arkada123

I added you to my msn messenger buddy list. maybe we can chat sometime.

I added you to my msn messenger. hope to see u there.

The good news is you have a chance which is way better than my situation. I am happy for you. Just give her space and let her miss you. And when u spend time together ... try as hard as u can to never bring up the old you. Also, when she calls you ... talk 2 her for 5 min ... then say ..... ur going out or something u will call her back. BE NICE basically be less predictable and let her miss u again. She will realize that u are giving her space and u are changing. Your chance is good. I wish I was in your shoes. My chance is way lower.

Thanks for replying to my post. Here is what I realized. #1 calling her a lot and asking her to get back together will actually re-enforce the idea that you didn't change since you are not giving her space and pressuring her. You will actually push her away more. The problem is your case is that she is moving and you will not be able to prove that you changed. However, even though we think we changed ... change does take time. In the gfs point of view, is that they gave us chances in the relationship and however we missed them. So they believe they gave us enough chances and at when they broke up they believe they finally got the strength to do it and would never want to go back. Here is what I did in the last 2 weeks ..... I stopped calling ... she calls once every three days .. it is kind hard for mine since she has a new bf that lives with her but she still does. When she calls she does miss ... i never bring up the past and I never try to push her to see or anything. Here is what happened last call she called and at one point she said "tell me when u go & I will come with you" ... i continued talking about something else ... after 20 minutes .. she said " if u want to see me ... I will call u in 2 days and we set up something " ... my point being is you have to let her feel in control and come back to you. If she is moving ... then u don't have the time which is a problem. My problem is she got a new bf ..... he might end up being a rebound boy or It may be over for me. In my case, the new guy does not compare to me lookswise, intelligence wise and she told me this and she knows that. She even told me she trusts me and respects me more. At least she knows I am better than him ..... but the future remains unknown. What I did is that got on with my life so should u. You will even be more appealing to her that way. If she was not moving I would tell u you would have a chance. Unfortunately, girls sometimes break up in stages. ie. she hold your hand and take her sweet time while she gets comfortable with her decision. Hope I helped. You can compare our situation and what I am doing to see what u can do best in the short time you have. Most importantly .... never push her to do anything. If she says she is busy to see u ... even if u know she is free .... just let it go. Don't argue ... no matter what and never never appear desperate. I took me a month to gain my strength back and trust me I becoming more attractive in her eyes again, rather than the guy begging and calling her 2-3 times a day. Also... it would take time but eventually it will hit you that she may never come back and you have to get on with your life. I am there now. Good Luck.

Best posting I read. Postive. It is true but the person you are letting miss u must have already a liking from you. It works in a break-up to help them realize they made a big mistake and appreciate what they lost. A balanced approach is needed. My 2 cents.

I agree with the fact that you need to have her miss/appreciate you. This can only be done by creating some space. Not calling her every day or 2 times a day. Let her work at it too. On the other hand, if she broke up cause of something we (the guy) did as in my case .... then you need to prove that you changed by spending time with her. In the end, nothing is guaranteed and it is very good to start building our lives/happiness independent of our exes. It took me a month and a half to learn this lesson. I did tell her however, that I wasn't going to talk 2 her anymore ..... and she has to work at it so that we both stay in touch. I think it is was a good move. She appreciates me more now at least to stay in touch.

The good news is that she still likes you. Give her some space first .. let her call you then evaluate it from there.

Thank you for your reply. In your case, you did not do anything wrong so he is not a good person. It is more clear than mine. In mine, I was not a good bf in some ways (I never cheated) but mainly being stubborn and we always had to do things my way. I can't blame her for feeling the way she felt even though cheating is wrong & never the way to deal with things. In my case, I did get an answer which is she does not want to come back with the reasons she mentioned. However, I never showed her that I changed in terms of not pressuring her (unfortunately, asking her to get back together is a form or pressure) or being tough towards her. This I can show her but it will take time. I also have to tell her that I don't blame her for the cheating thing .... she did feel pressured in our relationship and I should have never acted the way I did. One thing I know is that she cares soooooo much. In terms of the other guy, she is with him but she does not respect him and I am hoping it is just a rebound thing ... she simply needs somebody there. I am sure she loves him to an extent. I asked her once .. she replied .. she does not know him well !!!! Sometimes, I feel there is no point calling her anymore or to ignore here calls. I have never done that so far. I am giving her space for the first time since we broke up. Maybe she will miss me this way. I does hurt so much. Can't sleep welll and it has been over a month. I am sure you guys went through the same thing.

My girlfriend of four years broke up with me after 4 yrs in which we lived together and she always wanted to marry me. On the other hand, always pushed the topic aside. She did love me very much and so did I. She was on vacation for 3 months. She came back and during the week after she came back I acted as if I didn't care so much. She was distatnt too. She met a guy on her trip and cheated with him on me. She broke up with me and two weeks after he came to live with. She said she needed him to get over me. She said the reason is I was too controlling (true) and always pressured her(true again). I was stubborn and it was my way or the highway. I do regret being that way and did learn the biggest lesson of my life. Fast forwarding to now. She remained in touch with me and everytime she calls me she sounds like the happiest person on earth. We had a lot of arguments after the breakup. I told her that I realized my mistakes and I will change and make things work out. She said is afraid to come back to me. The new guy initially prevented her from seeing me, but afterwards with me helping her she gained strength and started seeing me again. She said she trust me more and repects me more. I asked her if she loved him and she responded after a pause "not as much as a i loved you". I fully realize my mistakes (the biggest lesson of my life). She did tell me she loves me once after even he came to live with her. She lets me hold her hand sometimes. I proposed to her and got her a diamond ring .. she cried and didn't say no. after one week and a half she said she can't come back to me cause 1) she cheated .. I will never trust her again 2) my personality. I told her I can never talk to her again ... she cried so much. Then I called her next day & I said we can stay in touch but we decided not to talk for a week so that we cool down. She said she wanted to build a friendship with me (he was beside her on the phone when she said that). She may really want a freinship and really does .. I am not sure. But she is willign to upset him/fight with him to stay in touch with me. I have to admit I did act irractionally after the break up and she always met me so that we stay in touch she does care. I do love her so much and I regret what I did so much too. She is my soulmate. I want her to be strong towards me and build a new relationship if she comes back. So we decided not to talk for a week. She sent me a card after 2 days saying "sorry I was not calm to you yesterday, while I could not do anything properly after I finished talking with you. I do do do appreciate everything you did for me, really. but please stick to our deal, and take care. I care for you a lot, so please forgive me. " ... 2 days later she called me (again very happy) to see that i got the card. I did stick to the deal of not talking for a week. She did call. I need to show her that I changed. but it takes time. I hope she come back together with me. I realize my mistakes. I lover her so much and miss her so much. Thank you. Do I still have a chance or do I need to move on ??

I am in the exact same situation. I was in a four year relationship and she loved me so much and always wanted to marry me. I always took good care over her, loved her but I always also put her down and got angry at her for no reason. She recently was on a 2 month vacation and after she came back, we were both stressed and things blew up. She broke up wiht me and she met a new guy in the vacation. He is coming to live with her. We both can't sleep/eat. I want her back ... I showed her in the week before the other guy is coming that I am changing and she knows that. Even though she ended it, she still held my hand ... and sometimes told me she loves me. but she seems determined not get back with me. She wants me to be her friend forever. I want the other guy to screw up to get a chance. I don't know what to do. I miss her and love her and regret everything I did. Any advice?