mfurb33

What have I gained from my breakup?....a GREAT new girlfriend!!! LOL!! Thought I'd lighten it up a little...I think you summed it up best, Self Discoverer....the truly great thing I gained was finding myself and realizing that true happiness has to come from yourself, and that you can't rely on someone else to provide that for you...it took a few months, but I finally got myself straight.

Hey gang, figured I'd post this to get some feedback.... My family has a history of depression, and I was a lucky recipient of it as well. Top that off with my girl of three years leaving me, and I've just been feeling FREAKIN' WONDERFUL!!! Lol!....Anyway, and seriously, has anyone been on antidepressants and actually felt better on them? All of the ones I've tried have done nothing but made me extremely sick, and I can't even make it past the first week. Lexapro, Effexor...all of them just destroy my entire functioning! So tell me, anybody have success on these things? Do you feel like an emotionless zombie? Depression is an unexplainable feeling...does it really go away once these things kick in? Thank you to all who reply....

How do you all, who have been in long relationships that have ended, deal with the days that you feel so alone, and your mind starts slipping back to the ex?... I figured I'd start with the question, then leave it up to you if ya want to read the rest. It's been 2 months now since my girlfriend of 3 years ended things. We've had no contact, other than me sending a simple "Miss ya" e-mail to her, which I don't expect her to respond to. With help from this site, family and friends, I've come a long way in a short time. I've pulled it together, put on the weight I lost, don't cry, sleep well, stay busy, have fun, workout, etc..etc...basically, living life and moving on. The ex hasn't even crossed my mind for weeks, then, this last Sunday, I found myself at my apartment, all alone, and the thoughts started creeping in. I felt so alone...so lonely...we had a long distance relationship, and there were a lot of times I could sit by myself all day and it wouldn't bother me a bit, cause I knew she was there. We were just an hour apart. (Though she wasn't even there physically, I didn't feel the loneliness at all.) There was just nothing I could do, it seemed, to stop the impending sadness that was coming over me...and it's made it rough to snap out of this whole week. Does anyone relate to what I'm talking about?....And does anybody want to share how they deal with these days?...It stinks, cause you know what to do, you know how you should think about it, you know that things are probably 'for the best' and that one day you'll get over it completely...but then, days like the one I had creep in, and make you feel like you're starting all over....thanx for listening. I needed to get that off my chest, if anything...responses are always welcome. ~Furb

Here you go, Lovely Lady!.... link removed

I think that you've been waiting too long already on a response...move on, my friend. When you sent the e-mail, you should've known that no response might have been a possible scenario, and to be 'depressed' about it is not a way to go....It's tough to not 'hang on' to whatever hope you have to rekindle whatever kind of relationship you want with her, but odds are, she's not responding cause she doesn't want to. Don't call, don't write, DO live....I'm not sure what the background of your situation is, but I know that waiting around on someone to come back into your life is not the way to go. Keep floating around on this website and you'll come to realize it...best of luck to you...

That is a crazy story! To the board, I don't think this guy should be berated for what he did....yes, it was extreme, but think of the level of emotion this guy was on when he found this all out. Think about being with someone so long and knowing them inside and out....then have a 360 like this slap you in the face. That's got to be insanely tough! I don't think it's right to sit here and say "Get some help!" or "Suck it up!"...Bdwiii acted on pure emotion, and I think he's realizing that he may have gone too far...so chalk it up as a lesson learned. I'm sure he won't go off the handle again. We've all done something stupid in our lives...this is no exception. As for you Bdwiii...I think that this saying has never meant more to one person than you, but YOU DESERVE BETTER. Start the healing process of getting this woman OUT of your life and mind forever. Who you thought she was is dead now, and if you're still in love it's with the memory of who she was. Time to let it all go and live your own life for yourself....

Just treat them like one of the guys...if you start talking to girls with "I wonder if she would go out with me" in the back of your head, you're going to end up talking to her like you're trying to lead up to something, instead of just talking like a normal human being. You start trying to figure out how to ask them out, you're going to miss everything that their saying to you in the conversation, too! Have no expectations about anything, and that's when things start to happen! Friends first, always. These girls that you may want to ask out, could annoy you within a month of being friends with them. Just play it cool and don't be in a rush...get to know them for a longer period of time....

If in fact the relationship was meaningful, and lasted for a good amount of time, just prepare yourself for a rollercoaster of emotions. One day, you'll be on top of the world, the next day, you're at the bottom again. Just keep in mind that it's o.k. to have down days about it, and that the good days aren't just 'fluke's'....you can really be a truly happy person without the ex, or anyone else, by your side. Be strong, dude! Trust me from experience, it gets better! (and pretty darn fun, too!) Take care....

Excellent post Gettinthroughit....that totally made sense and allowed me (and hopefully others) to look at things from yet another perspective. It's very true though....we tend to want to go back to what our ex's WERE...forgetting that that person isn't there anymore. Wow. To me, and it may just be the stage I'm in during my "breakup grief process" (lol!), that post really was powerful. I don't know what happened in your relationship or what, but thinking like that only 3 weeks into it is quite an accomplishment. Cheers to you, my friend...and thank you for sharing.

infaith, I'm not sure why, but your post brought tears to my eyes.... That was such an honest post...I feel your pain, as I too invested a lot emotionally and financially in a 3 year relationship that I thought was going to end in marriage. And I, too, was left with seemingly no remorse or regret from my partner. I'm sure she hurts every now and then, too...and I know she gave a lot emotionally and what she could financially to our relationship, and I appreciate that. But I guess it's a natural reaction to look at all you put into something that someone else 'throws away', so to speak. I know I did. My apartment, the money I had in the bank, was all for us a mere 9 months down the road for when we moved in together. But I realized that no matter how much I had given her, how much I had thought I'd sacrificed emotionally and physically...it wouldn't of changed things. Sometimes things just don't work out...and I like to believe that there's a reason it didn't, and that something or someone better is out there. Just keep your head up....go through these emotions and get them out...you weren't used, infaith...it wasn't like he didn't want to be there all 5 of those years. I'm sure all you did was appreciated by him at the time, and you're just a sweet, kind person to do all that for someone else. Someone will come along who truly deserves that kind of treatment from you...take care...

Hey bdwii....listen to Crookster, he's right. People are always saying how bad they want to get back with their ex, (including myself for some time), and really, they never have any other reason besides this 'want' and 'need' nonsense. I'm not bitter towards my ex, and actually, I'm learning a lot about myself and really seeing things in a different light since she left. I also see friends relationships, and others relationships on this site that reflect a lot with how mine was, and I see how unhealthy it really is (was). My friend, it sounds like a lot of things with that woman were not good 4 u. And the longing for her to come back, it finally happening, and then losing it again is probably kicking your self-confidence square in the b@lls. The pain, the loss, the emptiness...it's so unbearable, and what is the easiest solution to this? Getting the 'ex' back. Do you really want this particular girl? Because you love her so much? Do you love the mood swings? The drinking? The coldness of her during the time when you need her honesty and compassion the most? C'mon man, think about it hard. Is it just the fear of starting over? Thinking that no one will understand you like her? That no one will know how to touch and kiss you like her? Thinking that maybe no one else will find you as attractive (or make you feel that attractive?) as she did? You need to try (as hard as it is) to think about it in that way. Some people confuse real love with the feeling that they get from someone else that gives them confidence, reassurance and a positive attitude about THEMSELVES rather than having all of those things to begin with, then sharing how great of a person YOU are with another. I know coming from someone who was no where NEAR as deep as you were in a relationship, you may brush some of this aside, but if just a little of it creeps into your head and gets you thinking...then it's worth something. As I posted before to you, just give yourself some time...learn to respect, love and appreciate yourself. Think of all the positive things you have in your life, and how she was just one of many of those things. Best of luck to you always....

Let it out man...let your emotions do whatever they want to do. I'd bet that 90% of the guys on here that were involved in a breakup cried like a baby (myself included) no matter how tough they are...I'm so sorry to hear about your situation and wish I had the words to help you...I can relate to what you said about what family and friends are telling you, and I'm sure it's going in one ear and out the other right now. Give yourself some time...work through all your thoughts and emotions...try, try, try NOT to play the blame game with yourself. My friend, some things just aren't meant to be, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. But realizations like this (and this is a re-occurring theme) take time. Just try your hardest to hang in there, and don't stop your life in the meantime, though I know everything you do seems meaningless right now. Best wishes....

There's definitely many ways to go about this, and I don't agree/disagree with anything that anyone has said, cause it all boils down to what the individual wants to do....but I must speak up on one comment that was made in the last post. That would be "- instead of the common response - run, hide, ignore, do without. " When those of us in this situation choose the path of cutting contact from a person who initiated a break up, this is not running from it, it is not hiding from the pain, it is not ignoring something that is there and we're too hurt to face....it's called "getting on with your life." When you're heartbroken and 'dumped', you don't see things the way that they truly are. You see through a distorted vision through your heart. You don't see when someone is hanging you on a string with little lines to keep you there, in case what they want doesn't work out or they need a 'booty call'....you don't see how you're being used and torn apart emotionally while the other person does whatever they want, and you're left waiting, putting your life on hold for (9 times out of 10) NOTHING. Cutting contact is not cowardly act. It is not running, nor hiding...it's about having respect for yourself and taking your life and happiness back from someone who, if they truly wanted to be with you, would be with you.

Dealing with girls who have boyfriends is a touchy scenario, my friend. Honestly, the best thing to do is enjoy the fact that these girls are apparently attracted to you...flirt a bit with them (nothing wrong with that)...and let it boost your ego and your confidence! Other than that, if one of them wants something more, let them make that move. Consider them 'untouchable' in your eyes....that's the best way to deal with it. And yeah, going somewhere after work with them is no big deal....just treat it like you're hanging out with your buds, nothing more. Keep it all on a friendship level....and enjoy the flattery!

'Atta boy!! Get out there and live your life and be happy Street! When it boils down to it, you have 2 ways, and only 2 ways to deal with something like this. 1. Sit around, moping and waiting for her to come around and re-kindle the 'love' that you had...living your life waiting for her...(when you know after all this time, is it ever going to be like it was again? Probably not. You just want her back so YOU can feel better about yourself again! That's not a healthy love!) 2. Go out....enjoy your life! Be happy! Do things that you want to do...don't have anything to do or anywhere to go? Then make the most out of what you can do and where you can go! Don't stop your life over this. Yeah, it sucks, and yeah, that seems impossible....but that's because you are sooooo convinced that you need this person in your life to make you as happy as you were when you were together. So why not convince yourself that you DON'T need her to make you that happy!? Street, you're in complete control of your own 'emotional destiny'! lol! It's time to do things for you now...things that make you happy...things that give you confidence and put a smile on your face. Great job on working on the muscle and the wardrobe...I mean, why not make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex AND improve your health at the same time? Exercise is a GREAT confidence booster! I don't know if you've ran accross this in the forum before, but maybe this will help out when you need a little boost. You're gonna' be alright man! Check out this link.... link removed