IBelieve

Well its been 48 days since I last had any contact from her. Its been pretty easy because she has been on vacation for most of it. She is coming back soon so the real test begins soon. I think about her occasionally but I don't feel sad anymore. I've used the time I've had to really get into new hobbies, hang out more with old friends and make a few good new ones. I exercise a lot now and I haven't been this fit since I played sports when I was 15. When my ex broke up with me my self-confidence really took a hit but I think it is recovering nicely now. I'm so proud of myself.. day 48! I still can't believe it

Still in NC.. I feel great about it as well. I can't even remember the last time I had a bad day because of NC.. its been awhile. I don't remember how far into NC I am.. I'm past day 30 though. I COULD go back and count but I don't think that is necessary. I don't need to keep track anymore and I am happy for that. I'm just so busy with real life and meeting new people that I realized that thinking about her all day is just a waste of time.

Phew.. time flew by quickly today. I was so exhausted from work that I slept a bit in the evening, and now its 2am and I can't fall asleep! Uh oh.. work tomorrow.. I wrote in another thread about what I like about being single.. I really didn't realize how relieved I am in a way that my ex broke up with me.. wow. Her mom is extremely anti-social. She never leaves the house unless its to do chores like grocery shopping or if there is a family outing (which are rare). She has no friends here. I feel quite bad for her.. she was really nice to me at first. As my relationship with my ex progressed she started getting colder towards me.. when she argued with my ex she would always bring me up and insult me somehow (I wasn't there.. thank god but I got to hear about it the next day through my ex) and this happened numerous times. Near the end of our relationship, her Mom was pushing her to dump me.. The thing I hate is how she felt she was worthy to give relationship counseling to my ex even though her own relationship with her husband is/was crap and she hasn't had any meaningful social experience or interaction in the last 10 years. On the other hand, I am soooooo relieved that I don't have to deal with her (my ex's mom) anymore or her meddling ways. My god, just writing this makes me feel so much better. Its funny how time gives you a new perspective on things. Day 26 is over.. and Day 27 begins today. Feelin' good. I am much more in control of my thoughts now. Not nearly as much, "ohh, I wonder what my ex is doing now?" and any thoughts of if she still misses me or not are almost non-existent. Who knows, maybe I'm just lying to myself and I've just learned to ignore my feelings.. maybe I'm just sweeping them under the rug and soon it'll all just boil over and I'll be overwhelmed with raw emotion. I can see it now.. laying on my bed and crying into a pillow. Haha, not likely. Those days are over Day 30 approaches!! Woohoo!

I was looking through my parents' external HD at old pictures and I ran into quite a few of me and my ex. It certainly brought back memories of things we had done together. I can't help but think that we looked good together. Since I saw those pics she has been wandering in and out of my mind. I gotta keep composed and stick to my goal of NC. I don't plan on breaking it. Ever. If she breaks it I'll deal with it then, but I am certainly not going to make the first move and I'll be darned if I wait around for her to do it. Life goes on. I wonder how some people can be so forgiving. If an ex walked away from you, dated other people, kissed/had sex with other people, and then came back to you...how can you forgive them or just forget it ever happened? I don't know if I could ever do that, but then again I've never been put in that situation. I'm still confused about whether I actually miss my ex rather than just missing the constant company I was so used to for 3 years. Being single definitely takes so getting used to. I am definitely not in a rush to date someone else again anytime soon, thats for sure. It just takes up so much energy to date.. so much of your time has to be spent on the other person. I think after 3 years of dating, its time to focus on me for awhile. I gotta get myself back up to speed... gotta make up for those 3 years that I spent focusing on her and "us." Its time to give myself a unique identity... an identity separate from who I was in my relationship with her. Ahh.. late night ranting. Gotta love it.

6 more days! I'm so happy that I am going to make my 30 day goal. My former self would have broken down and tried to contact her. Thank god I am no longer that person. I'm looking forward to this summer and doing new and exciting things! I think about my ex of course. I actually sat down today in the shower and actively tried to make myself feel jealousy. I thought about her with her new bf and them making out, etc. I was quite surprised when I didn't get the reaction I had expected. Although it still hurts somewhat when I think about that kinda stuff it is completely bearable. Its slowly losing its effect on me, and for that I am happy NC works! After Day 30 I'm setting another 30 day goal! Ciao

8 more days till my 30 day goal! woohoo! Today went by relatively well (if you like studying inside all day). I thought about her a little bit but not too much. I'm feeling a lot better.. I haven't felt like crap in a long time. Looking back I feel kind of silly that I wasted months of my life moaning and groaning over this failed relationship. I have so many great things in life to look forward to! Onwards I go!

This really isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Although I still think of my ex once in awhile I haven't felt the feeling of a heavy weight in my chest for a long time. I almost feel relieved. She is going away for 3 weeks now so I think the healing will just come to me. I don't have the urge to call her and be friends either... ahh i feel so relaxed. I wonder if this feeling is permanent?

Made a mistake today and found pictures of my ex and her new boyfriend on facebook. Made a thread about it in the healing forum so I won't retype it all here. I'm not feeling as bad as I thought I would surprisingly.. I'll do some more thinking and hopefully post more tomorrow. Still going strong with NC and I have no intention of breaking it. Even if it becomes tempting I know that NC is best for me. Repeating: "Gotta do whats best for me" x10000 times in my mind. Gnite all

good job on holding back friendnorfoe. What do you plan on doing once your 30 days is up? Are you going to keep NC?

So far so good. I can't get too cocky yet though. She is leaving for vacation in a few days so I won't have contact with her for a good month. I was telling myself that when she gets back I will be able to be friends with her even though she has a bf. I'm not going to make that decision prematurely though. I will wait until she gets back and then see how I am feeling then. I have been doing a lot of reflecting over the past few days and I can honestly say that the breakup was the best thing for me. Our relationship was completely toxic. Although she is a great girl, we just weren't right for each other. I wonder if she will still want to be friends with me? Hmm.. we'll see I guess. For now though I am going to keep on studying and concentrating on my hobbies. I really do feel good guys I RARELY think about getting back together with her. Ahh... I feel at peace! I wonder if this is what being healed feels like? Hmm.. time to study some more Just a note: I'm not saying that I WILL contact her for sure to be friends. I'm definitely waiting for 2 months of NC at least to see how I feel then. Still on day 17 Another edit: Given it more thought. Although I feel like I can be friends with her eventually, I don't want to really think about it now. I'm just going to concentrate on me. This NC isn't about healing so I can be friends with her, its about healing for me. Period.

I'm half-way to my 30 day goal! I'm 100% sure that I will make it. She leaves for vacation soon and will be gone for a month. That will really help me. I've been investing my time (and money...lol) into new hobbies which really helps. I still think about her a lot more than I'd like to admit but I feel the thoughts are 'healthier' than they were before. I am not really feeling jealous about her dating someone else. Having her deleted from facebook and blocked everywhere else really helps. If I were still getting updates on her I would probably have gone insane by now. Note to self however: Stay away from chick flicks. I watched one last night on TV and I cried so much during it. The crying wasn't the kind of crying that I did during the first few months after the breakup, it was more because I missed having a close romantic relationship with someone. I even cried during the mushy romantic scenes.. lol. How embarrassing. Overall, I really feel like I have made a huge improvement since I started NC. We will see how the next 15 days go.

Haha thats so true! My ex broke up with me the week before midterms.. I aced them anyways. Foiled her little plot...

Its hard to believe that it has been more than a week already. I didn't think I would make it. Its so difficult NOT to contact her sometimes. I went out with a friend to a house party yesterday. Whenever I saw an attractive girl I would compare her to my ex.. which would in turn make me sad. When I saw couples cuddling, I would think of my ex cuddling with her new bf. I was doing a good job until last night of avoiding those thoughts. I'm not sure how I feel right now. I kind of feel happy, but at the end of the day it feels a little fake. Its almost as if I've faked happiness for so long that now I'm not sure whats what. I know I have made a ton of progress. I'm not sure if I miss being with her or if I just miss the nice memories of her. I'm an extremely shy person, and I think deep down I am worried that I won't find someone again. Is being single for the rest of your life really so bad? On a brighter note, with all of my spare time I have been studying, exercising, and practicing my guitar. I don't remember myself being in such good shape.. its a good feeling

Another day gone by.. Work was pretty busy so I didn't have much time to think about my ex or my 'best friend' which is good. I am going to be home alone for a month or so... its so quiet around here and it really magnifies the loneliness that I am feeling. I can't believe it has almost been a week already.. for some reason the time has passed by so quickly. I try to stay semi-cheerful by telling myself that there is still someone out there for me.. I just haven't met her yet.

The hardest part for me right now is knowing that she is ignoring me too. It feels like I am not in control of this NC. Things that keep running through my mind: - My best friend immediately stepped in for her after our breakup..asking her to go places, keeping her company. He chose to be there for her and not for me. - Going off the last point..I feel that I can't trust my friends anymore. I know its not right to lump everyone into one group but I find myself looking for underlying motives in everything people do or say.. coworkers and friends alike. - My ex is dating my 'best friend's' good friend from another city now. They met recently when my 'best friend' took her there without inviting or telling me. Another reason why I hold such a massive and probably irreversible grudge against him. I also have this little theory going.. my 'best friend' knows I'm in pain right now.. and I've asked him to hang out many times but he never seems to have time.. always making excuses. Well my ex is going on vacation soon and I bet that once she is gone and he has no one to hang out with, he will call me up and miraculously have free time. I want to tell him off.. I want to call him up and tell him what a !@$!@$ he is. I won't do it though.. gotta exercise some constraint and not let my emotions turn me into the bad guy. I still haven't tried to initiate contact with my ex since my attempt last friday which made me look desperate. My 'best friend' called me up yesterday to see how I was doing (i picked it up without looking at the caller id).. Haha, yeah right. Normally I would actually have a convo with him but this time I kept it nice and short with no real details. What a jerk. I have this small hope still that my ex will call me up or something. I don't want her to.. I know its bad for me. Being so early in my NC mission is really hard and sucks.. the days seem long