Preface: My bf of nearly two years broke up with me due to various reasons, one being our personality differences...but more importantly, our constant fighting, which was largely due to my issues with anxiety/inability to control my emotions and impulses. He was so patient and kind, but even nice guys have their limits. I drove him away, and it's awful. This poem represents my inner turmoil. My tears are the ink for my emotional pen.
I think I’ll stay in bed today,
And hide beneath my quilt
Can’t force a smile
Or fake denial
No, today…I sleep with guilt.
I think I’ll cry alone today,
And let each tear drop stain
The pillow that sinks into my face
Salty shots of self-disgrace
Today, I taste my shame.
I think I’ll wear your shirt today,
Drench my skin with your sweet scent
And just like a martyred masochist
I’ll torture myself, and reminisce…
Today, I wear lament.
I think I’ll drink cheap wine tonight
Until my heart numbs, forgets,
The taste of your lips
On the small of my hips
Today, I kiss regret.
I almost saw the sun today,
Almost, and yet, not quite,
He peaked and peered,
Then disappeared,
And sank into the night.
I almost laughed aloud today
The sound felt faint, and weak,
But that smile, while brief,
Soaked up the grief
That saturates my sorrowed cheeks
I think I’ll try to wake today
But sun, I feel so weak…
“My dearest friend,
Come take my hand,
And as we rise,
You’ll understand
The strength you’ve been
So desperate to find
Already dwells within your mind
Time moves slow
But, it’s on your side
Each day will bring
More hope, new light
Don’t suffer in silent solitude
Turn to friends for fortitude
They’ll remind your
Heart just how to laugh
And with time,
You’ll learn to grasp
The wisdom tucked beneath the blue
With sadness, with tears
Comes focus and view
Next time your heart feels
Punched to death
Take deep breaths,
And close your eyes…
You’re stronger than you realize.
