Rainswept

Got into an accident a few hours ago, its snowing here really bad in Rhode Island, Roads are terrible, I'm still shooken up and I feel like theres a knot in my stomach...I slammed into a parked vechicle going down a steep hill, Lost control and I was heading towards the car, I did everything in my power to move out of the way..but the car just kept getting closer and closer and I realized I had to brace for impact..... Just seemed like this was the last thing I needed, I have a feeling I am going to be layed off tomorrow too, I hear all the rumors, I guess I am sick of it, I was layed off in April when I worked for Tyco, so when I got this job it was like a new chapter in my life, but now I am faced with the same familiarities... Last night at around 11:30 A.M I drove by my ex's house for the first time in years, You know, (The one that got away)..we broke up in 98, I wanted to just see her house......, I never fought to get her back, I thought me leaving her alone was the right thing to do, I know she was the one for me, I have been in love with other girls after her, and it seems she is the only girl I can't get over , I feel dispair in knowing that someone like her exists, that someone like her is out there. I regret letting her go, I just wanted her to be happy thats all... I carry alot of burden and weight, I carry alot of regret I have honestly prayed to god many nights to take me in my sleep... I have lost alot the last 3 years...I somehow also managed to lose track of myself.. I wish I could of relived that accident again, maybe then I wouldn't of worn my seatbelt Maybe somehow my troubles could of ended tonight.. I didn't have to go on living a life thats always an uphill battle, I know our struggles define us... But I'm just tired of fighting the good fight, tired of swinging my sword...Tired in believing that somethings got to give, that everything will be alright in the end, and that everything is going to be okay.. but all will not be okay..

" I left you , cause I was afraid that I could love someone that much" mmmm...so I guess she just wants the lower grade of love...riiiight btw funny thread

Hey buddy Just wondering what happened?, I was rooting for ya

I think your best bet is to consult the physician who wrote you up the birth control.....I think I can speak for everybody here..by saying nobody really wants to give you the wrong advice.....and endanger your health Regards ~rainswept

I normally don't suggest writing letters...Strangely However..your letter is different than the norm....I think sending the letter will help you in the long run...Her understanding takes a backseat in this ...its more important you say what you have to say..so it don't eat you alive. Well done, I am proud of you , expecially the part where you weren't looking to get back together.....That will put more validity in your letter... ~Rainswept

no no no show him this -----> "The Highway"

Hi bridgetjones74 Sorry your feeling like that , As I know that same feeling all to well.. I know things aren't so great right now.... I'm sure you have people who would be very sad if you decided to end your life...Just try to take it a day at a time..No matter how bad things are...Remember you can only go up from here.... remember nothing will get better if your not around...Keep your chin up...When you make it through this...it will put your life in perspective..You'll see how strong you really are ...Take your life back ~rainswept

Thats wonderful news...Congrats

Hi mtastic I'm sorry that your feeling this way ....I am one to know..I know what your feeling ...They say its easier to blame yourself...sometimes its closure for things that we grow so tired of pondering ...But if you do that..you'll just keep the pain at a close distance.. I sponged so much pain in my life...that it almost felt like a death in the family....it was so overwhelming that I wanted to just end it all....mtastic I think its great that you took a step in the right direction tonight by wanting to get better and improve.... As far as what worked for me....I started doing some independent things for myself..I joined a gym, by working out...or doing cardio...studies say you release a chemical that actually makes you feel better about yourself..and value life much more..You might suffer from depression aswell....I think counseling or talking to friends would do you wonders....Now I ain't a Bible thumper..So I ain't going to suggest religion..but from personal experience...it has changed me around completely..and I used to be very cynical...part of that was just me being upset with god for things I could not change....and then theres this site...just reading posts will sometimes give you the answers or support you need...knowing that your are Not Alone is priceless Regards ~Rainswept

I'm gonna go ahead and assume that this girl is rather young.. I can't say she returned to her ex or not...but seriously..there might of been someone else that entered the scene...After all.. She was cheating on her ex with you...And she probably gave you the infamous statement..."But I would never do that to you" Thats the problem..Us guys always think that were different from the previous..We believe were better...or more "special"...Seriously..she probably even told you how rotten her ex was right?....You can expect the same treatment here...Why else is she treating you so poorly and with no concern or regard to your feelings..Cause she already has her support to move forward...See my point? I don't know if this situation totally applies to you....but I seen this happen all to many times...Mostly in young girls or young women...but if she does return...why would you want to be with someone like that anyways?..you really wanna play an emotional game of pong with yourself and some other guy? I say teach her a life lesson and spare yourself some future grief.. Regards ~Rainswept

That was really good...I enjoyed reading that

I read an article that said women can tolerate pain more...yes even emotional...it said men take much longer to heal...I wish I had a link..this article I read off aol news....oh and besides men taking longer to get over it..they also experience more pain..sucks

Thank you vfunkera I think I just might take your advice....Turn off this machine..,I guess you have to let in the bad with the good...I been a fool all these years, this girl gave me back my smile.............even if I fail to win back her hand...I want to live free of fears Thanks ~rainswept

Hello fellow eNotaloners After being single 3 years now....I studied all my previous mistakes and all that..And I was pretty confident..I would never be eluded by a woman again...and that I would be ready for anything thrown at me..I have always been a "No Contact" master..maybe even to much for my own good ..I have studied the arts of being aloof and nonchalant..and even when I wanted to crack I would never show my cards....I have even studied some of the things my ex's did in the past..and so I even decided to study the mysterious ways of the female..and try to emulate it into my own craft...after being litterally smashed and destroyed a few years back..I started this campaign...I lost all my dignity and I fell to a womans feet..with my heart and fate in her hands..I never wanted to feel that again..So I decided to create this machine..it would be perfect in every way..plated in thick armor..and equipped with the greatest radar..which is "hind sight" so that I could spot anything before it happened..and this machine was me..I even took pride and boasted to all my friends..and when I dated some girls...they would start up with there mind games..and my system would target this...and I would quickly counter..and leave them dispatched and defeated...However I guess your wondering whats the point of this thread right?.....well my system is now malfunctioning ... I dated this girl about a month ago..and we dated and I enjoyed her company...however she started acting different...and her calls became less and less with each passing day....I quicky took notice of this and decided to dispose of her...so during these 2 weeks of "no contact" I realized I was starting to get effected and I stared to "care"...so in fear of contacting her...I decided to resort to my emergency power and leave the house , so I didn't have to be around, any ways I saw her last night..and of all the stinkin bars in the whole world...she had to walk into mine , and just to walk back out again...but before she did that..she approached me and we talked..I launched my fake smile...something I learned from females..and I also decided to diploy my witty charm..so she couldn't see that I was hurting inside...anyways what really struck me odd was..she asked me why I haven't called her...this sounded like a tactic to reveal..that I was affected by her not calling me...I intercepted her evil plan...and I just simply replied that I have been really busy...she made several attempts to melt the ice with me...such things involved flirting and innoscent touching.. but to no avail..she would ultimately give up and leave...after she left..I felt strange..I didn't understand what was happening inside of me...I wanted to get angry I wanted to cry..but I had to hide that all from my friends for a few more hours..anyways my night was ruined..and I bascially sat there with a blank expression...and pondered the whole night ..I left and stopped at a pay phone at about 3 A.M..I decided to call her..don't ask me why..I had no speech planned...luckily nobody answered the phone...I asked myself what I was doing..and I got back in my car and drove off...and when I got home I would hope just to quickly fall asleep..that would be a godsend..but instead I stayed up and questioned what I been doing all these years..this machine I created was just pure hatred in the guise of "independency"...I probably won't call her..my pride won't allow it..this is the way I am wired...I don't know how this girl came out of nowhere and threw a wrench in a perfect machine...I honestly thought I had it all figured out Anyways I'm not im good shape and need some insight or if anybody can relate with me..sorry about all the dorky metaphors..I just wanted to give a better understanding..anyways thanks for reading..it helps ~Rainswept

I have a few online friends that I have known for years, and we talk on the phone, send post cards, cards, letters, and they are people I genuinely care about