I've been having suicidal thoughts. I have taken an overdose in the past - about 5 years ago but have recently felt bad again. Everything is getting on top of me.
I'm a 30 year old gay man and I live at home with my parents due to financial constraints.
I'm finally leaving home this Friday. I'm going to rent a place with my cousin and a friend. My cousin is straight and my friend identifies as being straight - I'm not sure if he is.
I got drunk on Saturday night and told my friend that I'm in love with him. He walked out of the bar that we were in. He was fine with me this morning but sent me a text-message to my mobile phone this afternoon which was along the lines of: "We need to sort this out". He said he isn't mad at me but I'm not so sure. I feel awful because I've upset him and I don't want him to feel awkward around me.
In the past, he had told me that he's bisexual (he told me whilst drunk) but he seems to have no recollection of this. I thought he had feelings for me. One night last year, he was dancing around his living room whilst I sat on the couch laughing at him. He tripped, fell on his knees and put his head on my lap. He said: "Me and you are going to have sex tonight", I replied: "No we are not!". He was dating a (female) friend of mine at the time - a relationship was not an option. They have since split up.
I need to leave home and this is the first real opportunity I've ever had. I feel sick all the time, thinking about it. I had an argument with my mother the other week and she told me that she wanted me out. I need to leave. I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I feel very very low at the moment.
