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whes

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  1. heartbreaking and beautifully genuine... thank you for this, Dagless.
  2. the festering sore has finally healed a bit. It is now a scab, and I am picking you off my skin little by little. You'll be gone soon.
  3. Dear James, I'm not going to feel embarrassed for loving you for so long after we broke up. I'm not going to think that caring so deeply about someone who didn't love me as a weakness. Just because we didn't fit doesn't mean that I should feel stupid. Loving is not a weakness. In fact, it's one of my greatest strengths. You won't be receiving it from me, because you found someone who complements you a lot better than I ever did, despite our amazing physical chemistry. I hope you find happiness with Sarah. Love whes.
  4. Neither of us ever really said anything about it, but both of us had been dumped by long-term partners only a few weeks before and were not ready for anything so soon. But there was this quiet sort of comfort that existed between us, and a pull. Sometimes he'd say something about his ex or me about mine and we'd just sit there holding hands or each other. It wouldn't have worked if it had been anyone else.
  5. I re-read this and I had a relationship that was exactly that, as well. It was never really defined, but we were together. We were both rebounds, but provided the other with the most intimate and comforting of company. It was exactly what we needed at the time, no more, no less. Simple and kind of beautiful, actually. And when we were healed, we moved on. No drama.
  6. I've gotten to the point where thoughts about my ex are expected and normal. It's been almost two years since we were actually together, yet the memories are still so vivid and immediate. 90, I'm the same way in that it doesn't really bother me at all. It used to. And I used to worry that I'd always have this love floating around making me miserable, but it doesn't make me sad anymore. I've kind of gotten used to him (or his ghost) always being there. Maybe I'll wake up one day to find him gone, but for now I'll just enjoy his memory.
  7. The Shack, by William Paul Young. I know it's a book about God, but it is truly an amazing discussion on love and on the nature of human life. I'm not religious, but I found it to be an incredibly inspiration book that really strikes a chord deeply in my sense of humanity and the way the world should work.
  8. succinct, but poignant. This describes so perfectly the mood of trying to get over someone.
  9. .......................This ................. unforgiving ......................cello .............. of mine will not ..................... speak ..................... in its .......................rich, .....................earthy ......................voice ...................... if I ..................... come ...................... to it ......... in anger, selfishness, or .....arrogance. My cello is my teacher, ... requiring patience, love, and passion .....of me before it will sing. Its voice is ......more familiar to me than my own, ......and these strings have been under ........... my rough fingers for far, ............. far longer than I can .............. remember. I spoke .............with the music of this ........ instrument long before I ever ....used words, and even now after the ... hundreds of words that I have read or ..spoken, the things that I can say when I draw my bow accross the strings is far more .eloquent than anything I could ever speak ..or write of myself. My cello has a voice ..that sings alone in the darkness, crying .out its joy when there is no other comfort ....in the world. If I could not play, then ............ I would have no voice. .........................My ....................... cello ......................... is .........................my ..........................h ..........................e ..........................a ......................... r ..........................t
  10. that is lovely. Thank you for sharing
  11. It's now been three weeks since he broke it off. I had one day of sadness before I moved on. I just started calling all of my friends and enjoying seeing them again. I didn't stay at home that first week and worked a lot of extra hours. The second week I began to wonder how I was handling it all so well. Where was the heartache and the constant misery? I definitely felt that the first night, but that misery was not even so bad as when he was in the hospital. It was an accepting misery of sorts. This third week has been the one where I am starting to relapse, as I panic slightly as I realize I really am letting him go. I love him, but he needs time to heal after his accident and find his strength in himself, not in me. Will he come back to me? I don't know. Will his feelings change again and this time towards rather than away from me? I haven't spoken with him at all, contacted him or anything, and i have not heard from him. I haven't cried since the first night, and my days have been light and happy, despite my loneliness. It is very strange. I only truly miss him when I am happy. And even then it isn't a heavy sadness. I feel like perhaps my feelings for him weren't as strong as I thought, because I am scarily accepting of it all.
  12. I saw him drive by with some friends today and it really made me angry. I don't even know why, because I was with a friend as well and was having a perfectly good time. It almost ruined the rest of the day, but I ran it off. How can he affect me still, after so long?? It's almost unbelievable what I'll put myself through for him.
  13. Day.. I'm not going to count. I have to see you at karate, but I only speak to you in reply if you ask me a question. It's not easy to see you and to not wait or look for you afterwards, when we used to wait and talk and walk together. I am proud to say that I haven't waited for you or 'accidentally' run into you on the way out or stalled for time just so that I could talk to you for a couple minutes, even though every time I do my heart still flutters a bit. It's getting easier because I've realized a few things. I've realized that I deserve better than you. I deserve someone who can see more than just my looks or my body, who can see the strength and beauty and diversity that is my soul, and someone who will actively appreciate all of it and not just wait for it to come to them. I will not feed your ego. It is strong enough on its own without my help or my devotion. Do you know the song by Nat King Cole, 'There Goes My Heart'? Well, you'll be singing it when you realize that I've moved on and that I won't be baited any longer by your cute dorkiness, your intelligence, your dedication, your caring nature, your companionship or your beauty. I'll feel the tug, undoubtedly, but I won't be responding to it. And the strength of that tug'll grow less and less and less. I hate letting go because it means giving up, and that's what my parents did and in particular my mother when they got divorced. She/they just gave up. I don't ever want to just give up without a fight, so I hold on for far to long to things that I know in my heart to be not so good. I want what my grandparents have: 55+ years of marriage, still in love. I have a picture of them taking their daily nap: they are lying on their sides, my grandfather curled into my grandmother's back, his arm draped over her side, their hands linked. Every day. You are not doing it for me. You are not doing anything for me. You never call, you never email, you never make the effort to do anything, and I am worth it. I am worth every second of your day and I am sorry you failed to realize what you could have had in me. Maybe you don't know it yet, but your heart is gone.
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