Zoe10

Dont meet him. Hes a lot older than you, and I have my suspicions of what he has in store for the both of you. Keep away from him zoe

Hi, Im really sorry to hear how hurt and upset you are. My opinion is the only nice things your boy friend is doing is being honest. He is insensitive, and a somewhat cold-hearted person if you ask me. You dont deserve that. Maybe he is taking you for granted? I understand that you love him very much, and you cant just switch that off. I would confront him, and tell him how deeply it hurts me. It reminds a little of a bf I once had. He told me to stop feeling sorry for myself when I was upset, and really had little compassion towards me. I was very weak, and I would also try and hold off calling him, but gave in out because I missed him, and felt that I needed him, but one day I had enough of the hurt, and I left him. It was one of the best things Ive ever done. I realised I didnt want to spend my life with someone who was so heartless towards the girl he was supposed to love, and other people. I am not suggesting you need to do this, but think about how he is treating you. In case youre not sure how is treating you - I will tell you hes not treating you with love and affection. Be strong in yourself and seriously discuss this with him. Give it time, and hopefully he will change. If not, ask yourself if you want to continue with his attitude or do something about it. Take care. Keep us posted. Zoe

You're clearly struggling to look after your baby on your own; I am sorry to hear that. Looking after a baby is work for anyone, but even more so when one is suffering with depression. You also mentioned that you come from a dysfunctional family. I recommend you seek help. Maybe the extra hobbies or just 'hanging in there' isn't enough. I'm not sure how it works in the United States (I'm guessing that's where you're from??) but there should be social services in your area. If I were you would I would contact any voluntary hot lines for families and individuals. There should be phones numbers in the front/back of phone books. Many services deal with an array of problems, and hopefully they can assist you or point you in the right direction. I'm not familiar with services in America, but I'm hoping there are organisations, which help with mothers and children. If you are able to find a service consider telling them how your family past is effecting your situation, and how you are struggling to care adequately for your child. If you are able to get access to these particular services, I think it might be a helpful option. Take care zoe

Hi broken angel. The way I look at it somewhat different from the other posts. I hope not too confuse you more, but I just want to let you know that I dont think you are being unreasonable. First of all, not all guys look at porn. And I dont think women *have* to put up with it. Im sure he does love you, and Im sure he only wants you, but I still dont think that is a good enough reason. I do know some girls dont mind their bf's looking at porn, and that is their business, but if someone (like you) really struggles with accepting it - I dont reccomend you just deal with it! Would your boyfriend mind if you were looking at porn? Best thing is to talk about, and probably best at the times when youre not bursting with anger. Its obviously making you feel like youre not good enough, and I dont think youre over reacting. zoe

I understand that communication is vital. He knows exactly how I feel. I have told him how much it hurts me. He just doesnt seem to think he is looking... so what else can I say?

thank you for all the advice... im seeking help about trust issues and so on. I have been in counselling for 11 mths. My jealousy really stems from a lot of hurt Ive had in the past. It is unfortunate that I am unable to separate my past from my present. I am trying very hard, and (I think) I am slowly progresssing. I am so afraid of being hurt, it seems to overtake my life at times. But I will get through it. Im sorry to hear that other people are dealing with the same thing. If I think of something to help myself, I will pass it on to others who are consumed by jealousy and insecurity. Chillyfrog: it is comforting to know Im not the only who has trouble with these issues. Hopefully we can help ech other. Keep you posted.

Thanks for another quick reply. We do love each other very much, its just very hard for me to overcome my insecurities. Im hoping that it will work out, and yes I try and reward him for his affection. Unfortunatley Ive come out with a lot of negative thinking and fear because of my circumstances. Thank you for understanding, and thanks for the posts. Take care zoe

I am in counselling already. In the last few years I was in a abusive circumstance, hence my intense fear and angst of betrayal and deception. Its a struggle for me to fully rely and trust someone. thanks for the reply.

As shameful and embarrassing as it is I have to admit I cant seem to control my jealousy. I'm so worried about my boyfriend leaving me, yet I continue to express my hurt towards him glancing at others. I must be damn stupid not to understand that checking out other girls doesn't mean he will leave me. It making me so depressed, and I worry about it a lot. Any other lady's (or guys) experiencing these similar feelings? And if so, how do you help to control your jealousy? zoe

thank you for all the advice. I can understand the getting even or getting back approach, but in the end it wouldnt make me feel any better and I really dont have the desire to look at others. It hurts me when my bf looks around, but I cant bring myself to do the same thing. I dont think I would be accomplishing much anyway, because i have confronted him, and he swears he doesnt look around. So I guess Im the one with the problem... I must be delusional.

I'm sending this post out of confusion. I mostly prefer to give advice, rather than seek advice. I guess I'm reluctant to discuss my own fears and problems with others. I appreciate any feedback and welcome any advice. In short, I have an intense fear that I might be deceived and consequently abandoned by people I trust. Due to my past it is a struggle for me to trust in relationships. I often doubt ones motives or sincerity. Along with that my own perception on what is acceptable and not acceptable is blurred. As a result I can be sometimes be over-cautious or overly submissive. I'm a young woman of 20 years, and in a relationship. Although it may not be necessary to have given you my brief background, I think it is helpful so that you may understand my vigilance and confusion that my problems stem from. So the question is simple, and probably been asked before on this forum. Is it acceptable for your boyfriend to glance several times at another girl? Hypothetical scenario: Out with boyfriend-slightly attractive girl enters-boyfriend glances several times at her (discreetly). I know I might sound simple minded but that really hurts my feelings, and I don't understand why a guy does that if he loves his girlfriend. (Hoping not to sound conceited), some guys find me attractive, and I have had many comments… so why cant my bf help looking at others? I understand that I'm over-sensitive and over-reacting but its really hurting me, and causing me to be rather depressed. I don't look around at other guys, and never feel the need. My worry is: does my bf still want only me, even when he notices other good looking girls. Is it one of those naturally men things, or should I be worried? thanks, zoe

My personal opinion is she knows what she is doing. I think that most girls know just exactly what theyre doing. Its not uncommon for girls to 'play' guys. If I knew a guy was interested I would and have in the past made it clear that I am not interested romantically, and I would certainly not flirt... as I would see that as being cruel, and I would not like that done to me. BUT, I might be wrong about your lady friend. So please only consider what I am saying. Maybe she has feelings for you, but is scared to enter into a relationship. That crossed my mind by her comment "being with me (you) would cause her to feel self-conscious." Maybe there are deeper issues. Either way you deserve to know, like the previous response I suggest you confront her. If she insists that she is only interested in your friendship, maybe think about letting her know how you perceive her comments/body language/flirting etc... Good luck Zoe

I understand how hard it is for you. I feel your worry and confusion. I have trust issues relating to awful past experiences. I *can* always think of a way that things might not be the way it seems... often fearing the worst and jumping to conclusions. Tell your bf how you feel, and how the conversations and so forth hurt you thus making you suspicious of him now. I think it is only fair for him to understand you; after all he was the one who made you doubtful in the first place. It is good to forgive like you have done (and it could be as innocent as he said). I have learnt that communication is the best way to gain trust. Keeping all your suspicions to yourself is a breeding ground for unnecessary worry. Take care, Zoe