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dancingboi

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  1. I am 21 years old and my fiancé' has left me after 5 years of our life together. I know that may not seem like all that much time to some of you, yet that is 1/4th of my life. She left me for good reason. I began to control her. I knew no other way to feel "loved" other than control. Watching my father beat my mother, brother and I and continually watching my mother come back for more, I thought that mom really "loved" dad. No, I never laid a finger on my ex, yet emotional scares hurt worse and take much longer to heal. I have taken steps to find the path to recovery. I have gone to therapy (which I am not too proud of, yet not to proud to realize I needed help either). I think that she sees a difference in me, yet she acts like she does not care. The thing that is tearing me apart is that I actually work with her, about 4 rows apart from her. I see her every day and I see how happy her new "man" is making her. He lives about 5 hours away from her and I just don't see how she could be so happy to be with someone that is not able to be with her. She is 20 and initially left me for a 30 year old. She did not get attached to him for a reason, but she quickly moved on to a 22 yr old that goes to college in a city 5 hours away. I know that I put her under a glass casing for too long, and now she is spreading her wings and tasting freedom. I want her to enjoy life and to get that out of her system, but not for me (like I would have in the past) but for her. I just don't know what to do. Of course I want her back in my life, as my future, as my best friend, as the mother of my future children, but I don't want to seem like I am forcing her. I come to work and have pain everyday. When I see her I think of all the good times that we had together, when I used to be able to hold her, and tell her that I love her. It sometimes fells worse when she is not there, because then I know that she is doing all of those things with another man now. I don't know what to do, this would be a whole hell of a lot easier if I didn't truly love her, and truly open my eyes. If it were about control, I would be trying to control someone else by now, but I NEVER want that control again. I want someone that loves themselves enough to never be controlled, and maybe that is why I am so distraught about not being with her. I see now that she loves herself that much. I don't know what to do, any support appreciated. ~It is hard to make a come back when you haven't been anywhere~
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