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michelemybell

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  1. Your boyfriend should tell her that if she contacts any of you again, that you are contacting the police. And stick with your word. She is harassing you. Your boyfriend should put an end to this.
  2. I remember when I first started dating my now husband. I would get all upset about him looking/reading Playboy and similar magazines. I was so insecure about myself and our relationship. I still sometimes find issues of Playboy or Maxim, but it doesn't bother me now since we've been together for a long time. If you find that your guy is obsessed with these women or looking at porn and not paying attention to you, then you have cause for concern. Otherwise, all guys look at these things and it has nothing to do with you. Both men and women look at the opposite sex. I'm sure you will look at other guys and perhaps have fantasies...and it doesn't mean a thing unless you act upon them. It's human nature. Trust me, the longer you are in the relationship and the more secure you become, the less this is going to bother you.
  3. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like there was enough time between his other relationship and the beginning of his with you. He may have said bad things about her--and perhaps they may be true to some extent--but he still had feelings for her and they had quite a lengthy relationship. Having been in this situation before, I would be very wary of a guy (or gal) that talks bad about their ex. It's sometimes a sign that they are still really bothered by them and wont be completely free for a new relationship. I know this hurts and it's going to take some time to get through. If he gets back with her, it may or may not work out...and he may be knocking on your door again. You can wait to see what happens, but a better use of your time is to take care of yourself and your needs, and perhaps meeting someone who is completely open to a new relationship and is not still carrying around baggage.
  4. Empty, As I started reading your post, I was going to suggest Plan B, and I'm so glad you did! I know I'm going to sound like a parent here, but do you really want to go through this kind of stress everytime you have sex? It should be a relaxing experience; not one filled with angst! The best option is for you both to wait to have sex, because you're risking a lot here. But if you aren't planning on stopping, your girlfriend should be on birth control pills (or another form, like the patch) in addition to you using a properly fitting condoms. Also, you dont have to fully ejaculate for pregnancy to happen. Pre-cum contains sperm too. And while pregnancy during menstruation is unlikely, it can still happen. So, just be better informed and prepared if you plan on having sex again. I know the first time I had sex, I was worried so much that I delayed my period! I highly doubt she is pregnant (Since it is unlikely that you got her prego in the first place and she took Plan B on top of that) but she's going to be a nervous wreck regardless.
  5. Rabican, I like your post!!!!!!!!!! Aschleigh, I think most of the problems on this board are about people who didn't think more before having sex and the whole host of problems it can cause. Not saying that one should forego sex or that sex is evil. But a little more discretion would save a lot of heartache and trips to the doctor!
  6. I agree with MBA1 on this one. I think people with age differences that are over 30 are in a different class than those in their teens and 20s. As one might insist they are mature and worldly in their early 20s, they haven't gained life experiences--That only comes with time. How many of us that are 30 and above can say we knew as much then as we know now? Your prime years for growth are between 20 and 30. I hate to say this, but most of the time when an older guy is looking at someone in their early 20s or younger, he wants someone kinda naive and not completely his equal. And maybe those in their 30s and above that are still looking at younger partners may not be ready to let go of their "party" days. I mean, you have to admit that being in your 20s held a lot less responsibilities than your 30s. And it's definitely not fair to rob someone in their 20s of that experience. Myspace is kinda known to be a dating/meeting place for younger people. So, I wouldn't take offense to her comment because you aren't over the hill and you are attractive! I'm back in college for post-graduate work, and there are a lot of younger students in my classes. I get comments all the time around school such as "Are you a teacher?" and "Are you taking these courses for fun?" Sometimes it annoys me, but I realize that maybe they haven't learned much about life yet! They will learn!!
  7. I'd be careful with dating because you're bringing in another woman into these kid's lives when they've already lost two moms (even if it wasn't your fault). They dont need to go through another lost relationship. I'd put my love life on hold until they are older.
  8. Of course the choice of keeping the child or not is a personal choice and not one any of us here can make for you. But please please Marina, dont continue to be around this guy. Hopefully this pregnancy and the fact that you're impacting others now with your decisions will be a wake up call. Sadly, you see all too often women continue to hang around loser guys and oftentimes they "wake up" when it's too late. Don't screw up your life. This guy ain't worth it. Please value yourself more than that.
  9. Marina, I really wish you thought first about having sex with a loser guy who disrespected you. Why oh why did you even continue having sex with him? And where did you get this special brownie? From him? If so, why are you still around him and taking chances around a dangerous loser guy who cheats? This is going to be a tough thing for you. Sure, plenty of women work and make it through as a single mom. But I feel bad for you that as a new graduate, you have to make these decisions. Have you thought about adoption as an option? I would totally respect you if you did that. If you keep the baby, you really need to get your priorities straight and get smart about life. You can't be making stupid decisions and mistakes, especially with stupid guys. I wish you all the best. This is a tough situation to be in.
  10. Hey everyone, let's try to help RayF here and leave the arguments about what a woman's body looks like after childbearing to another thread!!! RayF, I went through a similar experience and it's going to take a lot of time and soul searching to get to the other side. I think one of the earlier posters hit it right on the nail when he said that if you put so much emphasis on a relationship, you are always going to be sad. I even think if you were with your ex right now, you'd eventually become depressed because she has flaws and can't be the miracle cure. I think you haven't let go of idealizing her. I wish we all had the opportunity to either be with our exes again or be a fly on the wall in their life and find out what we SHOULDN'T be missing!!! It's that dang idealizing we can't let go until of course, we find someone new. And then the cycle starts all over again. LOL I know you've heard this one million times before, but try to hang in there. As another poster said, this is the time to start over and make yourself into something even more fabulous. I have to say that between the time my ex broke it off with me and right now, these years has been the most life changing time in my entire life. I came to the conclusion that this one person is not going to ruin me. And if they are having fun (and who knows if they really are) then we deserve the same happiness.
  11. I agree with momene. Why not find a guy instead who is balanced with work and his family/social life? Instead of hoping this guy will change and pay more attention to you? Isnt that more desirable? Are you dating in hopes of marriage? Can you imagine being married to this guy who finds it more important to be at work (beyond reasonable hours) than to be with his family? Plenty of women marry this type of guy and end up extremely unhappy.
  12. Hi havefaith, I think that it is good that you are being overly cautious with birth control. I remember being the same way when I was younger and unmarried! What kind of pill are you on? I'm on the low hormone pill (the name escapes me right now) where you have to take it at the same time every day. Even with this pill, you can be off within a couple hours. . There are other BC pills where you can take it with more flexibility. With daylight savings time, the one hour difference wont affect it. If you travel to a different time zone, you will have to adjust the time you take it. If you feel that it's a problem to take the pill at scheduled times, you should really look into other birth control methods (such as the patch).
  13. hi snogirl, You really have to be honest with yourself here----Is he really a jerk, or are you insecure in the relationship? Are you micromanaging him or being controlling? Sometimes women (and men!) do this when they put too much emphasis on the guy and the relationship to fulfill what they may be missing in their lives. This may not be the case with you, but it sure was the case with me at one time. I remember when I was dating the man (who is now my husband) and he was late here and there calling. He wasn't a jerk, just a guy who got busy with things and sometimes forgot the time. I would go ballistic on him, because honestly, I was so focused on the relationship and wanted so much attention from him. I would get jealous if he went out with his friends and family. As time went by and I became more secure with myself and the relationship, I wasnt as sensitive to him slipping up every once in awhile. If you dont think your boyfriend is a jerk, I think you should tell him that he should be more considerate with planning things, calling and being there on time. You have to remember to be realistic too---He's going to make mistakes. If he doesn't care and is really insensitive, you shouldn't be with him.
  14. saloum, I know you still want to figure this out, but you really need to let it go. Stop trying to figure it out. You are just continuing the game. Stop now. For your own sanity. Let him go.
  15. Hi Marc, My take on this conversation is that she means exactly what she is saying. She likes you a lot, but she wants to explore what is out there. I know this is hard to hear--I've been in your shoes before. The thing is you gotta remember this---Try your hardest not to take it personally. There may have been someone in your past that liked you more than you were willing to give. They could've been the nicest, most beautiful person in the world. But you wanted the freedom to do what you want. It could be out of her own insecurity--There are tons of people like that who constantly need validation from others because honestly, they dont have much self-esteem within themselves to be liked by one person. (The problem is, she'll find out that the pattern will be repeated in the next relationship). As I mentioned in my previous post, she's picking the "bad boy" because of low self esteem. But there is nothing you can do about it. She has to learn this lesson herself. What you need to do now Marc is to take this opportunity to be the best person you can be. Take care of your health, exercise. Try to look and feel your best. Accomplish things at school and/or work. Whatever you do, dont pour your heart out to your ex. The best would be to go into NC mode because it might be very hard for you to talk to her right now (even though I know you want to talk to her). Just stay focused on moving forward because everytime you get weak and slip back, it's a strike against you. Get strong inside for yourself. The added benefit is that she will see this in you and will probably come back around. But you gotta get this confidence back in yourself. You need to see that movie "Swingers" if you haven't already done so. (It took place during the swing dance craze, hence the name). The main character goes through exactly the same situation you are going through. The ending is classic. Michele
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