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  1. Hi SwingFox, I do look after myself as such I have moved on. Is she possibly trying to keep me at a distance untll she has had enough of what she is doing - is this what you mean by walking on eggshells later on? She stills sees my sister once a month and is god mother of my niece which she agreed to be after we split. In public when I bump into her she treats me like a piece of rubbish and then in private the few times we have talked once in the last 3 months she is fine with me
  2. I had a wonderful relationship with this girl for 3 years. We were about to buy a house why I might add was something that SHE always wanted. 2 days before we were to sign all the paper work, she broke it off saying that she needed a bit of space. This really hurt me so much I just freaked out and in my infinite wisdom blamed myself for everything. I did this in front of her, I brought up stuff from the past which we had both forgotten etc etc. I only did this to find out what i had done wrong so I could improve myself and try and be a better person. The trouble is because I blamed myself and didnt keep any dignity she took this the wrong way. Now she totally exgerates what I have done, she makes me out to be such an arsehole to everyone. She knows deep down inside her heart that she is probably being a bit to hard on me. She put such a big front up I dont think she has even cryed and its been 6 months now. For some reason she seems to justify her actions to me and nobody can see why. She acts as if I never ever meant anything to her and i am actually starting to believe that this front has become part of her normal life now. I know she is still single and hasnt dated since we left and I know that she also used to think the world of me like she has for no other Everytime I try to sort something out she comes up with another reason as to why we broke up. She has got new friends now and I think they actually encourage her. She used to be such a wonderful person, down to earth, caring loving. and now sinse she left she has got her head so far up her own arse and I know that is how I know her new friends act all the time they all love themselves. She has turned to.......whats the word............shallow. I know I pushed her away and if I had of kept some self respect then I wouldnt probably here writing this I would be sat with her. But everytime I try and talk to her she just says you didnt leave me alone, she cant seem to understyand the fact that I loved her so much. I really love this girl, I have been out with other girls since but I know where my heart belongs. I dont sit around dreaming of would could have been etc. I just want to start again but whenever we bump into each other we end up at each others throats. At first she said she had been feeling for a month the more i pushed her away it went to 2months to 6 to 1yr. I know she is only trying to protect her feelings but does she have to act the cold ##### all the time, cant she just give me some respect. At the moment it comes accross to me that when ever I do anything she immediately thinks I am only like it to get her back and then things would go back to how they were, Is she still going through a stage. Little things like I used to sometimes take the micky out of some of the music she listened to (I qwas only messing around). And now things have gone full circle and I am listening to it myself. But she takes this as I am only backtracking on what I said. She thinks everthing i do is to get back together with her. why is she flattering herself so much I cant win. please help I know that somewhere inside her she loves me, I have seen it a few times and she knows that I have seen it she suddenly goes back to hard ##### mode again. Do I need to give her more time and just carry on how i am and let fate maybe bring us back together I wish someone would just talk to her, say to her that she is maybe being a bit to hard on me. It is not just me that thinks that but her own family, my family mutual friends. She seems to trun away from her responcabilities and is acting like a carefree teenager at the moment is this just a normal reaction and will it settle down I do know that she is very stuborn and I think a big part of this on her part is not wanting to lose face in front of her new friends. Advice would be grateful
  3. I know I have got to start again with her, but the thing is no matter what I do she wont listen, she comes up with excuse and then blames them on me. She knows I have sorted myself out but the more I do the more she puts me down again. She is exagerating my problems massivesly. All this while she goes off partying with her girl friends. Living it up. I just think she was maybe bored we did stop doing things and our lives revolved around watching TV together. I just cant understand her she has gone from a wonderful woman to this little teenager who doesnt seem to care about anything. I think I flogged myself in front of her and it is as if now she thinks she has done nothing wrong and the people she goes about with at the moment dont exactly tell her different. All I tred to be was a better person and the more I tried the more she kicked me backdown CAn I get her respect Back
  4. I split up with my ex 6 months ago because i became too clingy and was always in her face not giving her time to herself until she exploded. I was like this because I was taking cocaine at the time and so was she and it made extremely paranoid. the drugs arent a big issue here they were the cause. I then made matters worse by being the same after she walked out the door. since then i am no longer on drugs and I am no longer clingy. How can i work things out. We were together for 3 yrs and these problems only came about in the last couple of months. Any Idea how to show her that thngs would be different. How can you recover a smothering relationship. I have already given time and space which i didnt at first. We have been apart now for 6months. I did take it badly when she went and lost my emotional stability and i scared her but i am OK now but she still thinks I will lash out at her with my emotions crying begging making her feel guilty although not intentionally.
  5. Yes she was using cocaine and dope when we were together up until two months before wwe split, I would like to add that i was never particulary horrible to her, It was like having an affair but not with a woman. I was never taking cocaine heavilly. and at the most I would spend £50 a fortnight. When I say she asked me to clean up my act. I meant that she never sat down with me when i was sober and tell me her fears and worries. Maybe I wasnt approachable at the time. I personnally think that she is scared that if we were to give it another go she would be to scared that it would happen again and her heart and mine wouldnt be able to take it. How can i reassure that stage of my life is over, I have grown up and wisened up. and I am never going back to drugs for the simple reason that it completely and uterlly f**ked up my life and the pain i have been through and pain it has caused my family, her family and everyone I know. I went from being suicidal to where I am now, which is twice the man she met in the first place. Somewhere in my heart I know that if we can talk we might be able to work things out. Sometimes i get the feeling that she does love me but by pretending to hate me it makes it easier for her, I just need to take her blinkers off. There must be something special there if she wanted to buy a house with me and it was her that wanted it. The trouble is no one has actually made her feel bad about what happened because it takes two to tango and for all my faults she has just as many and for as many times I hurt her on coke she hurt me another time when she was stoned, but the friends she is with now do it all the time, have joints for breakfast etc. A piece of background info. When I met her she was hanging aroung with these girls called M and E she was dropping pills all the time getting stoned etc. then i met her and we went away from all that for 3 years things were brilliant apart from the when the drugs made us unhappy. And then she changed to another part of her company and guess who showed up M and E. I know for a fact that she is hanging around with M especially and that she is probably a bad influence and has introduced her back into the old crowd. I know technically i am no better than them, but to be honest thay are scum of the earth, most of them are drug addicts and most of them have problems at home due to there own behaviour or they live in squats. I might have had my moment but it was just a stage I have a very good job a brand new car and a wonderful loving family.
  6. Me and my X of 3 years split up about 5 1/2 months ago. I got involved with cocaine not really badly though and it ended up with that stuff making me depressed. She left without giving me a chance to sort myself and never even threatened me that she would walk out and was adament that she could never go back to how it was and that she would not come back to me. I havent touched coke since she walked out and i have in my view and many of my friends and family become twice the man the she walked out on, I have improved myself in ways which definetly make me a better person. I did push her away at the start but it was only because i wanted to ask her what else i had done wrong and she didnt want to talk she just expected me to just dissappear. I was never that bad and she is totally exgerating my part in the breakdown and she is so self riteous at the moment. i have given her space now and i have changed how can i try and talk to her and work things out when even though she knows i have sorted myself and that i can make her happy out she wont accept it how can i explain to her that i have changed without pressuring her. She got cold feet and then ran away how can I get her back to the new me, all i ask of her is to try and get to know me again this time without the drugs and not only give me a chance to start again but herself. If it helps i think i scared her and now i want to show her that everything is ok. We split 2 days from buying our first house and up until the day we split we were so in love with each other. a week later i am thwe worst person in the world. She is smoking a lot of dope at the moment and has met a guy who is ONLY a friend I know that for sure. But i think he smokes it as well and since she met him she has let herself go and her attitude towards me and been terrible, could this be because she is jealous that i sorted myself out and she is going downhill. She is very stuborn and would rather suffer for the rest of her life than accept that she was wrong to give up on me. How can i prompt her and get her to throw away her foolish pride. Is there away to reverse the damage i caused by my begging and pleading. I said some pretty nasty stuff to her in anger which i didnt mean and she knows that. But she said just as many hurtful full things too which I hope she didnt mean but when she said them i acted all weak and begged etc etc. I was depressed like mad almost suicidal and it just made her worse. Also she asked me to give up drugs and so now when i have she says that she never asked me to, even though it was the one thing she wanted me to do. I dont deserve to be treated like how she is treating me and yet i still lover the memory of her and really want to work things out and let bygones be bygones and start with a clean sheet. Sometimes i think she enjoys seeing me suffer and for what reason, and for all the times i hurt her with the coke she hurt me with her dope. It is as if someone is controling her thoughts and actions and pushing her away from me and she is believing them even though she has repected my opinion as her best friend for so long what i say or think counts for nothing. After all this she stills sees my sister and niece once a month and cuts our my friends hair, it is ok for her to get in my life but as soon as i approch one of her friends it is as if she has told them not to talk to me I was the best boyfriend she has ever had and she even told me she would have to look a long wayto find someone better. My parents love her and i am loved like a son by hers. It is as if I never existed! even though we had a wonderful relationship and the most hurtful thing is that she knows it. I have moved on and i am dating other women but I cant change where my heart belongs. Coyuld she still be going through a angry stage and blaming me for everything wrong in her life. What can I say to her?
  7. Hi Travsjeep I am in a rush all I can say right now is that you are in the same position as me, Cant post now just saw yours while passing. Advice coming soon!
  8. My two Pennys Worth One thing I have learnt is the more you try and force it to be the less it will be. My X even said to me "the more you try the quicker you fail, just go with the flow". And make sure you do all the things and change in all the ways she said you couldnt. You have to get your self in a position where she suddenly realise what a great bloke what was I thinking. Because 1. She Ended it so she must come back to you 2. You dont want her back because you forsed her because at the slightest thing she will jump again. As Lone Star said follow your HEART. But you must think with your HEAD.
  9. I loved my girlfriend more than anything (apart from myself ). We had awonderful relationship until I started using cocaine, the cocaine made me depressed and what happened to us was similar to you, issues on the back burner etc, the only difference was that i became very dependant on her and smothered her. To the point that she just walked out. the depression was caused by the cocaine. And I am no longer taking it which is the one thing she wanted me to do. Unfortunetly when she walked out I was already depressed and her walking out caused me to be even more depressed and I had a nervous breakdown and gave her grief for 2 months. I am better now, But the more i sort out the things that she saw as a problem the more she moves the goal posts while she goes out partying all the time. She is with new friends now and since she has been with them her attitude has completely changed. She now tells me she never wanted me to change and so what if I have (does 3 years and all we had not mean anything to her). I know she is going around smoking a lot of cannabis at the moment and to an outsider it looks like she left me so that she could smoke pot and drop E's. But now she says give me a couple of months to sort myself out and we will talk but she said she cant guarantee anything. The next time I her she tells me its over and thast she has moved on and that I ought to grow up. The next thing I hear is that she is acting like an irresponcible teenager. the next thing i ask her to come out for a drink and she says yes. I dont know if this is any help but one thing dont try and understand her because you will destroy yourself. Time, Patence and Understanding. be there for her but not in her face otherwise she will dangle you forever. Any thoughs on my problem?
  10. I don't know if this helps but exactly the same thing happened to me. I am a 22yr old Bloke and i was with my ex-girlfriend for 3yrs. We always talked and we always worked things out and we didn't have a communication problem until i got mixed up in drugs. Basically my personality changed i became selfish, obsesive, controlling, emotionally messed, paranoid and i went very inward. The comunication broke down and i was so messed up in the head that she just couldn't get anything through to me. When she told me something which wasnt important i would take it to heart and react and when it was something important i just closed up and ignored it. She basically turned round to me 3 monts ago and said i can't cope with this anymore and that she needed some time and space. The day she went i gave up the drugs and i have now sorted myself out and she knows that, unfortunetly for me i pushed her away while i was going through cold turkey but she does realise this now. I am sorry that i havent got any advice to give you, all i can suggest is that you become a listener and swallow your pride, if you have an argument and it isnt particulary important just let her win, let her feel validated and that you respect her opinions. The way i see it now is this yes you might not agree with what she is saying and she doesn't with what your saying but she is entitled to that opinion same as you are to yours, so just drop yours and she will have nothing toi fight against would you rather win the argument or be happy in life and love. Hope this helps and don't put pressure on her and look up reflective listening Head over to the getting back together under breaking up forum you will find many people in similar positions My Posts are Whats wrong with her Shes got me all wrong maybe you can help me
  11. Thanks Brokenheart further to what you say it does make sense but maybe saying too many I this, and I that, I feel that if I say it too much she will think that have you ever thought about what i want. My trouble is because of the coke i stopped accepting who she was and tried to control her. Looking back now it freaks me out thinking about the person i became. But i am back to normal now with my old laid back attitude and confident personality. The trouble is now when i see her she thinks i am putting on an act but its not its the real me. For example when on the coke i critised her choice of music even going as far as taking the piss out of it even though when without her i listened to it. Now when i it have playing in the car and she is with me she thinks i am trying to show her i have changed and thinks i am desperate. Are her nagative feelings blocking her rational thoughts. She tells me that she only thinks of the good times before the drugs if she does then why doesn't she believe me. I know i was off my head for a year and it gradually got worse. Maybe she finds it hard to believe as i am only just starting to understand what happened to me is it too much to ask of her to understand completely. I know i she sacrificed going out with her friends and doing things she wanted so that we could save for the house and the more she saved the more i spent on drugs. I know she is angry with the money and all the hurt but i feel she is finding it differcult to be angry with me because she knows it wasnt me, How long does this hurt and resentment period last is there an average say 6 months or something. Many people have said to me go get her after christmas when your strong again. Many friends and family have said to me she fell in love with you for who you were and i respect the fact i havent been that person for a while, do i need to be that person again. She has gone back to the person she was before i met her is that what i have to do to get her back, please give me somemore advice. is there a way maybe to get her to forgive and forget, please anyone help me
  12. Further to my post Shes got me wrong Things get more complicated the more I look for answers. I try follow my heart which tells me if I give up the coke she will come back but it has been three months now since I last had any and it seem to make her worse. She swears to me that she has moved on she has changed and that she doesnt want me to change. It is as if the best 3yrs of her life never happened How could she just block it off she has admitted to me that she is running away. Will she stop running I know I pressured for two and a half months but I was heavily depressed and one of the reasons we split up was because the coke made me obsessive and depressed and unfortunately it carried on after I gave it up. Why is she treating me so badly She has told me she isnt angry with me then she has an outburst saying do you no how much that stuff messed my life up and then goes onto say she needs to find friends and that she is not strong enough to cope with me at the moment. Is she going through a phase that will settle down and then maybe I can talk to her. But when I look into her eyes they are vacant and cold. We did go on holiday together with my family after we split and when she started enjoying herself when she realised I had noticed she stopped. I did try to talk to her about this and she said that she didnt want me to think that she was enjoying herself with me because she didnt want me to think things are going to be ok. It is almost as if someone is pulling her away from me making me sound worse than I actually am because believe me she will have to search far and wide to find someone as good as me without the drugs and she even told me she knows that. It is almost as if she believes what these people are saying even though she knows its not true. She totally adamant that she wants different things now I try and ask her what these are and she wont answer me. I also told her that I was seeing someone to get my personality on track and all my mates tell her I am off the coke and I have even told my family. And she turns round to me and says to me I am proud of you and week later when we had a row at her work because one of her new friends phoned me up and had a go at me so I went to her work to confront her about this she says she doesnt care in a row and what do you want from me. Two days later she phones up my sister and goes round and tells her that she does care and was worried about me driving home. She then goes on to tell my sister that she knows now it was the coke that drove her away and how it changed me and said that she thought she was strong enough to get me off it on her own and by the time she realised it was to late Too late for what. Does she need more time to see that I am off the coke for good because in the past I have said to her I would give it up and I did for a few months and ended up back on it. How can I show her I mean it for real this time even more than what I have done so far Is there something wrong with her is she just hurt someone please help how can I get her to listen to me because I love this girl and I want to grow old with her. I know things got boring because I was depressed and we stopped doing exciting things and going to different places. But I swear to god that it was all because of the coke and I think she believes me now but doesnt want to know why me How can she love me with all her heart and then just suddenly give me total cold shoulder is this a hormone thing We are both twenty two. Another thing she said to me was that she didnt find me attractive anymore considering I am always being told how good looking I am and that was one of the reasons why she fell in love with me and was so proud to have me with her when she went out with her friends showing me off and now she tells me she doesnt fancy me anymore. Is it because of her this the bloke in her life although he is only a friend and there is nothing intimate going he is twentyeight. Why is she throwing everything away when it is obvious to everybody that she doesnt have to and now its seems she has gone from a girl with her head screwed on having lots of depth with her whole life ahead of her with many great things to being forgetful ignoring responsibility being shallow. I no that her new friends are very immature is she just trying to fit in with them because she has got a very I dont give crap attitude about anything she has crashed her car twice since we split up where as before she hadnt. Please girls is this just a phase you go through when you have been hurt and scared so much and does it settle down. Because I know I shouldnt but I am worried about her as a friend and I care and respect her opinions more than she knows or at the moment pretends not to know. Sorry this is so long I just had to let out some steam I would appreciate as much advice as possible. I cant just drop her I feel that she needs help but is too stubborn and full of pride to ask anyone. It is as if she feels unlovable and I only want to help her.
  13. I am sorry i can't offer any substantial advice all i can say is that i messed up on coke and hurt my girlfriend by changing who i was read my post shes got me wrong. i am now clean and i am sorting my life out and to be honest i wasnt actually that bad i loved her with all my heart and now that we have split up i am starting to feel a real deep love for her. I know that when we were together she felt the same. But does she come running back does she want to see if i have sorted my life out and see if i have changed oh no. We were together 3yrs and were 2days from buying our first home. The moral of the story is that the he treats you with no respect and he has shown he won't or can't change and you still go running back. I treated my girlfriend with a truck loads of respect and trust until the drugs took over my mind, does she come running back No. Its sounds to me that what you have is lust not love.
  14. DONT DO IT. Just stay cool and read what i said again, show her that your just fine with how things are. By doing the bath tub thing all you are doing is putting pressure on her and people dont like pressure. Just play it cool good things come to those who wait. Let her make the first move, let her do something for you, if she doesnt then be cool you have still got three weeks. But if she is expecting you to do something like that then dont do it. Because as i said she might be expecting you to go take things quickly. Only you know what your like and what she expects, but whatever you did before wasnt working so why keep doing it, do the opposite, take her by surprise. As i said make her interested in you put the ball in her court. But whatever you do dont pressure her. I did that but i was messed coming off cocaine read my post .shes got me all wrong please give me some advice. But don't give her all the cards again like i said. NO PRESSURE
  15. I dont know if this helps but i am in a similar position apart from my ex of 3yrs isn't moving away, but she has closed up and is hell bent on doing what the hell she wants, when she wants and if anyone stands in her way goodluck to them, maybe someone will but it cant be me ive learnt that the hard way. Right now she is friendly with this other guy and at the moment nothing is going on he is just someone she talks to. apparently he wants more from her than she is willing to give and is putting pressure on her by telling her how much he loves her. The end of the day he is probably happy and making her feel good about her self by saying the things she wants to hear. And people like happy people. When you first met she didn't fall for you because you miserable and needy she fell for you because you were happy with yourself and happy with life. Maybe she will fall for him, maybe not as far as i am concerned i am not easilly replacable maybe he is the key to getting us back together, who knows. Anyway that is enough of my problems. All i can say is keep playing hard to get like you said you were and keep it going never faulter let her chase you. Because if she comes back to you on her own accord it might just work, but if she comes back because you have begged her she will do the same and treat you like a door mat. Have some self respect, Your relationship didn't break down instantly it took months probably so don't expect your hard work to pay off instantly just have patience and in time she might realise she has made a mistake, but then again maybe she wont OUCH Its sounds like the thing she craves is excitment, she is probably just plain bored, so keep on acting different, let her chase you, excite her. You did before and you can do it again carry on making her do the thinking but don't after one week go back to begging saying to her look i've changed or have you reconcidered because if she has reconcidered believe me she will tell you by actions probably more than words, so just keep going and never faulter. At the moment she has all the cards and it sounds like you got some back and then by trying to talk to her to quickly you gave them back to her and while she has all the cards she will always win and she will gradually lose total respect for you. Stay cool brother and throw away that need because you don't need her the only person in this life that you need is yourself. Your born on your own and you die on your own. You just want and desire her which is a different thing altogether. STAY COOL AND BE STRONG
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