Day 4
I spent some of today feeling sad because of the same question 'what if she's with someone else'? IT's all because she's a b**** and had to go out of her way to 'be fair to me' and mention she's flirting with another guy, while we're trying to repair our friendship.
4 days in (again) I feel like I'm running myself in circles. I know I'm addicted to her because I spent hours with friends tonight and found my phone in my hand about 6 times wanting to text her. Each time I would text another friend just to see whats up, or would strike up a conversation and put my phone away.
However, tonight found me in my fantasy setting for my home. I was in a dark, dimly lit back yard with a lit pool light that reflected off of a stone wall, looking over a dark, empty street. It was perfect in my eyes, and I wanted nothing more than a girl of my own to cuddle with and share it with. It was so perfect that I couldn't bring myself to swim and enjoy myself like I should have, because I wanted to connect... personally.... with anyone... so badly. Of course, I was thinking about her the whole time, but in a detached kind of way. If there were other females in my life that I could hang out with and/or flirt with, I would probably forget all about my ex.
I did get invited to a friends' friends' 21st birthday next month. I sent a pic, and one of my friends's friends' is going to 'play matchmaker' and talk me up. Hopefully, I can flirt with some girls that night. At the very least, this will be an opportunity to make new female friends to hang out with and I can distract myself with new interests.