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catfeeder

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catfeeder last won the day on March 19

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  1. I'd decide that I'm worth far more than breadcrumbs. I'd just block him and shut him down on SM. Life is too short to waste yourself on hovering around for scraps from someone who doesn't love you. Skip that!
  2. Sounds like the texts reach him when he's busy, but with phone calls he can position himself to be alone. Not everyone likes conversations over texts. Are you sure he's single? He might be with a date or partner when your texts come in.
  3. Sounds like she may have started out interested and even invited the idea of meeting. But since it never happened, she became interested in someone she’s met in person. So now she’s not ready because she’s still learning where things are going with that guy. I’d let her know that you want to meet up next week. If she still isn’t ready, I’d tell her that she’s welcome to let you know if she’d ever like to meet, and if you’re still available then, maybe you can catch up together. Meanwhile, you’re stepping away while you both still think highly of one another, and you wish her all the best.
  4. Why consider this guy to be the only man in the world and the only choice you have? With millions of men in the world, why waste yourself on a turd?
  5. Nobody here can say what you 'should' do. I can suggest, however, a focus on the future you envision for yourself. Does it include being bound to a partner who can't share his resources with you because he's too indebted to paying child support. He also can't share his free time with you, because he's trying to catch up with each of his children. If you want this, then here you are. If not, consider why your relationship with this guy was already problematic, and that might help you to walk away.
  6. Oh, dear, this is funny. It's a country so small, there might be someone who will recognize you... "Hay, that's Kim from down the street! I always thought she was a bit too friendly...." 🙂
  7. Yes, it certainly does. I can also appreciate the scale of ups and downs you're going through with this thread, and I admire your strength for staying open to the comments. I also think you will recognize during a time less charged that Bolt is being tenacious because she cares, and she's drawing on her personal experience to help rather than judge. @boltnrun, I didn't catch the post you wrote about below. Would you mind providing the topic title? Thanks, Cat
  8. Sure, if he scurries, he may just be in a hurry that day. Doesn’t mean he’s not open another time. I’m curious about this closed culture—what country is this? Every European or Scandinavian traveler I’ve known or read speaks of the generosity of the people, so I’m stumped to know whether it’s your culture that is cold, or whether that’s your personal perception through your lens of shyness? I live in a large complex with hundreds of units, and I’ve never met a neighbor who wasn’t happy, at some point, to share greetings and chats about their experiences, past or present, with work, pets, kids, travel, commutes, shopping, weather, moving, jobs or life in general. These topics are pretty universal, so I’m sure you’ll have no trouble drawing out some conversation with the new guy. Yay!
  9. You’ve catalogued past disapprovals of your Mom, and you still don’t get that most of them wouldn’t have occurred had you not been all up in her face with your business. People tend to find fault with one who suffocates them. She’s equally at fault for the enmeshment, yet you allow her too much access to you because it’s easier than launching yourself out into the world to find fulfilling interests and friends and a lover on your own. You’re doing the same thing with your second job. You’ve lived years without one, but now that you can hold it up as your excuse not to broaden your social life, you cling to it and complain about it, exactly as you do with your family. Yet you want us to believe that it’s everyone else who victimizes you, even while you hold the keys to your own liberation. You just won’t take the steps to climb out of the hole you’ve dug for yourself by expanding your own life. And if Mom’s approval is what you’re after, then acting like a jealous infant is not exactly pleasing her, is it? Use this as a wake up call to decathect from your mother and minimize the importance of what she serves at her own table. Go out and teach young people how to cook or garden, go tend to animals in a shelter, go work in a soup kitchen, go do something useful and beneficial to feel proud instead of holing up in the habit of making yourself feel like a worm.
  10. This would render the thing over for me. There's nowhere for it to go but worse.
  11. Talk about extremes, you go from a guy too far to one who's too close. Don't sleep where you live!! (kidding...) I think now that you're aware of him, you'll recognize him whenever your paths cross in surrounding areas. You'll likely sense at any given time whether he seems open to quick chat or is more hurried. You'll build some familiarity over time, and I have faith in you for good judgment. EnjOy!
  12. I love your story, FNO, and thank you for writing it here. Congrats on your baby. It sounds like you are doing the kind of work that is not only foundational for you, but in doing so, you're accessing the deep places that will make you a phenomenal and empathetic parent. I so hope you will continue commenting here. You have a gift.
  13. No need to be apologetic. We all learn by living. Your reflections are smart and self aware. I think the right guy for you will be lucky to meet you. Head high, and write more if it helps.
  14. If you can take a step back with some compassion, you might appreciate that your Mom wants to keep this woman close to avoid what she would view as 'losing' her son to her. She views this woman as a potential threat. You know, "...keep your friends close, and your enemies closer..." I would just regard this as a preview of the wonderful treatment your future fiancé will receive. Meanwhile, just calling you out for the martyr routine. You haven't 'given up' so much of your life for your family, you simply aren't interested enough in developing a happy social life beyond them--to the degree that your over-investment in them is unhealthy and stunting. But it's been your choice. You've said you love to cook. So? Make yourself and your Dad some 'real food' and bring it to family dinners as a generous contribution. Let Mom do what makes her happy, you do what makes you happy, and stop whining about your sister-in-law-ish. Your jealousy is unbecoming, and is serves no other purpose than to make you petty and miserable.
  15. It's a continuation of what you played out during your developmental years, including your earliest and preverbal ones. It's the dance you learned to do, and it's your imprint for 'love'. It's ingrained, and certain unconscious vibes will resonate with you as your opportunity to continue the dance and have it play out better this time. It's looking for the win and confusing that with healing.
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