SnowYs

Hi all; Itsme again. With another problem/issue. I always seem to have some kind of drama/issue going on. *Lucky me* Anywayz, as of lately I have had a huge issue with being alone. I cant stand it. I have a lot going on right now. A lot of stress/drama, etc. Im okay by myself for an hour or so - but if I cant find someone to hang out with or do something with. Ill start to freak and get anxious/paniced. And lately my solution is to go to bed immedicately if I start to feel this way so I dont think about the being alone thing. So that means so nights Im going to bed at 8pm or 9pm, etc some nights. **I feel like I am always alone.** Im okay if Im at someone elses house even if Im just surfing the net. Or watching tv. We dont have to be engaged in a conversation or anything. Just as long as someone is there. Ive done some reading and basically this is called "Autophobia," the fear of being alone. According to what I have read it means I am avoiding some issue in my life. Some positive things I have done to combat this: ordered a book on relationships and making more friends. I do suffer from depression and am on meds for it. My sources of stress: the guy I am kind of seeing has an std (you may have read the prev post on it). I may have it, but I am yet to get tested. And the thought of getting tested kinda scares me. (For anyone who read the prev topic we do sometimes use condoms, and I am on birth control.) (But anyway here is the hopefully short version of the stress Im feeling right now): About 3 weeks ago I became friends with my guys ex-gf. We talk all the time and hang out. Well she has told me all kindsa stuff from there relationship. All bad/negative things of course. So ever since then I question everything my guy says or does. And within the last 3 weeks Ive kinda flipped out on him 3 times. And now we are on a "timeout/space". I guess thats good so we can think about things. Im really sad about it tho. Im also nervous because anytime someone has wanted "space" its never ended well. To me space=you are going to leave me. I also feel apprehensive because I dont know how long he's gonna have me on space. Im sad cause I wont get to see him etc. I told him Im afraid to even call him etc now cause Im afraid Ill be bothering him. And now that leads to the alone thing - I prolly spend at least a good 3/4 nights a week at his house. So now Im terrified that Im gonna be alone even more. I dont know what Im gonna do. So my friends here have all said I need to not listen to the ex-gf because she has a tainted view of the whole situation. And is frankly quite bitter about the break up. So now I am going to try to not talk about the guy anymore with her. Or if she brings it up take it as a grain of salt. Then add in the suicide of a friend yesterday and I just like im in a frickin shell. Im not talking much and I feel really abandoned/alone/sad/upset. As you see, there is a few issues goin' on in my life. I need advice & help on what to do. How to handle this whole "space" issue. How to handle this whole "alone" issue. Thanks so much. I REALLY cant thank you enough for any advice.

Hello all; I have been kinda of seeing this guy for about 3 months. And at first we had sex with a condom all the time. Then we started having sex for a bit without a condom and then he would put one on later when he was going to come.... Well he said that he had nothing, no stds or anything. Well last night on the phone it came out that he had genital wartsZ(gw) quite awhile back and crabs at one point. Well he I think believe the gw is gone and I did some research this morning and it never goes away. You will still have the virus in you. Well (obviously) now Im flippin out thinking what if he has given me the virus and its dormant in me now. I really need some advice. Ive never had anything before and I dont want to get anything. My friend said if I sleep with him again to use condoms always....but still I could already have it now. I really like this guy but now Im afraid to sleep with him or anything. Im almost wondering if he told me to scare me away? Or maybe he was trying to be honest and tell me the truth. Any advice would be a great help!

Hello all; About 2 months ago I met this really cool guy. We ended up having sex, and since then we have become good friends and continue to have sex. He has made it clear that he is not looking for a girlfriend or commitment of any kind, due to him having a wandering eye. Im not really looking for a commitment either. I had a really great wall up before Tuesday night and now it has crumbled to my feet and Im trying to rebuild it with zero success. Tuesday night changed everything!!! We were just chilling watching a movie when he got a phone call regarding his business. How owns a tattoo shop and he received some bad news regarding it. It thru him into a panic/anxiety attack and he started crying in my apartment - tears and everything (much to my shock). Well a few hours pass and he got a lil better and we ended up having sex with no protection!! Which is REALLY weird because he doesnt do that (mostly because he does have so many girls he sleeps with). Since then we have had sex again without protection. The sex seemed kinda different as he was kissing on me a lil more than normal. Now my wonderful wall has crumbled - and Im insecure, waiting for him to call. This is not how I was before we slept together w/o protection. I know I care for him and feel for him - but I Im just asking for my heart to be broken?! How do I get this wall back up? Do you think this guy sounds like he cares for me? Or am I doing what every girl does (wishing for something that may not happen) and just asking for a broken heart? I dont know how to get the wall back up - and Im wondering if he has noticed a change in me. Because I dont feel the same. How do I relax and be like I was? If I could get some guys opinions that would be great!!! Thanks so much

Hey all; This is kind of embarressing as I am 25 yrs old. But I always thought I was fairly sexually knowledgeable. Knowing myself and my body pretty well - but over the last few months I have discovered and learned things from friends that I had no knowledge of!!! I almost feel as if sexually I dont know very much! It wasnt until about 6 months ago that I really discovered my clit. Before then I just used to kind of rub thangs. And then my girls friends have told me a thing or two about a womans g spot. Then last night, I bought my first dildo. And it was like another world (not as good as sex)...but for the first time last night I think I found that g spot on myself.....and if felt REALLY good. So, now Im feeling like sexually dumb. To put it bluntly. I mean Ive slept with about 10 guys. I thought I knew my body and what pleased me pretty well - but lately I feel like I didnt discover myself sexually until about 6 months ago. I mean my sexual style has totally changed in the last few months.....I never used to have a sex drive. And now I want it all the time. I used to only sleep with someone if I had an emotional/physical connection. Now I just want the pleasure more than the emotional connection. So I guess my question is, is this normal to still be discovering myself sexually at 25 or is it kinda abnormal? Because my girlfriends who are like 20/21......are already where I am at 25, and I feel just retarded sexually. Maybe I just finally got me sex drive?!?! LOL Any advice would be great! Thanks E

I know I should just be myself and when its meant to happen it will. Its just very frustrating. Thanks for the advice.

Hey all; Im feeling really frustrated. Like a shark chasing bait that I cant seem to catch. Im a bi girl (or so I think) and have never really *been* with a girl. I have kissed plenty of girls. But have never been with one. Ive been exploring this for about 6 months now and I am ready for the next step. Im getting really frustrated as I can never seem to get to that next step. I was almost with a girl 2 weeks ago, but it didnt happen. Does anyone have any advice for me? I am a very girly girl. I have bought girls drinks. Given numbers. Nothing seems to work. Any advice would be great. Thanks Frustrated, SnowYs

Hey all; A few months ago I acknowledged to myself that I was bisexual. Since then I have been with a few girls, and know I am bi. I slowly started to share with my friends. And to my delight everyone was quite cool with it. I saved my best friend for last - knowing she would have an issue with it. We have had conversations in the past about people who were gay and bi, and her remarks were always "Thats disgusting." "I dont understand how people could be that way." Etc. Well, everytime we'd have one of these conversations I would be thinking in my head "Well, Im that way..." So anywayz, flash forward to 4 weeks ago and I finally get the balls to tell my best girl friend Im bi. Well, she took it about as well as I expected. She was really silent - and tryed to act like it didnt matter. But it did. And she changed. Since then she does not call. If I call her at home she does not pick up. If I stop by to talk to her at work, she acts funny towards me. Small talk. No personal conversations really. Its kinda bothering me...*sigh* I dont know what to do? I need advice (obviously...)? Do any of you have any suggestions? Everytime I try to discuss it with her and reassure her it does not go over well. And she freezes up like an iceberg. I mean, I figured the obvious she thinks Im gonna try to get with her or something. But thats not how I feel towards her at all. Like, I can like girls - and still have friends that are girls, you know? Should I just drop it for now, and try to talk about other things? I dont know what to do! Thanks in advance for an advice.

On that note, I am want to give my girlfriend oral sex - and (yes I am bi) I have never done that before. Do you guys have any tips? I know what I like, but every girl is different so Im just looking for some pointers. Thank you, E

Hey all; I feel like, I was almost over him. I was taking baby steps forward everyday. He was barely on my mind. Then he had to email me his closure letter or whatever it is on Wednesday. And ever since then I feel like Ive been sent back to the beginning of a board game. I almost wish he'd never emailed me. It was so much easier to "move on" when I thought he hated me for what I did. (I was the affair, called his bf, yes he is bi, and told him we were doing things...) I miss this man so much. I think of him constantly now, again. I dont ever remember feeling like this in any other break up. I (stupidly) tryed to call his mobile number. Appears he has changed his phone number. It is no longer in service. So, hes moving on, and Im stick in a puddle of mud. I will never get the closure I want. Because I have all these questions I want answered, that I will never get the answers too, because only he knows the answers..... I just dont know how I will get over him. I question if my pain will ever go away. Its been a month now, and I still feel like crap. I cry myself to sleep nightly. And not just one glistening tear....like hysterical crying. Next Thursday is my birthday and I seriously feel like doing NOTHING. Im supposed to have this party but Im not even interested in having it now. All advice that I have given has been to go have my party and try to be happy. I dont know if I can even fake it.... Needing desperate help (again)... Any help would be great... E

Ughh, Im so completely confused. I dont think my first post came out correctly, and this one may not either. But its wasnt written in while I felt like a deer in front of headlights. Tonight my ex emailed me. This is (to recap from those who dont know the situation), the man I was having an affair with. I basicall called his boyfriend (he is bi), and told him we were "doing it." Well, he got hecka pissed off, told me to never talk/write with him etc. What I did was unforgiveable. Thats was 3 almost 4 weeks ago. Tonight I checked my email, and there was a letter from him. This is his email: Hi E, I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for the way things ended between us. I am not angry with you. You are a wonderful person and I feel very fourtunate to have known you. You are one of kind and have a heart of gold. I want you to know that I think of you often and miss you. I hope all is well with you and you will always have a place in my heart. Take care of yourself, [[insert His Name Here]] My friend had me write this reply... Hey [[insert His Name Here]]; Well its good to know that you are not angry with me anymore... Im still very sorry about what happened. I hope things are going good for you in your life to. Things are lookin' up for me. Good to hear from you, E My friend at first thought it might be a closure letter. Like him saying "bye" to me. But then later tonight she said she thinks he will email me back again. I am so confused. I am madly in love with this man. Im still probably way to vulnerable to be talking to him. I still cry over him at night. I still pray for him.... I still want him. I still want to be with him. I am very very confused. I want to distance myself until I feel like I can be friends with him. But I dont want to lose him completely from my life. Why would he have even emailed? Why did he tell me he misses me and thinks of me? Im in need of any advice and input. Thanks so much for any & all support.... Erin The song that makes me think of him: How the hell did we wind up like this Why weren't we able To see the signs that we missed And try to turn the tables I wish you'd unclench your fists And unpack your suitcase Lately there's been too much of this Dont think its too late Nothin's wrong just as long as you know that someday I will Someday, somehow gonna make it allright but not right now I know you're wondering when (You're the only one who knows that) Someday, somehow gonna make it allright but not right now I know you're wondering when Well i hoped that since we're here anyway We could end up saying Things we've always needed to say So we could end up stringing Now the story's played out like this Just like a paperback novel Lets rewrite an ending that fits Instead of a hollywood horror

Hey I was the affair. He is living with a guy. He is bisexual. We broke up when I called his boyfriend and told him what was going on. I basically said "We are f-ing." He was hecka pissed and hasnt spoken to me in 3 + weeks. Okay, my friend read the email as well and said it might be his way of closure too. But the thing I dont get is why tell me he thinks of me and misses me. That, wasnt really pertinent information. It doesnt make sense to me. Maybe Im reading into it to much.....*screams*

Hi, Yes I do want to email him very badly. I just dont want to repeat the same mistake(s) I did before. I love this man very dearly.... Ughhh What to do what to do... E

AGHHH; My ex emailed me today. As if things couldnt get more complicated in my life. I knew eventually he would email me. I didnt think it would be this soon. I totally just want to go call him. Or email him back. WHAT DO I DO *freaking out* ACK! His email: Hi E, I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for the way things ended between us. I am not angry with you. You are a wonderful person and I feel very fourtunate to have known you. You are one of kind and have a heart of gold. I want you to know that I think of you often and miss you. I hope all is well with you and you will always have a place in my heart. Take care of yourself, ((HIS NAME)) HELP ACK!! Need advice....

Wow! Its been a few days since Ive posted. I have been re-reading my book "How to Survive a Break Up" Its got some very good advice and I am going through and doing all the exercises so my next relationship is much healthier. Hopefully... Ive moved onto phase 2 now. Im angry as heck at my ex. I still love him, I still care. Im still feeling hecka vulnerable, but Im mad at him. Stupid me, decided to casually "drive-by" ex's old house. And ex's car and boyfriends car were still parked in the driveway. So obviously they are still together. Something, just doesnt add up. The lines just dont connect.... Theres something missing from his stories to me and I cant figure it out what, but its best not to dwell. Im just trying to focus on me. And making some positive life changes for myself. Be more organized. Etc Last night, I went to a basketball game - and I think it was the first time I havent sat there and continually thought of him. I think something like 4 hours went by before I thought of him. The point is Im tired of missing him. Im tired of hoping for that email or phone call. And the harsh reality is - he has a phone. He knows my email. If he wanted to communicate with me. He would be and hes not. So all I can do, is as Ms Madonna says, "You were my lesson, I had to learn."

The ongoing saga of trying (unsuccessfully) to get over this man. Ughhh, not even 4 days later I run into him again. ACK. Uggghhhhh! *screams* I swear, it is like fate trying to tell us something. The last 2 nights I have cryed myself to sleep over him. I really am trying to get over him, and its so so so so hard, and so not working. I know it takes time, but it was like we had the same reaction. Like we were thinking in our heads "Ughh, Im trying to forget about you." He didnt seem quite so pissed this time, and still no words exchanged. And it doesnt help that he looked damn fine. UGHHHHH. Im going insane, and my girlfriends are sick of my bitching about it. UGHHHH Wheres the Sudwerk beet?