Robinson

funny you say that. I just discussed it with a male friend of mine, older (40s) who said I was crazy if I though it would work, that it looked as if I didn't know how women work, that all I would get would be her not believing I was chased after and that I intentionally triggered it all over me. I also have my doubts, the only similar case I know in which the husband was preemptively honest ended up in nothing positive: the wife didn't get it and all it did was spoil the relationship even more. Well, I'll discuss it with a couple more friends before deciding. One side tells me that I should, that this is the right, honest, even if risky thing to do, while the other tells me I must be crazy to expect anything positive out of such "exagerated" honesty. In the end one thing is true: I can never be happy with the idea I had to confront my wife with a more or less obvious threat of loss to trigger an eventual closeness towards me. That's not natural, it's not the way to go. I know couples aren't phisical and hot forever but hey... I'm 32, she's 34. If we aren't hot about eachother now how will we be in 5-10 years? I don't even wanna imagine.

well, thanks for the input guys. You haven't told me anything I didn't think about, but the fact is that the last times have shown me why things aren't easy when it comes to this. I was always tough on cheating, but hey... I was never in a situation I felt neglected or disregarded... it's true that me and my wife have discussed it a few times, things even get better but.. it all comes back to the same a few weeks later. One major obstacle is my firm belief that love is proven by will and not on demand: either she wants me and shows it or... it can't be demanded. I cannot be satisfied with a woman that starts showing me more affection just because I threatened to move or something. It's a bit emotionally humilliating, in my view. I have a major test this week, as I'm meeting the potential OW with a firm will to show her how wrong this is and why I simply can't do that (without making her feel the blamed one, although it's a fact she chased me, not the contrary but she's just a younger woman with nothing to loose and looking for a good time, I'm the one who has to have the morals straight). My fear is exacly what you say mrmaximum: building agravation towards my wife and killing my still existing feelings for her. I even considered turning this woman down and then immediately talking it with my wife, saying what happened and saying we cannot continue like this, that I turned it down because I love her and respect her but that our life style is making me look at these chances as I never did before, when I felt loved and wanted. I guess that could be a major hammer on her head, dunno if a good one but still... strong.

I understand that view, but easier said than done, specially because the context is not black & white like that. How can I do that If I'm pretty sure I love my wife deeply, even if frustrated and feeling unwanted? If I didn't love my wife or didn't feel, to some extent and even if not completely, loved I would obviously had taken actions. I imagine the classical image of the cheating husband/wife is (one or several options): a) someone who doesn't really love his partner at that point. b) someone who always had moral lack of standards that made him/her prone to dishonesty. c) someone conscious of a) & b), living problems in it's relationship but not strong enough to adress them correctly. d) someone willing to chase the bad option: cheating. Well, my own case, and I believe the case of other good people caught in the same situation: a) someone who loves his parntner but is conscious that someone wen't missing. b) someone willing enough to have discussed it several times, seen some things change for the better, only to see the other come back to the same stance. c) someone who still has strong reasons to believe that is loved by it's partner, maybe now on a mode closer to "companionship" than passionate. d) someone who is hurt by not feeling passionately wanted, but who also believes such feelings are not to be demanded, they should come out naturally from someone that loves us. e) someone who is confronted regularly by the lack of desire of someone he/she loves while being confronted by the strong desire of someone outside, who looks attractive/interesting to that someone. If the world was a perfect spot I would be able to talk it over with my wife, saying directly how it has affected me to the point of feeling the temptations as I didn't before but one knows how that would end: loss of the remaining happyiness and few or none chances in what matters - the need I have to feel that my wife doesn't take me for granted, that she desires me and is willing to prove it. About my situation I still feel I can strongly resist the temptation of seeking the chance I have to feel wanted. God help me being strong and overcome this, but I don't see any solution to the pillar problem. victim? I'm no victim, I'm just a human able to miss or hit, like any other. Many would have missed already, as many would make through unharmed, I still believe I can make the second group.

that's the other extreme. Nor 8 nor 80. There are always 2 sides of the story, but I think that, unless ppl are really poor characters, there are no infidelity cases among couples formed of good people that are only one's blame. Of course the most blamed one must be the one who cheats, but no one who has been a good loving faithful partner for sometime goes out cheating out of nowhere. There have to be problems, and problems usually mean guilty on both parts. My case: I'm currently writing this as my wife sleeps on the couch in the living room, it's 22,50, as she always does every single f****g day. We've talked about it, I've expressed my pitty for not feeling wanted, for not seeing her make me feel wanted, we are on our early 30s and I feel we have the sex life of 50yolds. She says its life, that we have a stressfull life, that I've get to get used to it, although she promisses to take some action (see a doctor, take some darn vitamins or something) but it's usually unfullfilled promisses in the long run. I myself feel hurt and have started to avoid taking initiative, as I need to feel wanted to keep on making the moves. At the same time I know there is a woman accross town, 6 years younger than me, darn sexy, inteligent, pretty and sucessful that is "sieging" me as there is no tomorrow, making me feel very special and... wanted. So... I guess everyone sees what is going on here: If I cheat I'm the one to blame, I'm the bastard, but no one with minimal inteligence can say it's 100% my fault, that I just decided to cheat out of a very happy marriage. Thats crap. Oh, and I'm married for 6 years, never had the minimal (until today) urge to cheat, I've had chances I've refused with full ease but hey... guess what... I felt happy and wanted by my wife then.. she even slept at normal hours for our age group. Funny hein? One thing is for sure: if I do it the OW is the LAST to be blamed, coming back to the topic.

if you allow me, being a married man right on the middle of a hurricane of being chased as hell to cheat: 1 - there is no stereotype here. Each case is a case. 2 - your view makes sense, the OW is the last one to be blamed by the official one. She should blame in this order (and now for a surprise): 1- her husband 2- HERSELF 3- the OW Then it all depends on the case. My corrections comes to the fact you use the "he tries to cheat with" when that's a stereotype. Men (and women) aren't all hungry dogs chasing, sometimes we are chased. A lot. And sometimes we are in difficult situations, for example, not feeling wanted at all at home, feeling like the last of priorities, feeling powerless after discussing it endlessly and seeing no changes and then... witnessing someone rather interesting chasing us as if we are all that and the rest. Who's to blame? I agree with you, the last one is the OW, but EVERYONE ELSE is to blame. Regularly such failure comes from 2 individual failures: one fails to RESPECT the other, and the other FAILS to avoid taking the first one for GRANTED.

a couple years ago, 28,29 I would only get attention from girls of my age, 25-30. Nowadays; I'm getting attention from other segments: both younger girls (above 20) but also (and most interesting) from women 35-45. In fact these last ones are the ones giving the strongest signs even a wimp like me identifies. It's not the shy look in the eyes, it's a strong, sort of predatory look. I don't consider this attraction though. Attraction for me is when I see, by the kind of relation me and another person build, that that person likes me in some way. Interpreting "attraction" in that sense I think I always attracted the kind of women that make life have a real meaning, meaning that I was never quite able to have fast casual stuff, the (not so many) women with whom I related always triggered feelings in me and also became very envolved. In my life, until now, I was always the guy they wanted to marry, not necessarely just take home for a night. On one side I sometimes think I could have lived a lot more, a few years back, but on the other hand its great to look back and remember that I had several beautiful love stories, a couple of them "movie stuff", it's a great feeling, great memories.

There are a lot of men that take AGES to reach orgasm when receiving oral, I'm surely one of them, which doesn't mean I don't love it like hell. It's not about performance then, although there is surely things you can work on not only to make him more excited but also to avoid getting the jaw pain you refer. It's more about touch than intensity i think, and there is a lot you can still do while you rest your jaw muscles in between.