Vanishing Girl

Mom, I've been wanting to call you the last two days like crazy. First, to tell you the funny things A did at the beach and the discoveries I made about Auntie. I wonder if you already knew though. Second, I wanted to ask you questions only you can confirm or deny. It felt sad and warm to spend time in the places (and with the people) you loved most, and where we spent together. I'm sorry I took you for granted. You and Bowie in same year. Both 69. What a pity! Thanks for your presence at the beach and for pushing me to go past my comfort zone. It felt lovely swimming in the salty waves. Until we meet again, Your Mom's pip squeak

You're #3 in our group of 6 to die and it was just a year ago you lost your sister (and one of my best friends since I was just a girl). I can't help but think you set out to destroy yourself (at a quickened rate especially) after she passed. You were my first love. I felt so loved and cared for and held gently....You treated me right at first, but jail changed you. And when HE was no longer there to protect me you didn't care what you took from me or how. You hurt me. I agonized over you for 2 years after that. Just 5 months after my Mom left this earth and I am sitting here sobbing at your death. Because of our other friends who also took their life with heroin. Because I'm leaving the place we called our hometown right now with my own son. And because it's also where I spent the best times of my life with Mom. You make me remember all that pain and pleasure. I hope you're at peace. I know tomorrow morning when I wake up to warm snuggles and kisses and "yay you're awake, I love you Mommy" it's going to put a smile on my face and affection and gratitude in my heart.

She does seem to appear to live up to that from what i can tell, but I also realize my own perception plays into that (and I'm finding my perception to be a little twisted lately), so i am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and yet stay away......if that makes sense, LOL

Another bit of info: the person in my family whom she married was doing nothing so to speak with his life before meeting her, and since they've been married he's gone back to school, gained a career, and traveled more parts of the world than most would have the chance in their lifetime. So, to me it seems that maybe she is a healthy narcissist?

I was actually going to post what a family member has posted about themselves on their myspace page to see what you guys think of it in terms of "can someone like this be healthy"? This post seems like a good place to put it: egocentric, self absorbed, not loyal, not generous, only concerned about those close to them, prone to bitterness, can ignore the rights of others, narcissist, meglomaniac, competitive, controlling, needs to have the upper hand in relationships, vain, materialistic, values indivuality over loyalty, not afraid of conflict, would pursue a career that was harmful to others, believes the benefits of freedom outweigh the benefits of attachment, does not value organized religion, does not like to admit making mistakes, quick tempered, not traditional, tactless, blunt, suspicious, makes enemies, wants to be famous, prefers technical careers (law, engineering, medicine), prefers instant gratification, attracted to prestige, manipulative, influenced more by self than others, decisive I noticed after hanging out with her that i always felt bad about myself and she would constantly point out faults within my family, which helped to make me dislike her. Another bit of info: she has on their "more to love" when she's skinny as a rail. She seems to have no close friendships, however she is married and seems to have a "normal" (whatever that is) relationship within the marriage. Is this all possible to live normally and happily and still be the way she describes herself????

I've read all your posts and i really think he is a cheater. Getting mad at you over "hotpockets"....give me a break! I know when i was cheating (and i've seen many others do the same thing) i would pick fights over stupid things~anything to cause a fight and make me feel justified in what i was doing. The comment about "since she is not ok with it" (from the other post) really is what struck me as the most obvious evidence. Especially if it was a forward, which would prove he DID send it to her. This is only my opinion of course.