Bdhod1

I Felt lonely today, but no panic attacks and its not a rollercoster of emotions as when I was having contact. B.

Grrr, Wait until you are ready. I know I had to get to the point where I was ready. One thing I would advised is to look at your feelings after you have contact. If you notice that you are feeling worse that will become motivation for NC. (at least it did in my case.) You have to really make the decision that you want to move on with your life. When you are ready to let go it makes a lot of sense to go NC because you want to focus on yourself and focusing on your ex is counter productive. But in my case I was in shock/denial for a while (looking at divorce that I did not want) Once I was ready to admit it was over then I could do NC. It still hurts some days and it is still lonely some days but it is not a rollercoster of emotions. B.

Day 5 Today was another good day! I did get an E mail from My ex-with some financial stuff and at the end he stated this (NC) was going be harder that he thought. BUT as I have said before it is over. I only E mailed back the answer to his financial question. I am moving on with my life (Friday is the formal divorce that he wanted) and the best way to move on is to focus my energy on me, not us or him. My advice to any other people who are considering NC is to wait until you are ready. I tried once and failed miserably. It was probably about 1 and 1/2 months after he told me he wanted a divorce that I was ready to let go and start my new life and go NC. This time I feel NC is a helpful thing. No more arguing, no more hearing why he wants to move on but he still loves me Etc,. My emotions are not on a rollercoster any more. B.

Day 4.. Still no contact, but not feeling like I can change my life and take on the world either. Kinda a blah day. Came home from work and just took a nap. I'll work on changing my life without him tomorrow B.

Day 3, Again another good day. I still think about my ex and the pending divorce and all the changes that are going on as my life changes, but my attitude today was purely positive. Mondays are really busy for me as I work 2 different jobs and I saw my therapist today. Hey, but a good day is a good day. Here is the kicker, when I got home there was a message on the machine from my Ex saying he missed me. How does that make me feel? OK. But it is over. The fat lady has sung and I realize I can't have him in my life right now as I am healing. I have done the "hanging on, trying to be friends thing" and I fully realize that just doesn't work. As much as you would like that to work, for now it doesn't. So I am perfectly happy to have gotten that call and continue my NC. I know this weekend will be tough. (Friday is the court date for our formal divorce) and I don't have any big plans yet...but today is OK. I am going to work on making some plans for the weekend. B

Day 2, Much better than day one. I feel hopeful today, like I can take on the world. So weird how it goes up and down. I did have a little moment of sliding down when I got back to my big quiet house after being out of town but manage to put on some music and pull out. Yesterday, I had gotten up at 5:00 am drove for 2 1/2 hours and had not eaten at about 2:00 when I had the down fall, I think the fatigue and hunger were definitely part of my down fall. On to Day Three! Bonny

Hi all, I finally decided to go NC with my soon to be Ex-husband. We will be divorced Friday July 20th if all goes as planned. It was around May 14th when he told me he wanted a divorce. I tried no contact back then but was not ready and had horrible anxiety attacks. So, I opted for contact while he was in the house and to do one day at a time. Since then, he has moved out and I have been trying to pay attention to my feelings after seeing him. I can see that for the relief of the familiar I pay the price of refreshing the pain. I realize that NC will help be build a new life and focus on me. So Yesterday He was out at the house moving more stuff out and I told him I wanted to keep contact to only the absolute necessities. (The court hearing, questions about stuff in the house he has not taken etc) He understood, But of course says he is still here for me. (He still professes to love me and says he will always be there for me which makes this more difficult) So today, Day one, I went to compete in an out of town agility dog show with my dog and I am at a hotel. Unfortunately, my out of town parents are in this town for a funeral and want to see me. I don't have a very close relationship with my mom and do not want to discuss the details of my marriage failure because she has a tendency to be critical. Anyhow, waiting for my parents to come, I kinda had and anxiety attack and tried to call my Ex- but he wasn't there. (Throw twinkies at me already!) My parents came, it was ok, I did talk to them a little bit. (she focused her criticism on my ex rather than me....better than focusing it on me but it would have been better if she just listen to my feelings rather than saying I would be better off without him) The parents are gone and the anxiety attack has passed. I was hard going to a hotel room and not going home and having to face the parents. I am going to read a book and go to bed early but I am not going to call my Ex back. I thought I was ready for No contact but it is really hard for me. I get these attacks of panic. Was is really bad is I am 39 and Have NOT had these my whole life so I dont know what this is all about. I am seeing a therapist so hopefully she can help. I kinda though I was over them but obviously not completely. I can't believe I am posting my mental health issues! Please be kind off to read and sleep! I'll be postin' tomorrow with better news I hope. I have good days and bad days, I know that now and were going to try to make tomorrow a good day. B.