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DaveCummings

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  1. Dear Ex, Tell your new bf about this, I don't care. I'm a changed man and I became a changed man since the day you and I parted ways. The choice you and I made has stuck with me and has made living with myself unbarable, but how long must I hold that over my head. Forever going to feel that my desire to redeem myself will never be enough and I'm not mad at myself or at you for it. I hated the fact that you and I had something truly amazing. So amazing that I never felt that way about anyone I've ever been with. Even the day we left each other you still gave me butterflies. Imagine that. Imagine such a fool I am to have desired someone so badly. The day you walked out that door I wouldn't even look you in the eyes as you walked away because I didn't want you to see me break down. No amount of booze ever could make me forget. That smug look on your face as you left like I was such a detriment to your life that the biggest weight was lifted from your shoulders the day I said good bye. Really? REALLY? It was you who worked so hard to win me over, to shower me with love and vow I was the only one you ever wanted to marry just to what, take that away from me? Make it out like it was ME who wanted it all this time and was pressuring you? BS and you know it... Fine you changed your feelings, but don't make it out like this was all some desire only I had and you couldn't wait to get away. I didn't like who I turned into either, couldn't you have just said that? Or would that mean you'd have to acknowledge you too recognize how great we were and just wanted the excuse to leave. I lied, I hurt you and I've gone on so hard to make up to myself just how much I did no better for you. How mad I was at myself that I tried so hard to be this great guy to you to be the best thing in your life, yet it wasn't enough. Nothing I could ever do could ever make up for what was missing in your life and that was never my fault. Now we both are responsible for this mess and all I kept hoping was that you'd realize it just as much and wander back into my arms. I tore my flesh up with ink, on your birthday of all days imagine that was the only time they were avail, I did it to remind me of the pain I endured, the death of myself and the change that came. It's a permanent reminder of where I came from because YOU meant that much to me I'd endure that pain 1000x over just because of it. I've written songs about you and I have never and I mean NEVER been that inspired over any girl I've had to get over. How badly I wanted you to come through that door and hold me and tell me you know what I'm going through and felt that same way. Shame on me for ever having loved you so much, that's my biggest tragedy isn't it.
  2. This is an old post now, but I'm curious to know what came of this. Feel free to ask me for help if you still need it.
  3. For the longest time I wanted to forget about you. Because the very thought of you made me sick to my knees. It wasn't that I didn't love you nor hated you, but for what we lost. I'll never forget it and haven't been able to. I've been dead inside and it didn't matter to me you found yourself someone new, what affected me was how little this all bothered you. It inspired me to write a song and for the first time too. I tore my skin up with ink, to serve as a permanent reminder of where I came from. Imagine of all days it was on your birthday, I think God had a play. I suppose I am still wondering, how did you make it all go away?
  4. No amount of me will forget what's happened and I struggle with it every day. I try forgetting, I do. Even the tiniest shred of me hopes I would have seen some sign you're a human being who understands what I am saying, hoping that you'd know my pain and what I've gone through. It bothers me to think you had so little faith in me, so little desire to be with me that the relief of it all actually had you laughing at me. Looking so hard for an escape, I thought we were more than that. I don't expect any of this to matter now and I know I am merely pestering. It's a shame I miss you after all we've been through and I know you don't feel the same. I guess, I don't get how you were able to forget so easily.
  5. I know I can't hate you, but it's as close as I'm going to get because you took our dream away.
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