JSHRN

Hi. In February 2021, I met an absolutely amazing woman. I was working in another state when she contacted me via Facebook because we shared a mutual friend. We had a texting conversation that evening which lasted 13 hours. It was as if we had known each other all of our lives. So many things in common. Same values. Same outlook on life in the future. We met the following weekend and have been together ever since. unfortunately, things are sometimes rocky between us and my depression, anxiety, and bipolar come out. I still have trust issues after being burned by previous exes. And, I really don’t feel like I deserve to be loved. Especially from her. i’m on the verge of losing my house. So, she offered to help me move in with her a few months ago. Since then, I have moved tons of boxes into her place, but have barely unpacked any of them. Just struggling with my depression, anxiety, bipolar, job, health issues. She has her own stuff going on and she doesn’t need my “crap. I’ve struggled for decades with my demons. When we met, neither one of us was looking. In fact, we had both given up on even dating or meeting someone anymore. The past few days, we haven’t gotten along at all. So, I’ve been sleeping in my car. When I texted her about what the answers are to fix things between us she said “I don’t know what the answers are.” I feel like a huge burden to her. I’ve tried to get as much stuff out of my house as possible. But, a lot remains there and she has been little help helping me get stuff out. I really don’t feel things can be saved between us. Just when I think I seem to have met the “right one,” it turns into just another failed relationship. i’m tired of struggling. Depression. Physical health. Job. Finances. I’m probably the last guy in the world she should be with. Any feedback would be sincerely appreciated. Thank you.Any feedback would be sincerely appreciated. Thank you.

Hi Everyone. Hope everyone is doing well. I haven't been on in several months (various issues in life) but it's good to be back. After breaking up last fall, my ex and I went our separate ways. Inevitably, after a few weeks, she would call to "say hello." and we would hang out. Although I never got a reason from her as to why she dumped me, I always felt that I deserved an explanation. It wouldn't change things, I know, but it would have given me some peace of mind. To make a long story short, she called me at work last week and said we "needed to talk." I was surprised! She had been telling friends of ours that she was looking on getting back together and wanted to see how receptive I was. For anyone who remembers my situation last fall this was a toxic relationship. We went for coffee and talked for a few hours. She graduates May 14 and said the whole "single life/doing her own thing" is getting old. She doesn't always say what's on her mind and I was always puzzled by the way she felt towards me. After I received an e-mail from her today, everything is clear! I would appreciate any and all feedback. Thank you. FYI - Regarding your letter.... **All you said was that "no matter what happens between you and I, I'll always have you friendship." Is that what this whole thing means to you? A friendship? I don't know how you perceive this....** Well, I meant what I said. Yes, I only want a friendship. How do I perceive this? I want to be your friend and nothing more. **I wish you could express yourself verbally but understand the need to put your words on paper. I still don't understand what you want from me.** Express myself?? I HAVE! Here are my feelings in black and white for you as well. You still don't understand what I want from you? I have told you many times...I wish YOU could learn to HEAR what I am saying to you. You just don't hear what you don't like. I DON'T want a relationship, I want a FRIENDSHIP. **A recurring word from you during our talk last week at the donut shop was "friend". Is that what you want from me?** Again. I've said it many times...and it was a recurring word during our talk. Do you see a theme here? Why do you keep asking me the same question but then ignore my answer to you? Accept it, hear it, believe it......I wanted a FRIENDSHIP from you. **School is the most important thing in your life right now. Focus on school, graduation and passing boards. But, you need to also focus on what you want from me. I'm not here to be "just your friend." I've made it very clear that I want more than that.** You are a very selfish person Jim. Do you understand what you are saying to me? You know that school is the most important thing in my life and that I have 42 days left. BUT focus on you. That is not my focus right now...although you are forcing it my focus because you are relentlessly looking for the answer YOU WANT from me. Not the answer I am GIVING you. You've made it very clear that you want more, but I have made it very clear (if not before, I'm doing it now) that I DO NOT. I cannot focus on school, etc... if you continue to hound me for the right answer. Besides you are not going to get it no matter how hard you try. It's a moot point. **I want to make love to you. I want to do travel nursing with you. But, you have given me no sign that what you wanted with me back in the fall of 2003 is what you want now.** Listen, I have said that I just want a friendship with you. WHY are you looking for signs that I want more than that. You won't find them and you are just torturing YOURSELF. **I would be very surprised(and extremely disappointed) if you decided not to pursue a relationship with me. I am not here to be "just your friend". That's not what I want.** Again you are very selfish. I have said SEVERAL times that I don't want a relationship-what's to be surprised about????? As I said before, you don't seem to hear me. I honeslty don't care that you are not here to be my friend...and the fact that it's not what you want. I can't make myself be with you when that is not what I want!! If you don't want to be my friend then we have NOTHING. I really didn't want to loose you as a FRIEND but if you cannot except what I am TELLING you then we can't continue to talk to each other. **If I'm so different as you say, why do you continue to avoid spending time with me?** Um, because you can't just be my FRIEND. Everytime we have contact with each other you continue to haunt me with the letters, emails, questions. It's not very fun to have to deal with that, especially now with all the shit going on with school. That is why I avoid spending time with you Jim. **I understand the need for you to do your own thing but I keep going back to last fall** I am truly sorry that things happened the way they did, but it just wasn't the right thing for me and forcing something that isn't the right thing ends up sour in the end anyway. Besides the past is the past for a reason, it's not healthy to live in the past because the future will pass you by (including the chance to have a great FRIENDSHIP together) **I wish you would re-read all of the emails and letters I have sent you** First of all, I HAVE read them. Reading them TWICE isn't going to make a difference. The emails and letters need to STOP. I hate to be mean, but all of them are all the same selfish repetitive stuff. All the emails/letters have been more of a hinderance rather than a help. It's aggrivating when you tell someone something and they blantantly IGNORE it and continue to try to change your mind. You aren't going to change my mind... **This is simply not productive to either one of us** I TOTALLY agree with you here. It's not!! So either you accept the situation and remain my friend or not accept the situation and leave me alone. Don't you see that I have made it clear to you what I want, and you won't accept it nor will you even hear me...you continue to drag this on and you are killing yourself by doing it and aggrivating me. **I am trying to be calm and collected and you are not helping my stress and anxiety level** I cannot believe how selfish you are. Do you think that you pushing the issue here is doing anything for MY stress/anxiety having to constantly deal with this? I am so sorry to put you out here, but as I see it, the only way to "calm" you down is to say what you want to hear, and that is not going to happen. **counseling as a couple** You have mentioned this twice now. This is just plain unreasonable. First, we aren't a couple, second...you say it will help us better relate to one another...there is no relation problems here!! There is only a one way communication barrier, you don't accept what I say to you so you act as if I haven't told you how I feel. **All I know is that his is making us both crazy and miserable.** You are so right. But "this" is being created by you. It's making you crazy and miserable because you won't accept things the way they are. It's making me crazy and miserable because you continue harp on it. **Once again, I am not trying to jeopardize the last few weeks of school for you.** Ahhhh, but you are Jim. You say you understand, but I really don't think you do. If you did and you really didn't want to jeopardize the last few weeks, you wouldn't continue to push the issue. **I really have no idea what your plans are for getting involved again** Please...understand me. I don't want to get involved. I don't know how many times I have to say it. You just don't want to HEAR it. It is really frustrating when I have CLEARLY said that I only want a FRIENDSHIP and you keep saying that you have NO IDEA what I want, what my plans are, etc...It's ridiculous. Here is what my plans are in black and white.....I ONLY WANT A FRIENDSHIP. If that is not what you want and you can't do that, then we can't talk anymore. I am sorry that I have to say it so point blank, but you need to understand it, and maybe if I say it this way you will. **Once again, Allie, that's not what I want from you** Once again, Jim, what YOU want is not all there is in life. I completely understand what you want, there is no question there. But my question to you is do you get what I want???????? **You haven't given me any indication that you're stil interested in me, other than as a friend** Once again. NO I did NOT give you any indication, because there is NOTHING to indicate to you...why don't you get it????????? **Stay focused with school. But, also think about what you're doing with you and I. With all of this uncertainty from you I am ready to walk away from everything.** UNCERTAINTY???? where??? I TOLD you EXACTLY how I felt and what I wanted. Think about this, is there UNCERTAINTY?? Focus on school? You won't let me!! Walk away....well, Jim, maybe it's for the best. You are not going to accept a friendship, and that is ALL I want. I also don't want the type of friendship where I have to constantly remind you that it's ALL I want. Please do not send me any more letters concerning this. It will not change anything and you will make things very stressful for the both of us. Take care. Quite the novel, isn't it? But, after reading it it's obvious she didn't write it. It's not the way she speaks or the way she writes. In any event, it really is a moot point between the two of us. I was played by her last fall and now the door is finally closed on this part of my life. I moved on a few months but had some hope that maybe we could rekindle what we had last summer and fall. Unfortunatel, that's not going to happen. Any thought?

After a brief 4 month relationship with Allison she decided to "disappear". No phone calls. No sex. Nothing. We "got back together" in mid December, then she disappeared again. I had no contact with her for almost 6 weeks (I know, not long enough), but she called me. She was worried about "losing me." We started talking (casually) again, but my walls were up. She said she realized how much she hurt and that that was never her intention. She said that I was a "very important part of her life" but that she was trying to "find herself." ???? What the heck does that mean? If you want to be with someone -- fine. If not, that's fine too. But, you're trying to find yourself???? I don't get that! If you've been following my story the past several months, you know that I was in love with this woman. When we talked on January 30th and she said she was "trying to find herself" I was blown away! I mean, why is our relationship that complicated anyway. She said I was "more than a friend" to her yet we have no relationship and no sex in 5 months! I'm no rocket scientist here but I don't know what "couple" she's looking at. How does someone go from being "in love" with someone to "no contact" to "I don't want things to end up this way" yet doesn't want a relationship? She's calling everyday and I usually don't answer the phone or return her calls because she's playing "the game" again. She said she thought when we first started dating that she wanted a relationship. Then realized, after a recent breakup last summer, that she "wasn't ready"! Huh? I told her you don't just date someone, tell them you love them, want to be with them, etc, then "walk away." For anyone who knows the whole details of my story, I'm not "hanging on" to her. I have no desire to have a relationship with anyone. If someone comes along, fine. I'll casually date. But, I'm emotionally unavailable (again)! She knows how I feel about her and this whole situation. But, she still doesn't get it. She thinks I should be okay while she "finds herself." I never said that I was going to go out and find someone else -- that's not me. I had hoped (and still hope) for another chance with her. I don't feel like "more than friends" with her and don't know where she came off with that comment! Well, I'm rambling now because I feel my blood beginning to boil!! Any thoughts? JSHRN

I have to add my 2 cents here. Although you thought what you were doing was "okay" it really wasn't - okay? Seriously, you violated your girlfriend and her trust by doing this. I do appreciate the fact that you realize that what you did was wrong, but the fact remains that you shattered a very important part of your relationship with her. Why did you tell her a "minimal version of the truth"? How "devastated" have you been by your actions? I don't know how horrible you really feel and am surprised that your girlfriend forgave you! Do you really know that you'll never do this again? Does your girlfriend really believe that? I won't say that you're a deranged individual. Obviously, you had a reason for doing what you did. But, if you really wanted to masturbate to pictures of a stranger, why not just buy a Playboy and have at it. Or, buy a trial membership to the millions of porn sites on the Net. Is it really worth risking a relationship with someone that you supposedly love? I'm sorry to be brutally honest with you. JSHRN

Mononucleosis or "the kissing disease," is an infection that is usually caused by the Epstein-Barr virus (EBV). EBV is very common - most people become infected with it at some point during their lives, but not everyone develops mono when they get infected. EBV is classified as one of several herpes viruses, but it is not one of the viruses that cause cold sores or genital herpes. Like other herpes viruses, once you've been infected with EBV, it stays in your body for the rest of your life. It may reappear in your saliva from time to time, but you usually won't get the symptoms of mono again from this virus. One common way to "catch" mono is by kissing someone who has been infected, which is how the illness got its nickname. Although a quick smooch between friends probably won't do any harm, intimate kissing with someone who's infected can put you at greater risk for getting the disease if you have never been infected with EBV. But you may wonder, "How did I get this kissing disease when I haven't kissed anyone?" You can also get mononucleosis through other types of direct contact with saliva from someone infected with the virus, such as by sharing a straw or an eating utensil. Some people who have the virus in their bodies never have any symptoms, but you may still pick up the virus from them. In fact, experts believe that EBV often spreads from people who have it but don't have mono. Someone who does have mono is most contagious while he or she has a fever. Symptoms usually begin to appear 4 to 7 weeks after you've been infected with the virus. Signs that you may have mono include: - being tired all the time - fever - sore throat - loss of appetite - swollen lymph nodes (also commonly known as glands, located in your neck, underarms, and groin) - headaches sore muscles - larger-than-normal liver and spleen - skin rash - abdominal pain People who have mono may have different combinations of these symptoms, and some people may have symptoms so mild that they hardly notice them. Other people may have no symptoms at all. Because these symptoms are so general and can be symptoms of other illnesses, a doctor may mistake mononucleosis for the flu or even strep throat. In fact, occasionally some teens may have mono and strep throat at the same time. To help make a diagnosis, the doctor may want to take some blood tests to determine if mono is causing your symptoms. But even if the blood tests indicate that you have mono, there isn't much the doctor can do other than advise you to drink lots of fluids and get lots of rest. There is no cure for mononucleosis, but the good news is that even if you do nothing, the illness will go away by itself, usually in 3 to 4 weeks. Because mono is caused by a virus, antibiotics such as penicillin won't help unless you have a secondary infection such as strep throat. The best treatment is to get plenty of rest, especially during the beginning stages of the illness. As your boyfriend recovers, make sure he doesn't share the virus with you, his friends or family. Chances are they will not get the disease from casual contact with him, but you can take a few steps to help them stay germfree. Good Luck. JSHRN

Unfortunately, not everyone in your life is going to like you. Some may not even respect you (through no fault of your own -- it's just human nature). The fact of the matter is they should at least be civil to you, whether it be at work or play. Don't try to get the respect of "everyone" you come in contact with because it just doesn't exist. There are too many character traits and flaws in personality for this to be a reality. Some things you CAN focus on to give you better results: - Share new and exciting experiences with close friends. - Set a good example for others (especially younger siblings) by doing things such as volunteering in your community. - Have a strong sense of self-worth and self-respect. - Increase control over your life and its direction. - Achieve personal growth and progress toward one's goals. Good Luck. JSHRN

I don't understand why you have to get on his case over this. Obviously one of two things is happening here: 1. You're brother is content to be casually dating and living the single life or 2. He is happy where he is in life, but is still searching for Mrs. Right. Either way, it's HIS life. He's 36, successful, attractive, but hasn't married yet. Marriage isn't for everyone. Maybe it's not for him -- maybe it is. But, that's for him to determine. What is "getting on his case" going to prove? Just be supportive of him -- whatever dating choices he makes in life. Getting on his case to get him to be with someone is not fair to him or his prospective partner.

Well, the rebound is a term for the way people behave in the early period after they get dumped. Some don't have a rebound period, some have a lengthy one. During that time all sorts of things can happen. They can either be desperately looking for someone else to go out with, because they feel that there is such a gap in their life they just have to fill it. Or they can go completely off relationships altogether, and reject anyone that comes near them, because they are hurting, and dont want to feel that hurt again, or put themselves in a position where they can be hurt again. It depends on the individual. You really never know unless you are around the person and speak to them. They are likely to be vulnerable if they were having a really serious relationship, and you have to be careful. How is she coping with her new relationship? The relationship doesn't seem right to you? How does it feel to her? What is she feeling? Hopefully, her new found love won't be reckless with her heart, she is in a vulnerable position at the moment, and someone playing with her emotions is not what she needs. She may need your support.

I agree with kadillac on this. Getting "revenge" on her doesn't make you any more of a person than she is. I'm sorry you're hurting and I'm sorry she broke your heart BUT revenge is not the answer. [-X What I suggest is far more noble and far more difficult. Some might even call it passive aggression, and I suppose I would not argue with them. I would prefer to call it by another name; forgiveness. All of us have faults. Your ex has has clouded judgment, especially where your feelings are concerned. Chances are, your emotions and/or feelings are not even being considered by her. You may feel better for a brief moment. But there is no benefit to you by being vengeful and hateful towards her. Let it go. Should you choose to get revenge her friends and yours will probably be embarrassed for you. You must find other ways to release your emotions. Find a field and scream. Run until you sweat. Talk with a friend, or counselor. Get a punching bag. ](*,) Rip paper to shreds. Pray. [-o But above all else, forgive. Turn the other cheek, be the better person, learn from your experiences. You will heal, and then you truly will feel better. And isn't that what you really want anyway? Peace. JSHRN

Hi. I noticed you too. I'm also ready and willing to listen to you. Please feel free to PM me. JSHRN

Spending Valentine's Day away from your boyfriend must be difficult. But, there are ways to add some "sizzle" to your relationship. 1. Make a surprise box for him. Inside the box, put little boxes that each contain a token of your love to him, such as cards, poems, pictures. 2. Write him a poem. Or words to your favorite song. 3. Get some Hershey kisses. Take the strip of paper from the kisses and write little notes or fortunes, such as "I can't wait to be with you." Re-wrap the Hershey Kisses with the papers and send them to your boyfriend with a little note saying something like, "Whenever you feel lonely, have one of these." He doesn't like sweets but I'm sure he'd really enjoy the sayings you write. JSHRN

Hi jester. Whoah! Hold on! No one in this world is a freak. I think the issue is a negative self image and how you see yourself, as opposed to how others see you. You mention 4 points that people around you see in you... Those are admirable qualities that should not be taken lightly. Often folks label themselves as failures or rejects because they didn't perform so well on some task or got rejected by someone or something in life. It doesn't make us a bad person. It's just a lesson to be laernaed. A stepping stone in life. Each of us has many, many positive, neutral, and some negative qualities. Each of us possess millions of traits and behaviors. By looking at ourselves in a negative way we act in accordance with how we perceive ourselves. If we see ourselves as failures, we will tend to act that way. All attacks on us and our personality are based on distortion. It's human nature to be less than pleased with our personality, our appearance, our hairstyle, our complexion, our job, our financial status, etc. There are so many variable and traits that make us unique to the world.When we label ourselves a fool or worthless we are seeing only one of our qualities and traits. You are a good person with a lot to offer someone. I will not point and laugh. I will point and say Welcome to eNotalone! Enjoy your stay. Please feel free to share your stories and post often. I hope you gain a lot of wonderful insight from this forum. JSHRN

Hi Lydia. I think you're putting too much pressure on your boyfriend. The reality is that a man can never come on too slow with a girl, only too fast. Personally, I think a sure fire way to sabotage a potentially great relationship is to come on heavy verbally; reveal too much about yourself too soon; and let a woman know that you are really interested in her. I think most women prefer a man of mystery. Slow down. You are probably creating a problem here by being so insistent on his giving you the answers that you want to hear. (I don't think threatening to end the relationship will get him to say those 3 words). This sounds a little too much like "love me or I'll kill you." Talk to him about your feelings for him and your views on the relationship. Since you already have future plans you have a very open communication with each other. But please - don't force him to say I love you. There are other ways to say 'I love you' without actually speaking the words. JSHRN

According to the Durex condom company, the average circumference (girth) is 5 inches. I suspect some black guys weighted that average to the high side. I think it is closer to 4.25 inches for white men. You should measure the circumference at mid shaft. However, for practical concerns, and bragging rights, it is best to take the widest point, without including parts that would never be used in penetration. To all the men who question their penis size: While it is true that women find well hung penises to be visually pleasing, size really matters less when it comes to sex. Many women would rather make love a man with a 4-inch penis than a man with an 11-inch penis if the 4-inch man knows how to use it. From women I've talked to in my years in the health care profession, it seems that extremely well hung men just want to "jam it in" for their own pleasure. Four to 6 inches is just fine, as long as you take time to make love to your woman.

During the first week you could become pregnant You must use non-hormonal back-up contraception (such as a condom, spermicide or diaphragm) for the first seven days of patch use. If followed, the birth control patch will be as effective during the first cycle as it will be in subsequent cycles of use. JSHRN