lostandhurt

I agree, what good will come from meeting one on one? Nothing but grief for you and stress for your fiance. This sounds like more of the same from your ex, her way or the highway. Just tell her if she wants to meet for lunch just the 3 of you it would be nice but you see no good reason for a one on one meeting. Make this a statement, no a question or compromise. Then leave it. After all she cannot force anyone to meet her one on one. If she brings it up again simply ignore it. In time your boy will bond with you more and more so stay on the high road, be honest with him and he will see who you really are despite what his mother may say or do. Lost

Step back and let her come to you. If she does don't think the friendship will be like the old days because it clearly isn't. Things change, people grow and evolve and relationships/friendships need to as well. Interestingly enough something similar happened to me. Good friend almost like a brother and we hung out all the time. Then we lived in the same place and hardly hung out like before. Counter intuitive isn't it? Lost

Home was wrecked long before you came along. Let it go but learn from this. Look at yourself when you started dating. Did you have all your stuff worked out and healed from the last relationship? Was your ex for sure out of your life? Since they never truly left each other it was never real to either of them was it? Try and date men that have finished with their past before trying to start a future with them. Tough spot but you did the right thing. Lost

You did what you felt was right and were extremely polite about it all so if you feel better for ending it this way then that is what you should do. As a guy I can tell you this: He treated you really well at first but his comment about not being ready for a commitment meant he wanted at best a friends with benefits thing and at worst a hook up. Next time if a guy tells you that and you want a commitment no mater how cute they are, how nice they are or how many flowers they bring you cut them loose right then and there. Many women hear that and think "He just needs to get to know me and he will fall for me and want what I want" My best advice is to believe what he says and don't try and twist it into what you want to happen. When your friends that fixed you up ask what happened, take the high road and just tell them you wanted different things and leave it at that. After all it is the truth. Lost

You are way stronger than you think you are. I can tell because you did an incredibly difficult thing and handled it extremely well. Good on you! This is a good thing and you actually did him a huge favor by breaking up with him. He can now release the guilt of lying to you and having to hide his other lifestyle. He has some self discovery to do for sure but so do you. Like you said you got together as teenagers and now you are a young adult. Neither of you are who you were when you started dating. Stay single, figure out who you are as a single young woman and really forge your own path without accommodating someone else in your life. Then when you are centered and feel good about your life you can start thinking about adding someone to it. Take time to care for yourself and see just what you are made of all on your own. I think you will like the adventure ahead. Best wishes Lost

Look at his first thread. Zero humility, huge ego. Lost

This is why couples counseling is so important. There is no way of avoiding anything sitting in that room talking with a professional. It gets real super fast for both of you. Many times on this site we see someone like you that is in a relationship that is not doing well and then they meet someone and a spark is ignited. Is it real or is it just you have been starved for that feeling for so long? Then they decide they never really loved their partner or some other justification for what they are doing. Like I said the first lie a cheater tells is to themselves. Put in the effort with an open mind. It may only last 3 or 4 sessions before you both realize the marriage is over or if it is worth saving but at least you BOTH will be involved in the discussion. Every time you pick up your kid for your visitation and then drop them off again you can at least look them in the eye and know you tried your best before you broke the family apart. You might see it as a waste of time but if your wife sees what you see in counseling then the chances of a non adversarial divorce are a lot higher. She gets blindsided and who knows how this could go... Lost

These are your words right from your very first thread on here. "even though I'm the perfect guy with very good qualities. Girls should desire me and want me. I am the epitome of perfection! I am absolutely fabulous yet somehow, I still find myself on the sidelines while other guys who are not as good as me have more girls and are doing very well in the dating world." The common denominator in all this is YOU. It doesn't matter if it is in real life of on a dating app. You are still the center of this situation and having this grandiose vision of yourself is not attractive. You might think it doesn't show but it does. So what you have been doing hasn't been working for you. Instead of blaming women and the apps how about you take a step back and take a good hard look at yourself and see what you see. Yes women have options and they do not owe you or anyone else a chance if they are not attracted to you. How many women have you talked to or met for a drink that you are not attracted to? I would guess zero. The good news in all this is you can change and grow as a person and become more attractive. There are so many of us that know some guy that is less than attractive but has a great personality and is funny and they seem to be with attractive women a lot. Women can sense things in men and if a guy is putting off the kind of vibes you are then they will take a pass most of the time. Get off the apps, get into some self discovery and STOP blaming others for your failures. This is the only way to succeed. Ask the lovely ladies here what they want most in a man and see what they say. This is fixable but you have to work hard on it. Lost

I am sure some of you are curious as to how it is going so here is an update: Spring has sprung so I have been super busy on the property, you tube channel and yes seeing her. I have seen her a 3 times since I last posted. The other night we were cooking dinner together and I brought up why she asked me (in a text) if I was losing interest in her. Like all of us she can be insecure and not sure exactly how this is going which seems to be where the question came from. It lead me to bring up some questions I had for her. I let her know I see this getting serious but I did have some concerns so we talked and got it all out in the open. My concerns were her passion towards me as it seemed very subdued. Others were stemming from comments she has made about intimacy and the like. Basically she wants to be in love with me before she can truly let go and show that type of passion. This is all new to me as I am used to having women all over me fairly early on and I do really like that she is holding to her convictions. I don't feel like this is wrong or not a good thing, it is just new to me. Our communication is the best I have ever had in my entire life which is so nice and I am unafraid to bring up anything and talk about it and neither is she it seems. I can feel myself falling for her and she has told me she is falling for me. It feels good and my heart is open. Lost

Did you ever love your wife? Were you ever In Love with her? If so why can't you try and regain that BEFORE throwing it all away? Yes it may seem impossible right now but that is because it took a while to get where you are and yet you have put virtually no effort into getting back there. Let me be perfectly frank with you. You owe it to your vows and your daughter to at least try and by try I mean paying a professional couples counselor that knows what they are doing to help you both figure out how you got here and if you can find your way back. When you are divorced, lost most of your stuff, paying child support and alimony for a long time and are alone struggling to go day to day the one thing you can look back on is that you tried your best to save the marriage. If you don't the question will always hang over your head. If you both try and save what was once built on hopes and dreams full of love and it cannot be saved then you both can divorce knowing you tried and then neither is the bad guy and you can face your daughter and each other knowing divorce was the right choice made together. As far as this other woman is concerned. Cheating is a choice made by selfish people. You state it could happen again because of the state of your marriage but that is a lie. Cheaters lie all the time and the first lie they ever tell is to themselves. You cheated but it was not due to the state of your marriage, you cheated because you are selfish and only thought of yourself but you lie to yourself to make what you are doing less of a bad thing. Own it and while in therapy figure out why you so easily betrayed your wife, daughter and your character. You cheated because you chose to just like you can choose not to cheat. It is all on you either way and nobody else. Keep posting it will help and do a search on here and do some reading. Your story is pretty common so you might glean some insight into your future by reading others threads. Good luck Lost

Thank you I would say I have got this more now than any other time in my life. If we could all be as wise as we are now when we were youngsters... Lost

A quick update: I met her daughter and son in law briefly and it seems I got a passing grade which I knew the daughters approval was important. I didn't kiss her butt or anything I was just me like I always am. We ran an errand together, got some dinner and then went for a walk in a very large park nearby. As we sat and watched the sunset we talked and talked like we do so easily. Back at her place cuddling I did ask "I assume you hid your profile(s)?" To which she grabbed her phone to show me she had deleted every single app even as I protested that she didn't have to show me as her word was good enough. In my gut I knew she had. Her walls are coming down as she can see and feel the connection between us growing. She made a statement or it was a question "I am sure most of the women you have dated you would have had sex by the second of third date right?, but I am not like that" I acknowledged that she is correct then kissed her softly and told her "I like that you aren't like those other women" I feel really good about how things are going. Lost PS I cannot stress enough how nice it is that you all are worried I might get hurt and are looking out for me. I do really appreciate it and I don't view it as you being negative towards my situation. I am a big boy and can take the hit. Remember my wife of 20 years cheated on me and went sideways leaving me to care for our disabled son all those years ago. I came out of all that stronger and wiser in many ways thanks to this forum.

I totally agree. There are jerks out there, users, people using dating apps as a form of entertainment, scammers, players, gold diggers, narcissists and on and on BUT there are also really good people out there searching for that someone special. It is wonderful that you met your bf and are happy. If you were to only watch the news to form your view of the human race it isn't hard to think the world is 90% horrible people but there are way more good people out there than bad. Lost

No you are not but I have been down this path more than a few times. I was auctioned off as a Bachelor 2 years in a row and met tons of women while doing that. I have done OLD several times, met women in real life and been on countless fix up blind dates. I know exactly what I am looking for and only agree to meet someone that I see potential in. In a nutshell I have a pretty good picker. I am not most men. If you have read anything I add to threads on this forum you can probably see that. I have been single for 9 years with lots of dates and lots of time between just me living my life hoping to meet someone IRL. OLD is not therapy for me, it is not a way to hook up or use anyone. I am really good emotionally, physically and financially and want to share my life with someone special. I have mentioned earlier I am not afraid of being hurt as I know it will not destroy me. I am strong and confident and trust my instincts. If this doesn't work out it will be disappointing but my life will go on as it was before we met. I have a very full life and I do thank you for looking out for me but I like being smitten with her and I like that she is smitten with me. Being unafraid of taking a leap of faith in someone is not a weakness in my mind, it is one of my strengths. Having a good picker helps 😉 Lost

She has commented several times how safe she feels with me. Of course she is comparing me to several other guys she had met previous to me that wanted only one thing and kept pushing for it so the bar wasn't too high. I know everyone is different and have unique needs before that wall comes down. I am content and happy as things move forward at a pace she is comfortable with. Lost