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Rockchick26

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  1. I cared about you more than you are probably thinking right now. I cared about you because you made me laugh, you didn't pressure me into sex, we usually got along good, you thought of me and bought me snacks that you knew I loved, you took me on the best dates, you gave me sudden kisses on the cheek out of nowhere, you were the best cuddler, you messaged me many times a day, and I cared about you because no one else did. I so badly wanted you to feel loved, I so badly wanted to give you hope that your life will be a happy one. I knew how much I made your life better, so I cared about you even though you were 18 years younger than me. I cared about you even though we had very different values, goals, interests, hobbies, and lifestyles. I cared about you even though you rarely listened to my responses, you just wanted someone to talk at. I cared about you even though you rarely showed an interest in my past, my childhood, my life before you, or any part of my life that didn't pertain to you. As time went on, the bad outweighed the good for me. There was still good, of course, but the bad got more unbearable. Our differences got more unbearable. I wanted you to see that these differences always kept our relationship from moving forward like you wanted it to. I didn't want to hurt you by making your world come crashing down in one instant. My first and primary thought was that I didn't want to hurt you. But you seemed ok with us being so different. Maybe when you're around my age you will know it takes more than love to keep people happy in a relationship. I was unsure of how to go about ending our relationship. I expressed this feeling to a friend on Facebook in a place where I thought my thoughts were safe. But a stranger screenshotted my comment and sent it to you in a private message, and at first I thought you shouldn't be surprised since we already talked about this. But maybe you didn't realize how much these doubts were eating away at me. When you ended it, only a small part of me was relieved. The bigger part of me was crushed just knowing that you were in worse pain than I was. I feel intense pain at just the thought of you in pain. Should I have ended it months ago? Should I have ended it before it even started? I don't think so. Because I am glad you got to have this experience even for a short time, and I am glad I was able to give it to you. You can have this again only even better with someone who is a better fit for you. And I as well. And for the love of God, in your next relationship, PLEASE listen to her when she talks. Please respond to her and not just turn the conversation back to yourself. Please ask questions about her life and not just dominate every conversation with yours. And I hope you find someone who is a better fit for you because they ARE out there. You are young, you have way more time left than I do. Don't lose hope. I will be happier just knowing you are happier. I just wish I had a way of knowing. I really hope someday you can contact me again. If not, I will always care about you in my heart.
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