musicchicus

I respect your point of view. But I think you misunderstand the concept... Discovering your sexuality, whether gay or straight, are EXACTLY the same...you just are! Its not a decision you make!! Did you wake up one day and say..."hey, I think I'll be heterosexual rather than gay, there's a good idea..." - of course not! TRUST ME...I have NEVER known ANY person who woke up one day and was like..."hmm, I think I'll be gay today...granted people will alienate me and people will make fun of me...and oh, yeah, maybe if I'm lucky some stupid drunk guys will jump me and beat me some night when I'm walking home because I'm wearing a rainbow...yeah, that sounds good"!!! Can you blame this person for having insecurities? They have grown up with you and your kind telling them that they are wrong and bad and they are just "confused". Please!! They guy said he's "100% gay" where is the confusion in that???? Yes, being gay and being straight are very different...and coming to the realization is very different, I agree with that. But that's because of the stigma attached to being gay, not the reality of being gay itself! ...try this one on... What if being Male was stigmatized? What if you woke up one day and surprise, you were a guy (this sudden realization rarely happens, but remember children often don't become aware of their sexuality until later...). But being male is seen as one of the worst things you could ever be!!! So, now you have to make a choice...either be who you are and love yourself, penis and all, or dress like a girl, hide your manliness, etc. I know this is sort of far-fetched and weird, but the concept is the same! There are lots of people who try to AVOID admitting their homosexuality - because of the stigma. They hid it from their friends, their family and often try to ignore it themselves...these people often go so far as to marry and have children...but many times those marriages and families are doomed because eventually, those people grow up and learn to ACCEPT themselves and realize that being gay is NOT in fact the worst thing they could be...they could be unhappy instead and that is worse. Oh...and I hate to break it to you...but "Most people are strait" is NOT true. Heterosexuality is most accepted and thereforeeee most obvious...but there are A LOT more homosexuals out there than you might be willing to admit to yourself. Saying that is like saying that "most people are white"...perhaps in your splice of America. But I suggest you go visit China or Japan and Africa or hey, closer to home...Puerto Rico, the Bronx, Harlem, etc., etc. "Most people" is relative...try getting out there and meeting some folks who are not exactly what you are and you will be SURPRISED at how grand and exciting the world is!

Excuse me...but, "do something about it?" What exactly is he/she supposed to do? Snap his/her fingers, pray to God (hah!), force him/herself to go out with the opposite sex to 'be sure"? Come on! Let me suggest something to you...are you sure your heterosexual? Maybe you should go out with someone of the same sex "just to be sure". Exactly, yick!!! Is being Gay normal? Well, depends who you're talking too... If your talking with a bunch of bible thumpers, no...if you're talking to someone openminded and accepting that the good Lord has created us all differently and respects those differences, then yes. My point? "Gay" being normal is an "eye of the beholder" thing. The REAL question is "Is Gay natural?" And, yes, I can assure you that being gay is very natural and very 'normal'. Is it a gene? Is it a malformation of the brain? No one really knows, and who quite frankly cares? It is WHO you are. And how wonderful and perfect you are...gay and all. Accept who you are and be proud of it (I'm not suggesting being out or outspoken, unless this is WHO you are and what you need to be). JUST BE YOURSELF. And if youself is gay, be happy to be blessed enough to be part of that group of wonderful people!!! Educate yourself, learn about yourself and love yourself!!!

Thanks for the response no... I don't think he is actually a CP. He was never much of a winer and diner... And, more importantly, he was with his wife for 12 years total. And when that ended, he was with another women for 2 years and loved her completely. I think I understand the cave thing...I guess I do this too sometimes. But what I can't figure out is if this guy actually has feelings for me or if I am just kidding myself and should just stop trying to maintain contact. If he truly does care for me, won't he come around eventually? But if he really doesn't love me at all, then I need to just get over him... How does one know?

So, my on again, off again relationship and I had a discussion - once again - the other day. He said, again that we are not going to have a future together. That I am his "best friend", but that we can not be together. ...And then several sentences later, he tells me AGAIN that he cares so much about me and that he doesn't want to lose me. He says AGAIN that he can't stand the idea of my having physical connections with anyone else...so I ask why he is letting me go...and he says "I can't think about it" - what the heck does that mean? One breathe is "we are just friends. We are never going to be more..." and "you need to let me go, I want to see other women..." and the next is "I care so much about you, don't want to lose you...yada, yada...don't have sex with anyone else..." Now, a little bit of background - he is divorced (not from me) and getting over a long term relationship (again, not me) and has admitted that he needs time to play the field and get to know others and too see if what he wants (I think there is some pressure from his friends, but can't confirm this, but whenever we have a discussion about it, he usually realizes what he is missing). I can't stand the idea of him being with others, but have basically told him again and again that if he needs to do that...then he should. BUT HE HASN"T!!! What is going on with him? Guys? What is he thinking? Does he really care or is he just paying lip service (I can usually tell when he is being sincere and seems to be) or is he truly wanting to screw around? Anything I can do about this or is letting him the right thing...will he come back? Should I persue the "just friends" relationship in the hopes that he will? Arrgghhhh, help!!!

The thing about a "bang"...to a female its sex, its making love, its something to make the relationship better. To MEN, its...well, just a bang!!! Don't use sex to make the relationship something its not. Yes, it might bring him closer or bring him back for a while...hey, he's a guy. But what isn't there is never going to appear because you had sex with him.

ADVICE IS WHAT YOU ASK FOR WHEN YOU ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER AND JUST DON'T LIKE IT...

Hey Z, I've been working this breakup thing for quite a while now (my bf of 9 months and I have been on and off since day one)...and YOU ARE DOING A FABULOUS JOB!!! Keep her missing you, keep her wondering what is so exciting and fun in your life that you need and want to go do something other than be with her, keep her thinking that perhaps she may have made a mistake... And although, I would normally say DON"T CALL AT ALL...I think this particular situation was OK because it was her B-day...you showed you still cared and thought of her, but then you also moved on quickly, leaving her to think about you the rest of the night. Keep up the good work! She just may be back before you know it!

Well, every woman is different, as is every guy. Sounds like you have done the dinner out, gifts, thing... How about doing something more personal this year? How about preparing a private bubble bath for the two of you? Or arranging for a masseuse to come into your/her home and give you either massages and or lessons on private massage...or you could just buy a good book on this and see where it goes. Make her dinner, something easy, but romantic for afterwards (read this as skip the roast chicken and bournaisse sauce and think smaller, something that could be eaten in bed). Just my two cents...

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT...YOU NEED A WOMEN'S POINT OF VIEW HERE...What is this driver harder, deeper crap? Please!!! An orgasm - is defined as that point in sexual intercourse where the vaginal muscles and the uterine muscles contract and undulate (make waves, kinda) and that is accompanied by the feeling of ectasy. I am sure you have felt one of your own and thereforeeeee know this feeling...its the same thing for a woman, its just inside our vaginal areas, not in our penis'. Got it? The major difference in my experience is that when a man orgasms, he is generally exhausted, spent and worn out. Women, on the other hand, are given a jolt of energy from this experience...why this is, I don't know. But that is how it is. Now, what should you do when a girl tells you she feels an orgasm coming on? Well, harder, deeper, etc. is not it. The KEY to a woman's orgasm (and I speak entirely out of my own experience and discussions here, it may be different for others) is this...consistency!! If a girl says, oh that feels good I think I'm going to come....DON'T STOP! Just keep doing whatever you are doing - you are apparently doing it right!!! DO NOT make it harder or deeper...unless she asks for that! If she seems shy and not the type to ask...ASK HER! Just ask is this oK, should I go harder, faster, or just say is this working, whatever. Generally, faster is usually good...just like you all like it a bit faster as you are climaxing...but w/in reason. AND, I GUARANTEE YOU...if you pay attention to her body signs, you will know what she wants! If she is laying there yawning, its pretty clear what you doing is not working... But if she is moaning chances are she wants more... You know what I mean? Just be respectful and aware of your partner and she will do the same! And ALWAYS practice SAFETY!!

Friendships are ALWAYS a WONDERFUL basis for a relationship...I mean, you already know you like them and you already know their faults and you accept them! The difficult part is putting your friendship on the line for the possibility of a relationship. If the friend you are considering has not made any kind of indication that he/she may also be interested in you that way...you want to think long and hard about the damage that you may do if in fact they don't. On the other hand, they may...in which case, the two of you need to figure out a way to express this and move forward. BUT, remember, regardless of where the relatiionship goes, or doesn't, ALWAYS be respectful of the friendship. Always remember that BEFORE the relationship, you like this person for just who they were... Good luck!

Well...what have you done with those girls that you just sort of fell into being g/f b/f with? Same thing, difference is that you put your ego on the line and they said yes! Call them, hang out with them, be their friends. If and when the time is right, kiss or whatever else. But most of all, stop worrying about it...no better way to ruin a possible relationship then stressing about it and making it into something its not. Just enjoy yourself!!! Isn't love grand?

Hey Mohammad, What do you mean you "can't fall in love"? Do you mean that you have dated partners and found them attractive and really liked them and all, but just didn't feel that love connection? Or do you mean that you haven't had the opportunity to date wonderful people and have a good time getting to know them...and thereforeeeee have the opportunity to love them? These are two VERY different things!!!

definitely neither of those! Have spoken to him...but get these conflicting responses. Thats why I'm asking for help!

Hey all, would love to hear a guys point of view, but willing to listen to any... What do you make of a guy who says... I love you, but I'm not in love with you...in one breathe. And, I love you more than you know...in another. Who says... we are not compatible. You don't give me butterflies..in one breathe. And, that outfit totally gave me butterflies. You look totally amazing...in another. Who says... I don't feel that way about you...in one breathe. And, admits in the next that he has driven by your house every night for two weeks and noticed whether you were home or not. Who says... I don't want to be serious. I think we should see other people...in one breathe. And, gets jealous and upset when you mention that you have been involved with other men in another. Who says... I need to go out and meet new people. To find out what I like and need and want...in one breathe. And, then calls you every night for a week and wants to spend time with you. Wants you to sleep over...regardless of whether you have sex. Whats going on with this guy???

Doesn't sound like it....but this might help: link removed