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coolgirl
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Don't know how to handle this anymore advice needed.
coolgirl replied to coolgirl's topic in Dating Advice
That's what I've been trying to say all along. That his actions show differently. If you say you care about someone act like you care. I'm just so sick and tired of dealing with these types of situations. Do you know how many times I've had to deal with crappy situation for about 17 years. That why I try to keep my gaurds up and not let anyone in my life easily anymore. I have been single for 2 years after my boyfriend died I just wasn't in a good place to date. My boyfriend cheated on me the one who died. And now this ? How much more can one person take ? Of childish nonsense games. -
Don't know how to handle this anymore advice needed.
coolgirl replied to coolgirl's topic in Dating Advice
He could had handled himself better. And be honest on the get go that's the right thing to do. When I tried to break things off with him the first time he couldn't take the hint and leave me alone. So he texted me the next day. I wasn't trying to change this man. His behavior and the way he treats women was really uncalled for. So the 2nd time I told him not to contact me anymore hopefully he'll get the hint. -
Don't know how to handle this anymore advice needed.
coolgirl replied to coolgirl's topic in Dating Advice
Also that's what I told him. That once he finds what he's looking for and that he's settled at his new job as far as career wise we'll talk then. It's not right to bring someone into your life while going through this tumoril and make the other person miserable with you. I tried my best to show moral support and have empathy for him. -
Don't know how to handle this anymore advice needed.
coolgirl replied to coolgirl's topic in Dating Advice
When we met he had a job. When the store went out of business that when he started getting sad or depressed. I tried to be there for him giving him his room and space. I thought when it comes to dating the first few months should be happy stuff like going out on dates, having communication because he does lack that. Everytime I suggest let's get together even if it's a walk in the park he doesn't want to do anything. I mean he drags his feet when it comes to met up with him. This is where my frustrations come from. He would go on for days not talking to me and I'm supposed to be ok with that ? It's like your in the process of trying to get to know someone we barley spend together. Even if it's only for an hour he just doesn't want to find the time to get to know me. I'm not trying to be clingy or ask for attention I sympathize for the man and I'm sorry hes going through this. He's completely shut down on me. He's been acting distant towards me. He says he cares if he does then at least he could make an effort and show me. I'm not asking for too much here. If you truly care about someone it be nice to touch base or make plans to see each other once in a blue moon he doesn't even want to do that. I'm know he's miserable but I'm sorry hes making me miserable with him. I even offered to help him find a job he declined. So I've known this man for a month and a half we've only been out 3 times. Does this sound right to you. Its not about my needs getting met. I could care less about my needs. How fair is this to me. I call him he doesn't want to pick up the phone, I text him it's takes him an hours to respond back even if it's something important like talking to him face to face he just shrugs it off like it's not important to him. And suddenly I'm the bad one here ? He may not be my boyfriend or we may not be in a relationship but actions do do speak louder than words. If he's not interested anymore I'd get it and wouldn't have hard feelings and let it go. But he hasn't been decent enough to tell me to my face. I have put up with this attitude of his for a month and a half. I'm usually an up beat person I'm sorry hes going through this like I said just because he's sad doesn't mean to make me sad with him. -
Don't know how to handle this anymore advice needed.
coolgirl replied to coolgirl's topic in Dating Advice
First of all I would had rather done this in person rather than having to do this over a text or voice message. When I try to reach him he does NOT pick up his phone even though I try tell him it's important or when I ask to see him he shrugs it off. If he has lost interest he should had been man enough and told me so I would cut my losses. -
Don't know how to handle this anymore advice needed.
coolgirl replied to coolgirl's topic in Dating Advice
I never said I researched his child. I found his ex on Facebook and seemingly she has his last name as well. And your telling me I have no right to be concerned ? If she is his ex then there shouldn't be a reason on why she would carry his last name in the first place. -
Don't know how to handle this anymore advice needed.
coolgirl replied to coolgirl's topic in Dating Advice
I know I have that option. And at some point I will. -
Don't know how to handle this anymore advice needed.
coolgirl replied to coolgirl's topic in Dating Advice
A part of me feels sorry for him but at the same time I know something is not right here. Dating shouldn't be this complicated. I'm just hurt because I really thought he liked me. And I fell for it. To be avoided and my needs not being met. If he really did care he would moved heaven on earth trying to salvage this but his actions showed who he really is. I just ended things with him. I tried calling he wouldn't pick up so I left him a voice message. -
Don't know how to handle this anymore advice needed.
coolgirl replied to coolgirl's topic in Dating Advice
He says he's broken up with his baby mama along time ago. I tried to check divorce and marriage records on him he had nothing on file. How was I supposed to know he turned into a whack job. I did some research on him and found a picture of his baby mama there daughter and him on her Facebook page. And she has his last name. But this was over 4 years ago. He said he's long broken up with her along time ago. Everytime I mention I want to come over he's always coming up with excuses. I'm fed up with him. -
Don't know how to handle this anymore advice needed.
coolgirl replied to coolgirl's topic in Dating Advice
Dear that's what I told him when I started to have doubts about him. He said he thought his job was gonna be for lifetime until they went out of business. He said how was I suppose to know the store was closing down. This happened after he met me. First of all I don't shout at him. I try to have a conversation with him which is hard to do given the circumstances that he barley picks up his phone or answers any of my texts. That's the problem he's not getting it because he's in lala land. First of all I have been considerate of his feelings but when it comes to my feelings he brushes it off. I do have empathy other than that I wouldn't had stuck it out for a month. I told him the same exact thing. That this is the start and shouldn't be like this and that we're supposed to get to know each other and hang out but he does not want to give the time of day to get to know me. I'm the one who is suffering as well because he can't seem to let go. And by blocking him not talking to him and plainly rude and I am not a rude person. I even told him get settled with your job. And when ever your ready to give your 100% contact me then. Just don't drag me along and make me miserable because I already am miserable. Dating shouldn't be like this. I told him you don't meet someone and drag them into your problems. You wait try to deal with the situation then go after a relationship. Now, his problem is my problem too. I told let's go our own separate ways after a day away he texted me. Like as if nothing happened. I'm trying to get to know this guy and it's so hard to do when he doesn't pick up his phone or see him for that matter. So I have been patient with him. Don't tell me otherwise. You wanna defend the guy go right ahead but the way he's showing reaction is really uncalled for. I did nothing wrong to be dragged into someone else's difficulty in life. -
Don't know how to handle this anymore advice needed.
coolgirl replied to coolgirl's topic in Dating Advice
Thats what I've been trying to say. I don't know if he is telling me the truth or not. That's why I don't trust him. That's why I have doubts about him. It's just something is off with him. That's why I don't know him well enough to trust him. -
Don't know how to handle this anymore advice needed.
coolgirl replied to coolgirl's topic in Dating Advice
Easier said than done. I already feel attached to him. If I stop responding to him then he reach out himself. -
Don't know how to handle this anymore advice needed.
coolgirl replied to coolgirl's topic in Dating Advice
I'm 41. -
So on February 1st I met a guy on bumble the dating app. Everything was going well. He said he was attracted to me and that he likes me and wants to take the time to know me. I felt the same way too. At that time he was employed with the company he was working for but the company went out of business and now he's out of a job. Might I remind y'all he's a 47 year old man. We have seen each other, but as soon as he found out about his company closing down he started becoming distant. Over the course of February we've only seen each about 3 to 4 times. He barley iniates contact, he barley spends time with me, he barley talks to me to me. Come on actions do speak louder than words. He says he cares but to me that's a load of crap and I'm starting to have doubts about this man. I'm sick and tired of having to put in the effort of doing everything myself. I dont trust him. And I told him over a text how this is affecting me and that's not fair the way he's treating me. I am left him a lengthy voice recording that I can't do this. And that we should go our own separate ways and basically this isn't working for me. And I asked him nicely not to contact me anymore not to text or call me. So he left me alone for a day. The texted me the next day pretending everything is okay when it's not. And I told him he needs to change his ways of the way he's treating me. I get that we all have busy lives. And that things come up. It's not like I'm asking him to talk to me everyday. But I like to touch base with him sometimes. He does have an 8 year old daughter. So I understand he has to co parent with his ex. But there things that run through my head like what if he's sleeping with her while he's seeing me or what if that's his wife and living a double life. I just can't shake this feeling off. I like him. But the way his behavior is towards me is I don't like. I tell him I wanna talk to him about important stuff I tell him I rather do this in person he acts like he doesn't care when he says he does. It takes him forever to reply to one simple text or to pick up the phone and call me. Everytime I ask him when I could see him. He's always coming up with something. Either he's busy or doesn't have the time or that he's looking for a job. I've tried to be patient and understanding towards him but my patience is running low. I don't know what to do anymore. I tried to break it off with him once he didn't accept it. I feel like I'm stuck. I wanna try to distant myself and just see him as a friend and nothing more. I just don't know how to do that. How do you go from liking someone and just to be friends ? Am I doing something wrong that I'm not aware of ? Is the problem me or him ? Please any suggestions would do. I just don't know how to handle this situation anymore. Thanks for reading. Sorry if my post got long.
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
coolgirl replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I have thought about wanting to reach out but I decided not too. Because I'm not the one that did the wrong doing. I can't begin to explain the agony and hell I had to endure for 2 months. I trusted you. I trusted you with me whole life and I don't know if I can ever trust you again after the way you left things and not seeing it coming. I was surprised. The fact of the matter is you were not honest with me. Instead I had to read about it on the so called group you opened up for yourself that how you loved yourself enough to walk away and that the months that you have known me was so toxic for you and I had no idea that's how you really felt about everything. I had the right to know but you chose not to say anything to me. You have 1 nerve writing about how I overstepped your boundary that day which was not the case in the first place because I can't think of any reason what I did that day. All I ever wanted was to ask for space and time away from everything. But you chose to go another route. I don't know what to say. I know I should had let go the first time you told me to get on with my life and I didn't because this was what I wanted to avoid to go through I just didn't want to deal with it that's why I prolonged it. Yes, I take my fair share of responsibility in this. I got into it too deep and I didn't think I would have this much of a hard time letting go. Eventually, I did And I did not want to be help responsible if things went wrong within your life. You wanted out of this so called friendship a long time ago and here you have it. So try to make the best of it. Don't try to be so hard on yourself. You did what you had to do and I understand why you did with what you did. I deserve it as the hell I put you through with my complications. I'm trying to get past it and I think you should too. You were a big part of my life and I am so grateful that I've got to know you for this short period of time. You changed my life, you changed me on how I view things, its because of you I'm a better person and you brought me out of my shell and finally got to experience how it's like to be normal again. I'm trying as hard as I can trying to forgive you and let it all go. Remember this the way you were there for me I was there for you too.. No amount of explanation or even a simple apology is going to help. I think it's best to leave things the way they are. I've always cared about you. I can't believe I'm saying this which I know I shouldn't and I will always love you no matter where you are. I want you to be happy in your life. Try to fix what ever is lacking. I can never hate you. Please take care of yourself more often. I love you so please don't be mad at me or upset with me for saying this. I do miss you. I miss talking to you I think its best us not talking because I don't think I be able to handle it again. I want my time and space from it all. If I can get through this I'm sure you can too. You'll be fine !