jd2007

I never did any of the things that you thought I did. That day I told you I couldn't see you because I had my daughter, and we were out for a rid on the bike. That's really what I was doing. And that Friday night that you thought I was out on a date? I wasn't I was just taking a nap. The truth is - all I wanted was to be with you, and I didn't want to be with anyone else. All that time - that was all I wanted. Just you. I wish I could make you understand how frustrating that was.

I still miss you. Moving on is harder than I thought it would be, even though we were only in the most minimal of contact. You had me - you really did. That's what makes this so frustrating. I was ready to go forward. We had gone through a long period of time where things stayed on an even keel, and there was no longer any of the craziness. I was ready!!! And then things got sideways again. I wasn't seeing anyone that night you emailed and told me I had "failed your test". In fact, I was in the process of breaking my ties to the dating world, so that I could come to focus entirely on you. With all the weeks and months that had gone by, where all we did was text, all the times I asked if you had time to meet, to which you said no - and I was patient... why on earth would I ever expect you to be free and available out of the blue on some random Friday night!!? So I take a nap, and because I don't answer your text immediately, you dump me... AGAIN!!!! I did NOTHING WRONG. You thought I was out on a date, and I wasn't... but we weren't even officially back together yet!!!! I was ready. I was ready... and then you went crazy again. And at that point, I had nothing left for you. No hope. I had waited months, and nothing. If I had gotten to see you once, maybe twice, it would have been enough for me to be willing to keep at it. But there was nothing... and at that point, I knew that this would never get better. You'll always hurt me - if I let you get close. You can't help yourself. But you had me. You really had me believing... and now I have to let go for the last time.