Ineedamiracle

Thankyou both for your posts. I will ask my friend why she doesnt think its right. I think maybe because I have a child. Thanks again, and any more thoughts would be welcome.

So how old do we have to be to be an adult? 18? 21? Curious.

Ive just turned 28 and I have a 7 year old child. I was in a three year relationship that ended in February. I rarely fall in love and dont sleep around. I have met a lot of great new people and I dont feel like a need a new relationship or need a man to validate my existence. However, I have a younger brother (24) and some of his friends have become my friends too. They vary in age and we usually all meet up one night on the weekend at a club. A particular friend of his and I have become really attracted to each other. We get along so well and we dont really feel an age gap when were hanging out together. Hes 19. We send each other funny emails and texts during the week. He has 2 older brothers whom I am also friends with. My brother in the past has befriended my friends and has kissed one or two. Anyway younger boy and I have become really close. We laugh so much together and think along similar lines about things. A few weeks ago he kissed me. We then backed off from each other out of respect for my brother. Neither of us really see the point in one night stands. I miss him when hes not around and Im really starting to develop feelings for him and I know he has for me. Its all just happened so gradually and I told my brother we kissed and he was fine with it. I told younger boy on the weekend that I cant kiss him anymore and we chatted about it a little bit. He wants to catch up during the week. My best friend thinks hes great and supports me because she knows him and knows that we get along so well. I was talking to another friend today and she told me that she doesnt think its right. Younger boy is such a beautiful person. Hes come from a good home and has good values. I enjoy hanging out with so much but dont want to do the wrong thing. What do u think?

My mother stopped taking me shopping before I was 10. Actually she stopped going out alltogether. Im now 27 and I get envious when I see others shopping/ eating out etc with a parent. Especially if parent is paying for it! I understand that it may be embarressing or annoying, but its the little things that you do with a parent and one day look back and value. Unless she has really bad fashion sense it may be to your advantage to have a womans opinion on clothes. Its worked for my brother! However things like that when your a teen can be really annoying, so how about you have a chat with her and make a compromise? Sometimes you go with her and other times with a mate. If she wont budge, earn some money and go shopping!

Do his parents or did his parents pick up after him alot? Sounds immature because he should have sorted his issues out instead of expecting you to help him. Were all entitled to ask friends and loved ones for help, but when we keep making the same mistakes were on our own. He needed outside proffessional help. You were his woman not his mother, so dont feel guilty, you did the right thing. Sounds like he would have quite happily taken you down with him.

thanks for your thoughts. I suppose what lead me to share that was I dont know what action to take now. I do want to know whether he still loves me or not. Inaction is no longer an option. I dont know how to go about getting my answers from him while keeping my pride.

I met my now ex 4 years ago and we fell in love. Neither of us had been in a long term relationship b4. We were both in our early twenties. We went out together for about a year. I know though that he loved me more than he had ever loved anyone else. He did some really amazing things for me. He found it hard though getting used to being around my child and my son made things difficult for a time. Ex is not very good at dealing with things head on. Anyway, his thing was to go away at the end of every year for 3 weeks with his mates. I felt hurt that he didnt want me to go so about 2 weeks b4 I told him over phone that obviously his friends were more important and hung up on him. I went and saw him a week later on Xmas eve and he told me that it was over. He told me that it was mostly to do with my son. It was hard to extract this info from him. He told me he didnt love me anymore. I left and I pretty much left him alone. 7 weeks later Im out and he sends me a sms saying he cant stop thinking about me. I caught up with him and we eventually got back together. He said that he had not tried hard enough and that he did love me. 11 months later his parents sold their house and moved away, so he wanted to live with me and my brother and my son, so we did. I found it hard to get used to, I loved him more and more but I found it hard to trust that he wasnt going to dump me again and I wasnt ready to change our relationships. However he grew so much as a person. He took on responsibilities gradually and our friendship grew stronger. A year later a mate of his returned from overseas. Friend is really charming and persuasive. He hung around like a bad smell and was always taking over. Friend would come and see me sometimes when ex wasnt home and his g/friend was overseas still and I wasnt sure if he was trying to crack on to me or not. I let him know though that I loved my relationship. I asked ex to help me out with something urgent and he said he couldnt coz he was helping his friend. I told him that I was annoyed and that I was going to stay elsewhere for a few days. I changed my mind but he stayed at his mates house for the next few nights and when he came home we broke up. Was a big shock coz other than our disagreement nothing had changed, if anything we had been getting along really well. He couldnt give me a reason for wanting out other than saying that he couldnt handle domestic responsibilities!!?? He left and 2 weeks later he came and got some of his stuff with his mate whom he moved in with. My son ended up in intensive care and while we were in hospital he came back and grabbed the rest of his stuff. We spoke on the phone once about money etc but that was about it. He left me up to my eyeballs in bills etc but Ive got some car parts of his that are worth a few $. I took out a loan to consolidate bills. I got in contact with him a few months later to try and settle monies owed for car parts and he was nice but evasive. When I followed it up a few weeks later he put a little money into my account but 8 months later Ive still got some of his things that he treasures plus his car parts. He believes that I wouldnt sell them so he knows that they will be just sitting here. His other best mate told my friend that ex refuses to close things. Another time his friend asked my friend if I still loved my ex. There isnt anyone else and he doesnt go out much. I sent him a message telling him that I heard rumours about the company he works for and was everything ok with work. No reply. Im sooo not over him. Ive got lots of fantastic new friends, a new business, new car, great housemate and Ive got great guys interested in me. But 8 months later ex still has my heart. I dont have closure. I dont know exactly that I want to be in a relationship again, but I only want ex. Why wont he finalise things? Hes doing up a car and these car parts I have of his need to be collected b4 he can do anymore to it. What now?

I dont have any advice as such... but I want to tell you about a friend of mine. My friend had a daughter at 18 as a single parent. I had my son at 20 as a single parent also. We made a pact 3 years ago that we would never have another child as single parents. Only with rings on our fingers, even tho thats no guarantee. Her daughter, now 13 is horrible. I wont get into it but she is a nightmare. However, my friend and I both got into relationships, hers was with a man that wont commit. He has an alcoholic type personality but isnt an alcoholic. My friend eventually accidently became pregnant agin to him when she was 30. This guy said he would be there but isnt really. She went through incredible shame at ending up a single parent again. Yet.. her son (now two) is a joy. He saved her. She may never meet anyone again ready to take on her 2 children, but she is reconciled. Her son has made everything worthwhile. He is the most amazing child and has such a happy disposition despite his fathers personality. My girlfriend dreamed as a kid of a romantic future with the fairytale wedding. So far her hopes have been unrealised. My point is, I guess that sometimes things dont turn out the way they were supposed to. Sometimes we find ourselves happy despite the mistakes we make. Whatever you decide to do, do what you think is right. Dont worry about how you will be perceived by others. They are probably making their own mistakes as we speak.

They say you can love someone but not be with them.... still trying to deal with this one myself. I believe it to be true to a certain extent, but on the other hand I believe we spend to much time kicking up a fuss when maybe we should see something to its inevitable natural conclusion. Hope that makes sense If you are going to spend the next ten years thinking about this guy, then you are better off giving it a go. You say that your current relationship is stale... If you believe it to be over then maybe you should move on, maybe to this old flame? If that doesnt work out, you can start afresh, knowing that you gave things a go. However, if 'stale' mate (lol) is someone you may regret losing, you should try to work out your issues first. You may even benefit from ending current relationship, putting feelings for old flame aside and spend some time working out your feelings and getting some clarity. Easier said than done! You only have one life, you need to do what ya gotta do, mistakes and all! Thats my two cents worth. Whatever you decide to do, all the best.

I have had a similar relationship. In this instance, the guy seemed so wonderful, that I got so scared and all I would accept is friendship. I read on a previous thread that we all become so much more attractive when we become less available. I believe this to be true and that sometimes when we see someone getting on with their lives without us, we start to appreciate who they really are as a whole. Move on, without all the availability as a friend and maybe things will turn around in your favour. Best wishes.

No offence, but you almost sound controlling. Love finds you when you least expect it, that woman will almost certainly have flaws, its up to you however, if you accept them. I wish you the best of luck.

I agree. The least you owe her is honesty and closure. Closure helps us to move on and honesty will answer her inevitable confusion and questions as to why the relationship is over. You being honest will also make YOU feel better, because you have made a mistake and have owned up to it. Discover why you got yourself into this situation and then forgive yourself. Best of luck.

thanks, my uncle told me the same thing about those that will face the problem and those who dont. I am proud to be one of the former, and it can only be a strength.

'they' say that distance makes the heart grow fonder? Ive noticed that when couples break up, a lot of the time there is continual communication over the next few weeks. The 'im sorrys' and 'please explains' and 'are you sures' etc. These coversations can help because we all need answers to our questions and ultimately resolution or closure. But... Sometimes we get further with the 'Ok, cool, I would have liked to work this out and I love you but ok, see u later'. Maybe if we take the pressure off, let them now we still love them and then stop contacting them, we become more desirable. You broke up with her, but now it seems like she is breaking up with you. I went through a very similar experience. I tried to work it out and then I got the same deal, so, I rang him to let him know how I felt then stopped contact. 8 of the longest weeks of my life later, he called and we got back together for another 2 years. I will never forget his mate telling me how much he admired my ceasing contact however tempting and that it was an excellent way of turning the tables. I wish you luck.

Discovered this site tonight and feel better already. I used to think I had all the answers and my intuition has served my friends well in the past. There is a wee problem though.... objectivity. My relationship was ended 6 months ago by my partner after 3 years and being my first long term relationship, I often wonder whether what I'm still feeling is normal or whether Ive become my own worst nightmare What I am curious about though is how common is the situation when a partner leaves without any contact for months and then returns. I find it quite baffling that someone can leave without effort then discover that they love this person after all a year or so down the track? I personally couldnt leave someone without putting my cards on the table and trying to resolve issues first?