Skay

Number One, You gave me my first kiss, my first love, my first real relationship, my child. I lost my virginity to you. I lost my innocence, and my self respect. I lost my dignity and my happiness. I discovered depression. You helped me remember my trust issues. You helped crack open old wounds. You lied to me, and tricked me, and used me. For two years after you left me for that prettier girl, I would wait by my window to hear that 'tic tic' of your knuckles on the glass. You ruined my life and made it. I didn't experience childhood because of you. How can you say that she's 'ours' when you've only seen her twice since she was born? You're able to go to college, and have friends. You don't have to worry about anyone but yourself. This was supposed to be a team project.. But I was always the one doing the work, wasn't I? While you are still a kid at 20, I haven't been a child since I was 16 years old. I hate you.. and I love you. Number Two, You taught me what an abusive relationship was, and how hard it is to get away from it. For three years, I hoped you would turn back into that man I loved during the first 9 months. You continuously called me selfish, and greedy. You told me I wasn't sexy and could never be because I was just a 'mom.' You made me believe my need for comfort was a jest to make you look bad. I couldn't talk to you about anything because I was afraid you would get angry at me. Thank you for making me realize I am worth so much more than that. Number Three, I think I loved you the most. You made me feel so wonderful about myself, and I finally let myself trust someone again. You were everything I wanted. You were romantic, and sweet, and funny. You were brutally honest, and I know I took that the wrong way sometimes.. A lot of times. I'm sorry I couldn't be there with you like we both wanted, but money is so tight and you were so far away.. I'm sorry I overreact and I'm sorry my moods seem to be just a bundle of roller coasters lately.. I wish I could change some of the things that happened between us, but I know I can't. I wonder if you realize how much you're hurting me right now.. I thought you cared enough about me to at least give me the boot instead of acting like I never existed. Maybe I was delusional and you never really cared as much as I thought you did.. I don't know. I just hope you're happy with the decision you're making..