Hey - I gotta admit - I just skimmed your letter cause the 'suicide' mention alarmed me. So, keep that in mind re: my advice although if you were sincerely contemplating that I stand by my advice, friend. I think if you are feeling so that ANY cirmcumstances would make you want to be alive - I would say - from experience, that this is not about the girl. The girl situation may suck but, and I say this as fact, your life and the opportunities ahead are what is important. What is going on with you now and why you feel this way is crucial. The girl situation is not - in fact, I believe, dealing with what is going on now will not make this "life or death" re: a girl situation in the future. I'm no expert - I'm older than you probably (in my 30's) and when I was younger I had similar feelings but I got the right help and not suicidal thoughts I would never consider. I don't know if this helps - but I do feel the important thing isn't the girl right now its making you feel your okay as is. Take care.