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j.man

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j.man last won the day on February 8 2020

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  1. I mean it's a conversation to be had, especially if you didn't go into your relationship already as a swimsuit model. I'd like to think that if for whatever reason I decided to do some shoots in a speedo my wife would just give me the salute, but it's nothing I'd take for granted. At the end of the day, if this is something you feel you need or want strongly to do, then by all means do it. However, you may require a partner who's cool with it. Generally speaking, this isn't a boundary which inspires much compromise or negotiation. Assert your own best interests regardless of his if you feel so confidently in them. It's your life to live and there are plenty of men out there. Best of luck to you.
  2. I've been with my wife 8 years, 4 married. If she decided to book a 4am flight, she'd be taking an Uber. I personally couldn't fathom booking something like that and expecting her to drive me, certainly not for a flight I had weeks to schedule at a reasonable day and time. Why wouldn't I want her to get a full rest? Because I'm not? Sounds petty. Luckily, it's a non issue as neither of us would do something so goofy. Being in a relationship isn't a license to arbitrarily inconvenience your partner to your own benefit. It's every bit as much what you ask of someone as it is what they'd do for you.
  3. Obsessing over your adult daughter's sexuality is pretty ****in' weird. It's not like they're bringing strange dudes over. It's literally zero effort to simply not ask or wonder, and that 100% would be just that. How instead your mind wanders into what the bits inside their pants are up to is very thankfully beyond me. Frankly, I don't know what dimension we'd have to exist in where them strategically lying to you wouldn't objectively be the smarter decision for their parts.
  4. I only allow myself one selfie every two years so you get what you get. Blame her for yawning. She's 100% healthy, gaining weight, fartin, lacking critical thinking skills, etc. She gets some restless spells but luckily (knock on wood) she's been phenomenal with cues before resorting to any kind of shrieking. I'm sure there's plenty of struggle to come, but first month of parenthood has been an absolute dream. Couldn't complain about a thing. Even her pooping on my hands while changing her out of another poopy diaper (what I'm now calling a "double tap") leaves me loving her more. Wife and I are fortunate and privileged to both be able to comfortably take time off, and we have a pretty good system that allows us both to get some decent rest-- obviously her a bit less so on account of feedings. I'm sure I'll be around to ask some questions and get some insights from the more parentally experienced here, but in the meantime just wanted to give a little back to all of you I've enjoyed BSing with for these last several years! Love from j.man and l.girl
  5. It all went pretty smoothly. I met him at the car and offered to walk around outside for about 20 minutes to catch up. Toward the end, I showed him the baby through the glass screen door. Didn't feel great doing it, but it's the best I could come up with. Put her back down and met him again outside to see him off. To his credit, he went along with it all. FWIW, it's not really the village aspect I have a problem with. Pretty much anyone could tell me they want to visit and I'd go with it. At the beginning it was just a minor inconvenience, but last minute throwing in the fact he was sick before coming down really hit me the wrong way. It's great hearing other people's experiences, though. Many thanks for all the warm wishes and congratulations! Means a lot to me. Promise to be back with a more positive thread with a picture or two very soon!
  6. Alright, I promise a better, happier post with pictures in the near future, but in the meantime my not necessarily estranged, but definitely at this point not at all intimately related step father, also known in this moment as the d1ck of all d1cks, tried to pull the most smooth brained fast one I've ever witnessed. We were due March 30th, and he calls me last week just like "lol hey passing through when's a good time to visit next week?" And as tactfully as I could, pretty much just told him the due date and that i don't know what the **** would be the situation on any given day. We don't exactly have a line of people trying to visit us straight away because fortunately, most people we know and love have that ounce of common sense, particularly those who would at least ostensibly know better after having had a kid themselves, so I just told him I'd let him know if the baby came and that we'd be fine if he wanted to swing by for a quick visit. Little girl popped out on Monday, and we were able to bring her home Wednesday. We arrange for him to stop by Saturday (today). Come this morning, I hear my text notification go off with a text from him saying basically, "On my way, be there in a few hours, not gonna hang around long because I'm getting a cold and don't want to get you guys sick." Legit just a "oh and P.S." No call, just a text letting me know like it's just happening. I call him, he doesn't answer, and then I text saying it's not a good time if any of the three of us might get sick. But I guess he's just on his way. I like to think myself a pretty laid back guy, and we're pretty far from expecting visitors present vaccine statuses before visiting or anything close to that, but taking for granted you could just show up with a cold is absolutely ****ing wild. EVEN WORSE, I call my sister to vent away from my sleeping wife and baby, and she tells me they gave him a heads up their kids were sick before he visited and suggested he visit them on his way back down *after* visiting us, and he still chose to visit them first. Swap my already small brain out for a gerbil's and I'd still have enough grooves to process how categorically stupid that **** is. I don't think I have it in me to thank him for his visit through the front door, but he's definitely not coming inside. The most I think I'll do is walk around the block a couple times with him safely distanced to catch up a little bit. Thanks for reading through my rant. I needed to let off the steam so I could be better present. ETA: And by walking outside, I definitely mean without the kid. He gets to forego that visitation altogether. Not taking that risk.
  7. In this case, his/his/ours. "What's mine is yours" works when you're genuinely OK with upfront on the balance sheet seeing the fact your SO drops a whole $80 or whatever a month in discretionary spending treating his friends and family. If you don't wanna see that, do separate accounts for such expenditures. Additionally, you claim that you don't want to hold it onto him for the fact you're making more money than he is, but clearly your emotions are dictating you lord it over him. You are arguing with him fairly regularly about it after all. That's something to address likely both internally and with him, even if through a mediating counselor. Also-- I didn't read catfeeder's latest post before this paragraph, but it's really worth heeding. Wishing the best for both of you.
  8. Personally, so long as we're talking an actual family celebration or something, I'd opt for the birthday. But my wife and I are also on the same page where at a social and logistical level, we agree it makes more sense to opt for a gathering when we can much more easily rearrange a special night for just us two. That said, conventional wisdom will probably almost always be that your anniversary celebration has to be that special day for the sake of the ~*magic*~. Assuming we hadn't communicated about things like this prior to tying the knot, it's not something I'd die on a hill over. If your wife would be legit upset, I'd just stick with the plan and make it a point to visit your niece another time soon with a gift. Hopefully she's not holding a grudge for you having simply floated the idea in good faith.
  9. Alright, others are giving you some rightful and righteous advice, so I'm gonna hone in on this bit as your topic asks more generally how couples [healthily] argue. First and foremost, you accept what's in bold. While it's not a 100% thing, it's a pretty damn good sign a relationship is at least healthier if you don't need to look at each and every issue as something that has to be tackled right at the moment, lest you sit their anxious not wondering where a resolution would land you. Knowing that things are essentially okay even if a conversation will need to be had at a later appropriate time is pretty key to a healthy relationship. My wife and I argue infrequently, and constructively when we do need to. There have been a few pretty big issues over the several years, but at least since we've been serious, there's been nothing that leaves either of us so anxious something's wrong to where we can't let it go and carry on more or less just fine until an appropriate amount of time has passed and we're in an appropriate enough setting to have a solid conversation about it. If you don't have that underlying solace, it's a pretty solid indicator things are kinda ****ed and headed in pretty much in only one direction. ETA: And while she's not here for me to advise she work on her stress levels, I will kinda pile on you but suggesting not to get ****in' tanked before your lady so much as shows up. And if you do, acknowledge you've forfeited your right to get indignant. C'mon.
  10. Was literally just typing my agreement with hitting up friends and family first. Then you replied. Glad you went through the appropriate channels and I'm glad that at least relatively speaking, she's doing well. Don't kick yourself for being concerned. You handled it perfectly.
  11. Just a protip-- if you find yourself acting like... well, I'll try hard to put it nicely... not the best person you could be, it's a good time to reevaluate whether you're with the right person. Your boundary itself is perfectly fine. Not everyone likes or wants cats. However, presenting an ultimatum that she get rid of what any semi-responsible adult would and should consider commitments is not. Animals aren't something you treat in the same regard as headphones you held onto the receipt for. A lot of people meet each other in college. A lot of people move on to meet other people after college. Sounds like you should've stuck with the decision to go about the latter. Lording over matters as significant as whether to have animals in the house isn't the best look, nor would it be much fun. At least I'd hope not.
  12. I say go have fun. He doesn't have a real leg to stand on, especially considering you at least seem to really only be going because your friends invited you to a one-off celebration. It'd be an extra level of rich for him to get meaningfully upset when in his context, he didn't even have that excuse. Dude just went to look at some live knockers. You had your conversation and he gave you his assurances, even if it seems kinda pouty. It's not really a matter of permission, so I wouldn't delve into how it makes him personally feel and keep dragging that matter out. Again, he doesn't have to enjoy it. But he either learns to accept you doing the same **** he's done or he doesn't. How he deals with you enjoying the same freedoms he enjoys is about as good a litmus test as anything else.
  13. Wait so did this dude go to strip clubs while he was exclusive with you? Kind of a key detail if we're gonna be calling him out for a double standard or if he just happens to have simply been to them and has different boundaries when he's single vs. when he's committed. In any case, I'd go if you wanna go. Personally they're not my cup of tea, but if my wife had friends invite her to a strip club for some kind of yaaas queen celebration, it wouldn't be any hill I'd care to die on. Particularly if he has been to strip clubs while committed to you, I'd take him at his word. He's told you both that he "understands" and that he'll get over it. We don't have to enjoy every decision our partners make, so just see if he lives up to the getting over it bit. If he gets tiffy or insists on holding a grudge over it, there's your sign. ETA: You replied a split second before I hit submit-- disregard me inquiring on the order of events!
  14. Why not just "let's chalk it up to a busy weekend for both of us?" Frankly, weekends are when people generally have to do ****, and sometimes one or both of you is going to have enough going on where either you get comfortable enough to keep yourself entertained at their place for the better chunk of an afternoon or you're both fine foregoing a weekend together. I find it difficult to imagine you never have enough going on some given weekend where he wouldn't essentially be in your shoes now. I did this kind of thing for maybe half a year with a woman. By that I mean the "not quite long distance, but enough distance where staying weekends is pretty much the only thing sustainably worth the trip." This specific guy and situation aside (it sounds like there's a lot more to the story), I'm not sure it's the right dynamic for you. It certainly wasn't for me once the novelty wore off. It's really something you engage in because you thrive off of it, not you hope to succeed despite of it.
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