glassbell

Genesis, it is not the content of your words that scares me. I have got to know the Bible very well at the Christian elementary and highschool I attended. It is the fact that you seem so sure of yourself and your being right about the existence of the Christian God, that you dare to force those ideas upon strangers. Without even considering the fact that there may be more truths in the world but yours. The existence of the Christian God, Jesus etc has never been proven to be right, just like all other religious concepts are never proven right. I do believe that it can give one a strong and safe feeling if one believes in this God and thus believes in the 'salvation of their soul'. There is nothing wrong with that, whatever makes you happy is alright with me. Certainly, it may very well be so that I end up burning in hell because I happen to not believe in the existence of Christ. Just like narrowminded and shortsighted people might very well reincarnate as sheep, if the Hinduist people are right instead. You see, there are many, many possibilities, and that you happen to believe this or that, does not mean it is right. Or else, all those other people who have entirely different Gods and ideas would be right too (they have just as little proof as you do). Oh yes, again, you were very sensitive in telling me I am in 'grave danger'. Thank you.

Well Genesis, Thank you for your message. I believe you mean to be friendly and helpful. But let me tell you this, you gave an excellent example of a very un-sensitive reaction. You have merely reflected your own beliefs upon me. Beliefs which, as you might know, are not THE truth, but one of many truths. (I will not go into a discussion with you about this. The only metaphysical truth in the world is: there is not one truth, but many possibillities) Some people believe one should not talk or worry about scary things, such as the people I wrote about in my first post. Some people believe in a God that may or may not exist, but truly Genesis, I know a lot about the Bible and I know this much: God and Jesus never meant for his disciples to scare people with lines like "Your salvation of your soul or ( after life) is not JUST based on your good or bad actions, but also by being a SAVED person who believes in God and his son Jesus." Please, read the Bible once again, but better.

Well thank you Genesis, although I do not believe in your God. I was raised with Christian morals and went to a Christian school, so generally do I live by the ten rules. I do appreciate your message, thank you.

Thank you Passionforliving, SwingFox, Avman, Feariechyld. Well I think I can conclude that it might indeed be (as SwingFox said) the typical Dutch mentality that bothers me. And well, I can also conclude that apparently it is easier for strangers to sympathize with me than for those who are close to me, thus, it is probably just their own fear bothering them, indeed. Not their not caring for me. Well perhaps I should speak up about how their behaviour/lack of sensitivity affects me, but every time I even start about the subject I feel my voice getting queer and tears coming up so I just shut up. Everything in me is just too tense now to even start a real conversation about it, perhaps people are just afraid of that. I seem to be waiting for someone who breaks the shell, but of course I cannot expect this from anyone. Man, how I hate seeing myself stepping into the victim-role. I never knew I could act this weak. But thank you very much all, your messages have actually helped me. Truly thank you.

Thank you Mar. Well, I guess you're right. And yes I suppose I will have to remember that although it doesn't seem like it, they do care. I still find it hard to understand that they all let me alone in this, because I myself always try to give attention and ask questions to people in down times. I believe there is no 'wrong thing to say', as long as it is sincere, thoughtful and friendly. But their silence and superficial 'all will be fine' reactions make me feel lonely. I will just stay silent about the subject than, until after the surgery, to avoid making people feel uncomfortable. I know I have to go through this alone anyway. Support groups, is a good idea, K8tie! At least those people know 'saying the wrong things' doesn't exist. I will make a call and search for one online. Thank you so much.

Akatoro, thank you. Though I have never been one of those who avoid deep-going talks with those who are in fear or difficulties, I do understand your point. They probably find it difficult or are afraid to say anything wrong. I suppose. But they still leave me utterly lonely and embarressed with my fear. I'm sure that is not what they want.

Thank you Ash. I do wish that someone would be so nice to hold my hand and be compassionate at scary moments, but the problem is, that it seems that as soon as they hear it might very well be a non-cancerous tumor, they simply don't care anymore. "It could have been worse". Of course it could have been worse.. but that doesn't make me less scared and needy for sincere attention from those I love right now. Somehow it seems like they don't care, or believe they help me by making it seem trivial.

One month ago, we discovered a tumor in my head. Right now, I am awaiting the results of several test and in two weeks I am going under surgery to have the lump taken out, as it needs to be taken out whether it is cancerous or not. I am intensely afraid. There is not much chance that the lump is cancerous, but the surgery will leave a 10 centimeter scar in my neck and because of the location of the tumor, I risk facial paralysis. Which would leave me with an expressionless face, ugly forever. Also I simply feel fear about the whole hospital experience; I have never been into hospital and under general anaesthetics. It occupies my mind constantly, which I do not find so strange. After all they are going to cut into my head which is my most important and vulnerable body part. But somehow, almost everyone I tell about my fear (only close family, acquaintances and some colleagues), tells me "Oh don't worry, see it positively, all will be well, cheer up, there are worse things in the world". This triggers anger in me. Why don't they see I just need a listening ear, and need to express my fear every now and then? Why don't they tell me it is alright to be afraid, and be nice to myself in the meanwhile? Why am I totally left alone in my fear? I am even starting to feel guilty and embarressed about telling anyone about it. I feel embarressed about my constant tears when I am alone. Does anyone have helpful advice for me on how to handle these superficial reactions? And on how to handle this fear, alone?

Hi Yes this a pattern. Many people have it. Seen it, been there. I was pretty hurt when it happened to me, and I am glad to hear you don't feel as bad about it. People like him have a fear of being alone. He must have felt that the relationship with you was bound to end soon, as you say you were not all that happy about it because he used you as an ATM as you say. His fear of being dumped and thus to be alone again, made him desperately search and find a new girl that could back up for you if you would dump him. I have no idea if he will ever break though his pattern. I expect that this can only happen if someone points out for him that he has the pattern! He doesn't know he has one, which is typical for people with any pattern. Perhaps you can help him in this, and otherwise I hope for him someone else ever explains to him how he is hurting people with his own anxiety problem. Goodluck moving on in your life, ~Glassbell

Well, I'd say why not, as long as she doesn't have a new boyfriend yet. Nothing is wrong as long as it gives you pleasure and others no pain. That is my idea, anyway ~Glassbell

Hi Brokenangel I very much understand your feelings about the celebrity porn your boyfriend watches. I can see how you can feel awkward and jealous if you see those famous women on tv, it is like they are his 'women-on-the-side' right? For your comfort: you are not alone in this, i have felt bad as well when I had a boyfriend who used to watch celebrity porn and pictures of a different race than me so I felt I was not good enough for him. Please try to realize though, that our fear and jealousy about this is not realistic. He is merely watching 'body-parts' that arouse him, and he chose celebrities because those women appeal to him more because he's seen them before. Men and the visual aspect you know.. Women usually have fantasies (many times of other men than their own) in their minds, whereas men usually prefer actually 'seeing' something sexually arousing with their eyes. So he just uses J Lo and co for one purpose, and afterwards, he'll just forget about them. The only one who remembers, are you when J Lo is on tv. HE loves you, wants you, desires you. Well you probably already know al this. I just wanted to tell you that I'd find it such a pity if the issue would bring your awsome relationship in danger. Sit down and think about it, how important is this relationship for you and do you want this issue to spoil all your happiness? I have a strange advise for you but it helped for me so here it is. He'll never stop watching porn, and if he does, he'll just find something else that might bother you. But you have the power to CHOOSE not to be bothered by his watching at celebrity porn. Laugh it away, and tell him you don't care as long as he comes to you for the real thing. Make jokes about it next time you see them on tv, bring it out in the open, you'll see, at some point if you look at the issue a little more lighthearted, you won't be bothered by it anymore. Good luck with it! ~Glassbell

Hi Stumbeline Well most women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, so there's nothing wrong with you at all. If you want to learn to find and get pleasure from your G-spot, try using an amount of lube on your fingers (or his) and just explore. Just take your time, use enough lube so it won't hurt if you feel you're very sensitive there and don't stress too much about finding it. There are so many other things to enjoy about your body have fun ~Glassbell

That's right, don't trust those dating sites too easily. Stick with some free dating sites, I'm sure there are some left. Also there are other ways to meet people online, like with msn profiles, yahoo profiles, which are all free. On the other hand though, recently I read an article in a Dutch magazine about online-dating and it advised to subscribe to a payed service in order to get more serious respons. Just be careful, read their policies beforehand, and see if you can find people who have experience with the site. ~Glassbell

Hello Peter, You asked how people use Zen Budhism in their life. I am not a real Buddhist, but it appeals to me, like it does to you. I've read a lot about it and what I find most appealing about it, is that it teaches you to be 'aware'. This seems so simple, but really if you look around you, you'll see many people who live without actually 'seeing' the world and their inner selves, thus they don't experience and enjoy it to the fullest. Being aware every minute of the day is easy, just look around and don't try to hide for the things you don't like. I used to meditate and do yoga a lot to become aware of my body and mind.. but I've been lazy lately. But truly, by training your deep awareness of the world and your inner self, you're actually kind of your own God. It's a great feeling of power and balance. I recommend to you the following book: Everyday Zen by Joko Beck. It is actually featured at this website! It is quite easy to read. Also, if you're seriously interested, consider visiting a buddhist centre and get into contact with a real buddhist. It's so cool to speak to someone who already reached a state of perfect awareness and balance through meditation. Good luck! Would love to hear how you've proceeded in your quest for a good philosophy or religion that works for you ~Glassbell

Bonjour to you bgt7 What was the fight about that made her stop communicating with you like you did before? Did it perhaps have anything to do with your love for her, that has never been spoken of? She might be scared.. of the situation or perhaps of her own feelings? Or just afraid to loose a friendship she cherished and would have wished to keep it as it was.. I don't know, I don't know if her feelings are the same. Putting too much pressure on her is no good idea in that case, it will freak her out like you said. Perhaps it's an idea to leave her alone for a little while without any contact between you two. After a few weeks or whatever you feel is appropriate, contact her again explaining you don't want to loose her as a friend. If she doesn't want it, well so be it, as SwingFox and Turboz said. If you than leave her alone again she'll know you respect her needs and who knows, perhaps she'll contact YOU again at some point, realizing she lost a friendship. ~Glassbell