K

I keep catching him looking at her, and she is prepared to go out with him - even marry him... I'm finding it really hard to control myself, trying to - I'm really stand-offish to him during the day and crying at night thinking about him - but its so apparent that he likes her. If he is within 3 metres of me I get a rush and find it hard to breathe when he's sitting next to me in the car. The other night I looked up and he was like looking straight at me and I looked away and then yesterday he gave me this huge long straight in the eyes look and I don't know what look I gave him back but he just looked at his feet really sad! - He probably thinks I don't like him for my sister - I have to stop hoping that things will all turn out well for me. He's probably trying to work out why I've changed but I know if I tell him what I feel I will resent him more! Its hard enough for me to go through it without him knowing. Its so apparent he's going to be with my sister, its only a matter of time. I finally think I'm coping well and then he's around again, I'm just glad I can share my feelings with this mb coz otherwise I'd go insane!

This is heaps similiar to what I'm going through. I was crying last night coz I'm trying to turn my feelings off for this guy who really likes my sister. A little different to him getting married I know but firstly my thoughts are if he is such a nice guy I don't think he'd be engaged to marry this girl unless he really loves her. My guy was laughing, having deep and meaningfuls, flirting, and touching me but now I find out he's all along had feelings for her. So perhaps your guys really likes you but not in that way?

'Like' is my official word of the day. And I hardly ever give yes/no or 2 sentance answers. Thats all. Just reread my post and couldn't believe how long or how many 'likes' there were. Oh yea the guy was like 20 when I was 16.

For one guys I like and my 'friends'are normally in two different categories. When I was like 16 this guy who was like and I were like best friends. I shared everything with him, gave him like all access to my thoughts and feelings. People would say your so blind, he loves you and I was like no he doesn't you idiot. Anyway looking back I eventually must have really hurt him because when he made his move, I was really honest and didn't think about his feelings at all. He was like I can't bear to be away from you and my response was and I quote (I can't believe I was so insensitive) was "Oh, wheres the tissues?". I really enjoyed his company but had no desire to get intimate with him at all. He moved away and when he came back I was with totally in love with my boyfriend, and he couldn't take it. We were never the same again. Poor fella, I really liked the guy but was not attracted to him in anyway so I wasn't going to pretend I had to consider his offer when it came. I don't know right now I actually am trying to stop liking this friend of mine because he likes my sister. Its so annoying. At first I was like, no he doesn't like me, he can't and then once again everyone started saying hey, perhaps he likes you and then I got thinking about it and thought wow this guy knows me so well, if he likes me perhaps it's strong enough to conquer my doubts. And now it has like blown up in my face and hurt me because he and my sis are like flirting in front of me and I have to pretend to be happy that their getting together. I'm pretty sure the guy and my sis for that matter have no idea I feel this way, and I'm angry at him because he flirted with me enough to make me respond - the PUNK. Its so messy when it goes wrong between friends!

First of all I feel sorry for ya, internet hug! I actually was in a very similiar situation when I split with my ex. I loved him to death but knew I couldn't go on. It sounds like your depressed. I've been on medication for depression and although I hated it, it helped. You see depression is chemical, and taking anti-depressants (I only took them for a month) can help to break the cycle sort of thing. I also spoke to a counsellor. His positive comments were really hard to take at first but it was nice to talk to someone about all the things I couldn't share with family and friends. Honestly because you couldn't commit, perhaps your heart was telling you things weren't right? Its hard to understand or analyse or form clear intelligible thoughts in the midst of depression, thats why I think its a good idea to deal with that first. I kept a diary, an ugly murky green one because thats how I felt. I wrote down all my ugly thoughts about myself, the world - every poor person who upset me. And after a while I felt I was starting to understand myself. Self destructive emotionally, is another way I treated myself. This could be why you wouldn't allow yourself to enjoy or commit although you do feel you strongly 'love' him. I firmly believe in letting yourself feel the down time for as long as it takes to get it out of your system but on the other hand we are masters of our own destiny. It takes guts to realise you have to change yourself, but if you can look at yourself in the mirror and feel comfortable in your own skin then its worth it. He seems to be settling with this other woman, sounds like the easiest way out of being lonely. If he doesn't truly love her, it is a cowardly action and it will eventually fall apart. Perhaps he's doing it to force you to action, or even to hurt you. Whatever the case you should you work out whats the best thing for you, and deal with it.

Well, it depends if I'm really feeling the guy. Let me tell you about how my ex got me! We were sharing a bench but facing each other and enjoying the summer night, joking... and drinking. Anyway at some point I laughed so hard I spilt some drink (boy that man could make me laugh) and I jokingly said "Oh, how are you going to slide over here now" and he said "if you want me come here", and I was like "no I don't think so, you're coming over here", anyways after a little more back and forth he grabbed my thighs and pulled me towards him and so in 2 seconds I was sitting on his lap and it was like his presense overtook me, and from that point forward I wasn't playing anymore and fell for him big time. If a guy I wasn't totally into tried that I would have gone into attack mode so be sure she's not playing and good luck!

So I'm guessing he initiated the break up? When things feel apart for me and my ex 4 years ago, it tore me apart. I actually assumed our male friends where on his side and was quite stand-offish about it all. I now look back and feel sorry about it. Honestly, I think guys see the real story more than girls sometimes, they probably feel for you more than you realise. After I moved away I spoke to my ex on the phone I said how when we were packing up our flat, he was like joking and all his mates were there and he didn't realise how much it hurt me, to me I was packing up my dreams and happiness in being with him. He was just coping he said, and later I heard from friends and family, mates he went to pieces. And they stood up for me, that really touches me. So just be yourself around his mates, and if they choose to be pigs (I doubt it) well then obviously its a good thing your not with that guy coz he's turned them. Thats my thoughts on the matter, and don't worry if you do get back together it will take your relationship to a more intimate level and if not you will get there someday with somebody - and it will be worth the wait. Peace!

Just wanted to say I just found out a guy I had a crush on is after my sister, so I know how hard it is. I've decided to get over him as soon as I can, although it still hurts. Thats all, I got no spirit in me at the moment to offer advice, but hope it works out for you.

Last night I thought I'd ask his friend if he thought he liked my sister. And he told me: "He's already asked your sister out but she didn't seem interested". Well it was like a stab to the heart. But the more I think about it the more I think that she really didn't know what he was asking. On the other hand perhaps she's known all along and didn't tell me, no I really don't think she'd keep it from me. So then I got to thinking that all this time when I thought we were digging each other he was probably only doing it to make her jealous. And by her cutting remarks she's showing its been working. So the next time he attempts to sit on my lap I'm going to rip into him and say something like "Excuse me, I'm not a toy to be played with, you want to flirt go and find ***"or something like that. Now I just have the task of purging all my feelings for him and not being too snappy when he's around. The punk! I hate the thought that I'm going to feel like an idiot at their wedding, coz she's already told me she wants me to be her bridesmaid! But I'm pretty sure no one knows whats going through my head, except you's and me. I had a restless sleep with all this going through my head, and have the heart pain that comes with being hurt. I'm such an idiot

Yes I was thinking that last night, perhaps he see's different things he likes in both of us. We grew up together, so I think he's not sure what he's doing to me. I really don't think he has an idea I'm feeling this way. Everyone just assumes he'll be with my sis coz they get along well and are about the same age. I was thinking coz he's so young perhaps he's playing with his sexuality, or appeal - if you know what I mean? The point is - I gotta stop letting him get to me. But I must ask, what do you mean by "especially since your sister doesn't think much of it"?, please explain.

Umm, read your whole story. Yea, sounds like she's playing you a little. Perhaps your coming on to strong, perhaps she knows she's in control and wants to play a little. Basically according to me, you have two options, tell her she's driving you crazy, you're really into her and want to take it as far as she is willing to go, coz u don't want to waste wat time u's have together left" or control yourself, like take it back a few levels and see what she does, be like joking, playful with her like "Hey, I'm ready, willing and able - when you are"sorta thing, that sounds lame now but you know what I mean, make a game of it too. My opinion tis all, hope it helps

Me again, same problem.. if you remember. I really like perhaps love a guy who is like 6 years younger than me. But he's been giving serious vibes to my sister who is a year older than him. Sometimes he looks into my eyes and I swear I see something, its like he really touches me. Honestly, I've been getting quite jealous because he and my sister were as usual sitting together, laughing, and whispering and I couldn't help feeling jealous. I think I kept it under wraps but was a bit standoffish to him. He went all quiet. But when we tease him for my sister he's like "Like I'd do that for her" or whatever. He gave her a back rub the other night after I'd paid for one that afternoon and she was like "You sucker, Ï got one for 45 mins for free" I didn't know what to say but he looked quite ashamed. And then last night he like sat on my lap and wanted to play fight a little. He always like values my opinion and listens when I speak, but I wonder if I'm just like the big sister to the girl he likes. Theres this other male friend of mine who is always the real gentleman to me so I'm extra nice to him. And we were standing kind of close to each other and looking at something and he came in and stood right between us and like a kind of smile came to his face, I thought that was cute. And once we were at the movies and he said before he left he said "If I come back and an asian guy (I love asian men - very sexy) is sitting in my seat, I'll be very annoyed!", and I was like "Where did that come from"? So when he and my sis are doin their flirting thing I hate it! I keep remembering this one time when he like looked bowled over by this dress my sister was wearing, and said twice to me "**** looks really nice tonight", back then it didn't bother me but now it plagues me. But then when he first saw a shorter haircut I had once, he looked the same way?" Another thing, whenever he's around my sister is always really nasty about putting me down really quickly, I talk to her about it later and she belittles me and blows it off. If there was any truth in what she was saying I wouldn't mind but she says I do stuff I just don't do. Can someone please tell me how to lock all this away from my mind. My sisters happiness is very important to me, I don't want to make a move on him at all. I truly believe that I can find another, but am really caught in all this, I'm going crazy, how can I tell if it me or her?..without asking? And ultimately turn this off - has anyone else been in this situation and successfully overcome their feelings?

I love personality tests too. I visited that site and they were pretty different and accurate. Other sites are link removed link removed. I especially love the mood analysis test in colorgenics - I do it regularly. Hope you like these. Cheers, K*

Well firstly, I don't know what to do?, but this is what I think- you could be picking up on a mutual attraction. I'd be scoping if I were you, like ask her "whats on your horizon, any love interests" sorta thing - if shes got any insight she will know why your asking and hint back to what you need to do. If you've got the balls, and are sure you want her - ask her straight out. Some time out may be required to weigh up which one you want. A list of positives and negatives for both may sound mundane but has helped me in the past. Whatever you do - please don't do anything until your sure. Its not fair if you do. Hope this helps - from a fellow ozzie 8)

Actually my sister and I had a good chat last night about him- so I listened to you without realising it. Um, she wants me to tell her what to think. She really has no idea at all that I like him as she does. Last night she told me that he has liked rubbed her arm and touched her abit unnecessarily, like definitely more than friends and she always feels him watching her. - It became quite apparent to me that in a year or two she will be in his arms. Its saddens me immensely - but if I had one ounce of self control I wouldn't be in this predicament. You know if there were any men my age that I liked around I don't think I'd be in this situation, its loneliness and desperation. *Sigh*