PrincessBOT

7 weeks today of silence to end a 5 year relationship. We have not seen or spoke because after 1.5 years of being engaged you were still not willing to answer me and set a date to marry. This became the problem. You expected me to act securely when you were suppose to be commited but was obviously treating everything as a determining factor of whether we "meant to be together". How the hell do you do thay after 1.5 years of enagagement especially after we have been through so much together which included planning our future and all sorts of marriage classes and counseling preparation. Now you decide some small, you words it that it was small, issue meant that someone ,me, who was to apend their life with you would have done differently. Really...well I was the one who bought up the issue because of how you treated me. You never mentioned a word and probably would not have if I never bought it. I bought it up so we could discuss and do better for the futur, but you in your fear of marriage used it a way out. However, you were doubleminded again and in a change of heart for whatever reason wanted to get married again and start a family. Really after you put me last on the list of priorities and still being double minded with saying we are still getting married but not anwering me when I asked when. As I said then, it made no sense leave your breadcrumbs and I will walk you to the door. You walked out and I am sure to your relief that you didn't have to talk about being engaged or talk about marriage anymore. You showed me you had nothing more to say or give and absolutely no desire to repair what was obviously hurting me. Only words anything more you did not desire to exert. So I got my true answer despite you being double minded and purposely allowing confusion to prevail. No way you would not have declared and clarified that you want us to marry instead of walking out that door knowing that it was what i wanted and it was that you were not being straight about it was the only reason you were literally being led to the door. Today is the day for my egg freezing appointment and the official steps of me moving forward toward a single life rather than the married life we'd plan. I know you are twisting it all in your mind to make it seem like me not accepting your double mindedness after 1.5 years of enagagement and not accepting not being a priority is confirmation that it was not right. No, it was not if you wanted it then nothing recent would have stopped it. Your fear and my stupidity to think that despite you never marrying your two kids mother, despite reasons you think are valid, or marryimg the woman you felt did so good for you that we would be different. I really had to keep from hating myself over that. So now at least I make you have what you were double minded about...life without me. You dont get to have me around. You face life completely without me since you did not want to secure a married life with me.