem is tha with BPD the person has difficulty with closeness (fear of loosing oneself in th other) and with abandonment (always scared the person is gonna leave, you even provoke it). There is also evidence that the brain is different for a person with this type of disporder, so that they don't cope with stress well. i recommmend the book The Angry Heart, Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders : An Interactive Self-Help Guide: Ph.D. Joseph Santoro, Ronald Jay Cohen. take care
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