I am not really sure how to start this, I don't talk about it much. When I was 9 years old I was come onto, and had sexual relations with another male who was my friend and 14 years old at the time. As far as I can remember this occurred numerous times over a period of maybe 6 months or so and often took place during sleep overs or parents gone to work during summer and involved everything but anal sex. This was my first sexual experience and while I took part in it all i felt deep seeded shame when it ended(to this day I cannot remember why...maybe he moved away???). To this day I have not told my older brothers or mother as I am so ashamed and have actually only told 4 people. This all happened 16 years ago and I still think about it. The problem is, I was 9...I remember what I was doing and I was in control of my actions. He never beat me or forced me at all. I went along with everything. I am not gay now, nor am I concerned that I may be, I just don't know how to feel about this...thing...this dark secret I always hide away: cause I went along with it all.
Thanx for your time
