molluscum_fibrosum

you seem like such a sweet, sensitive person, i think i know quite a few people like you. you are really sensitive person, who sees the bads things in life, who sees people suffering and knows they can do little to alleviate the situation over-all. i dont know if i can help you, but you can PM me anytime you want i offer you know false words of hope, but if you need to talk,im here.

sorry,didnt mean to sound so harsh,thats just how i think. i agree with you there, in this kinda situation the only sloution is to get out of yourself, and go to someone else.

.......punished angel, i think you are knida missing the point a little, see the thing is, you say people are failing the tests and challenges god has placed in their lives? they know that, and they dont see why they should have to go through the drudgery everyday of trying. for some people its too much, everytime they get out of bed they feel its a challenge, they look for reasons to do these things, and if they cant find them, well thats it. they feel they have failed,and thusly, what is the point? these people see themselves as cowards, thats the way they are, they are tired of being the ones who are scared, and the ones who seem to have to work so damn hard for nothing. the fact that kari has posted though, means she is still looking for some reason to stay alive. all i can say is, we are here, its the way it is, whatever happens, happens.

To start, i made my original post, because i was curious. You know those thoughts that swirl around in your head constantly, to the extent that they are quite normal to you but a little unhinging to others? Yeah well i was wondering if i was alone in my thinking, apparently on ths board i am. And i do agree with crookster_man, i know my thoughts are my own, im just happy to indulge them (sorry if im contadicting myself, im weird that way, but i still maintain my original sentiment). I know i am a weak person, lacking in character etc., i did not intend to be a nihilist, its just introspectively i seem to have a lot of nihilistic qualities. I am content with my way of thinking, and i see no problem with anything i have said here. I have offered my view on life, and i still can't quite grasp why so many people are hung up on living long lives. It's not a major problem for me, but i would have liked if someone actually had some reasons why im apparently so flawed in my perception of the world. I am just one person, i can only know whats it like to be me. By nature i am submissive, i learned long ago, that we can nevr truly own anything, possessions are fleeting etc., and in the long run you must accept this, that your thoughts are not your own, ie. out of all the billions of people who have lived on this earth, the odds of someone stringing some words together and forming a completely original thought are minimal, if possible at all. I think the reason why a lot of people most messages on boards like these is because they wish to discuss subjects in an open and honest fashion with people who will not inflict any kinds of false sympathies on them, and will just say what is needed to be said. It appears to me, that everyone who has replied to my post, appears to be quite intelligent, i applaud you all! And on this note i must plead with you to pay me no more mind, as i am SURE that there are many people or problems that deperately require the attentions of individuals like yourselves Thank you and goodnight.

Thank you everyone, for your replies and intrest. I would like to reiterate, that i am not depressed, i know people who are depressed, and i'm pretty sure i used to be depressed (no comparison to how i'm doing now), but i don't think anyone actually answered my question. I fear i may have become somewhat of an imbittered nihilist over the years, and i'm sorry bout my pessimstic attitude, but i just can't think any differently. I have tried many of your above suggestions, but i fear it's my way of thinking that has made me the person i am. I don't think there is anything i can/will do to change my future plans, and i hope that none of you will place any unnecessary concern in my person. i think i just posted that original message for some closure, and maybe because i was lonely, who can tell? Anyway thanks a lot everyone.(Y'all have been more than courteous to me, you really are a nice bunch)

thank you for your input, you certainly are an exceptional person(ha, see what i did there!) but i tain't gonna kill myself too soon, i have a cunning plan(i appear to be feeling better) anyways, ive already startd with the preparations, ive already cut off communications with some of my friends (people drift apart, it was a slow gradual process) n next year i plan to move out, n probably to another country pretty far away from any of my family, i've always kept to myself, they'll make the transition easily. my mom has enough to worry about, without throwing me into the mix, you know, other siblings etc., and i have read a couple of psychology books in my day,(aparrently im culturally isolated, but what do i know?) your concern and intrest is really touching, but im honestly a lot better than i used to be.

i used to really believe that, i was completely super religious, did all the decades of the rosary couple times a day type thing, and that was a big reason why i didn't actually decide to go through with it, you know, god put me here, and god will take me away when im supposed to die, but i got to thinking about the whole third world thing, n' bout how many thousands of helpless children die in agony from starvation or disease, n i thought, surely at least one these children has more talent or potential than me, out of all those thousands, its impossible that i should live such a comfortable life, while they're in such pain. i know that whole reasoning seems glib, but i was a lot younger then, i'm doing a lot better than i was, and im pretty sure i know what im letting myself in for. (i know religions not all about hail marys n' stuff, at one point, i was just so into it i found purpose in saying 'our fathers' n' stuff)

i think my point was, why do some people have to solve there problems? surely the world would be better off, without some of the organisms walking round in the guise of humans. i've pretty much tried all you suggested, don't think my friends and family know i'm like this, to them i try to appear like a happy peerson, from past comments, i feel i have succeeded in this.it's just pretending to be happy all the time is so soul-crushingly tiring, physically.i can't keep up the pretence, and when i let it down i take out anger n she-At on them, im tired of doing that. i'd rather neither them nor i feel like that. (thanks for replying, you really are an exceptional person) (sorry so much of the above sounds weird n creepy, maybe im just reading too many weird books)

yeah, can't say i ever actually wanted to be alive, no particular reason, i'd just rather be dead, (really i wish i hadn't been born, but that's a little trickier to accomplish) anywho, i don't understand the problem so many people have with suicide.i mean i understand that someone would obviously miss a loved one if they died, but yoou should try to understand, that that's what that person wanted/needed.that person may feel they are a particularily selfish,ignorant,negative,unpleasant,etc. person, and don't want to be the one who's slowly but surely destroys not only themself, but the lifes of everyone they care about through their negativity etc. i think when you're dead thats it, and whats wrong with that, if you're dead, you won't miss anyone, or be filled with any kind of regret,anger etc. we all die, whether by ingesting a large amount of toxin in one go, or by slowly poisoning ourselves over many years. i do not want pity/sympathy, save that for people who deserve it, i'm just wondering if i missed something.