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NewlywedinMD

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  1. Yeah I am back, nothing has really changed, except for I am cutting off as much of the communication that we have as I can. I have been more direct in the things I have been saying, and rightly or wrongly been telling her that what she is doing is immature and selfish. How can someone end a 6 year relationship and a brief marriage without really trying to make it work. This isn't high school. Maybe it is just me, but in my expereince in relationships, if there is an issue you tell the person. Then give it a chance to work or not work. You don't assume that things will change when you never tell someone there is a problem. Am I wrong? Or am I right that she just wanted the perfect wedding, the incredible honeymoond and most importantly to get rid of me. From reading other posts, it seems common that women do this. Not getting into a gender war, but aren't the females supposed to be the sensitve type? How can you turn on and off your heart and emotions so easily. Guess now it is just a waiting game and hoping time helps erase the past six years of my life. Because someone who does this to her supposed best friend and husband is not worthy of being a friend. Sorry for the depressing Monday post.
  2. Some of you know my story, if not read my old posts. I am in the process of reloacted to a new city and I have started my new job. Been here 2 weeks. In that time, I have been emailing with my "wife" and it seems ok. She called me the other day but I couldn't talk to her. I asked her what the deal is with us, she says she doesn't know what she wants yet she says that she doesn't seen reconilation anytime soon, yet does not not want to talk with me. She said to me, "so if we don't reconcile then we won't ever talk," I said "yes." That is not fair to me. She wants to see what life is without me, then she can't talk to me. How can I possible be friends, even peers with someone that is doing this to me, supposedly her best friend and her husband? Friends are pushing me to kick her to the curb, and slam the door. That I deserve so much better, of course they are my friends and I excpect them to say that. I told her from the start that I would never be just friends with her. We have been best friends for six years. Have so much together, that I don't get how she can throw everything away. She knew what this would do to me, yet did it anyway to "protect herself" yet doesn't know what she wants. I don't even know how to act towards her, and foolishly I aksed her. Do I treat her as an exwife or what? I can only fight by myself for so long. She never really faces the issues at hand and when I push her, she gets pissy. How can a person do something this drastic (seperation) and not know what they want? Why do women rely on men for assurance and except things to get better when they don't talk about it? Wish there was a place to get answers to all my questions...
  3. Hate to say it this way, but if there is a God, why is he doing this to me. This is the person I made a committment to be with for the rest of my life. Guess I got played for 6 years
  4. Been married since april of this year. We tried counseling but it didn't last very long. I asked her to try again. I am not ready to give up, but it is not up to me. You can read all my posts for the background.. lol
  5. Well, despite me doing any and everything I can do, it looks like my wife just wanted a wedding and is willing to throw away our 6 year relationship. I guess I am the dumbsh*t that took the vows and committment serious. I don't get how she can do this to me, we had talked about divorce and she knew how I felt before we got married. How can she turn it on and shut it off so easily? Maybe I am the one who is messed up. My friends and family say to get this over with ASAP, that it is her loss and all,. But that is what I would expect them to say There are days when she acts like someone I don't even know, but I know she is not the person I married. I try not to argue with her even though she pushes me into it. I keep quiet instead of partake in the argument. How long does it take to get a divorce? She filed seperation papers, and I meet with a lawyer tomorrow but I am devestated. Friends joke about hooking me up. I can't see myself ever being with another person. Anyone know how long this process takes in Maryland? Sometimes I wish I cheated or did somethign that I can say damn I shouldn't have done this. Only thing I did was think that I married my best friend for live, through ups and downs, highs and lows. Little did I know..Guess I am not made to be married. Sorry for the bad tone of this message, but I needed to get it out. Despite what is going on in my professional life, a once in a lifetime event I feel like it is a waste.
  6. Lots of my friends have said the same thing, they are questioning her sanaity,whcih makes me feel terrible. The thing is, I can't see her not being in my life. I have no desire to see anyone else. On top of everything else she may lose her job next month. I told her I wanted to try therapy again, and worst case it saves our friendship. Despite her feelings I know we can make this work. I am going to give it some time so I can settle down and then bring it up again. If it gets as far as a divorce, I so do hope that she does come back. That would make me the happiest I have ever been.
  7. Well after teh counseler took a 3 week vacation I met with her indvidually and she all but dismissed us. From what I have read and people I have talked to, she was not good for us, the way she was subjective instead of objective. I have asked to try again, because I had my doubts with her before. My wife said we would try someone else. Thanks Simply I hope you are right. She says her heart is not in it, but I know I can win her back. I am not quitting on us. We talked last nite and gota lot out there. I need to learn to walk away when an argument starts. I know she is the one for me.
  8. I talked to my wife, we both said things that have never been said. Mostly me but we were both crying. Both said how much we care and love for each other. I have asked to thing about trying counseling again, if for nothing else to save our friendship. No matter what happens she wants to be friends, right now I can't be friends with her. I love her way to much. I know ther is not much chance of success for me, but I am not ready to give up. I am take the measures to protect myself, and she knows it. She says we were better off as best friends I said best friends make the best marriages. There are things we need to work on. I believe we can work through anything and I can't give up yet. No real reason for this post other than my friends and family woudn't want ot hear it. They all want me to get this done and move on as quickly as possible. I don't .
  9. Given my current situation, I would really want the person moving to be upfront and tell me before doing anything. Is there a chance that you can get back together?
  10. no, she encouraged me to take this new position. One that if things were going great I would dream about. I took it thinking it would give us a new chance. She lead me down the road. Saying how great it woudl be, how we could afford a great house, etc. Basically I got played, as they say the nice guys finish last and I got busterd. She got the wedding she wanted and more now she is done with me
  11. How can the person who is my best friend, let alone my girlfriend and now my wife hurt me like she has? She has all but killed me, lied to my face. I feel like there is no reason to live. She is all I want. I was given a new job oppurtunity, and took it on her advice since it will be moving me ot a new city and state. Now she doesn't even want to try to make this marriage work. Hard for me to see her as teh same person that I married. Could she have played me for 6 years? I wish I could die, and woudl so if I knew it wouldn't hurt my family and friends.
  12. Why do people get married and than after a few months mess everything up? I am in a similar situation and really feel like ending it
  13. Marriage was not something I took ligthly, we dated for 6 years and lived together for that long. I don't get why she wont even give another chance, it is not like I did anythign wrong. How can she throw away all this. We had talked before getting married about divorce and she knew how i felt about it. When we talked last week so made it sound like things were going to work, that although she had to be up in this area for work, that she would come down to my new area. Everyone saying this is a great thing because of the new oppotunity I have in a brand new city. Except I know no one there, have no idea what to do and the most devestating that I never thought would happen did. I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.
  14. I got a letter yesterday from my wifes attonry about a seperation agreement. On her advice I accepted a job in another state, not only was this opportunity a great one for me, I thought it woudl give us a fresh clean start. She was even talking about it. She came over on Wednesday to look at my beneifts package, we have been talking and I thought things were going better. Not that we went on a date, but just talking. She told me to call her on Thursday because she was doing a seminar all day. I didn't call beacuse I was busy. Friday I get this letter. I feel like dying. How can the person that I love the most, hurt me this bad. She lied right to my face. My friends and family are saying she is messed in head and that it is her loss. But what do I expect them to say. ALso that my new job is a godsend and a clean break for me. THey say why would I want to be married to someone like this. The only thing I can do is blame myself, and sadly the answer is yes, I want to be married to her. I wish I could be like other guys and not be as sensitive and emotional as I am. I can't stop crying over this. I can't stop playing the woulda coulda shoulda blame game. How can someone who has been part of my life for 6 years, give up so easily on this marriage? The sad thing is in the back of my mind, I want this to work.
  15. If you find the right person, you will stick with her. There are times when a piece of eye candy will catch my eye, but doesn't mean I want her. Women are the same way, at least from what I know..
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