yllany

dear dream, i noticed you used the term 'lesbian' 'bi' is another possibility. or perhaps *neither* one of them. the 'infatuation' theory may be right. (although infatuations are more the explanation for teen-years attractions to other girls, than for those in the 20's) anyways, too early to tell IMHO. as someone said, u need to take ur time in exploring your feelings and exploring your pal's. (besides of really seeing how you feel about men, not just about your (current?) b/f) even if you are feeling that maybe you are bi, or even les, u have to be careful not to mess up your relationship with whom it may be your best pal in this world. if you do a revealing to her w/o exploring how she feels about stuff (love/sex) with other girls, she may freak out if she is very uptight about that side of life, and it may be hard to get her back to be your total & trusting friend. if she is not open to same-sex stuff, hopefully she would at least understand, and just hug you and tell you that everything is ok, that she is still your friend. even if she is open to those things, she may not wish to explore them with you... if in some weeks from now you still find that you are very sexually attracted to her, you may find that you also are attracted to other women. then, u may want to play safe with your pal, and do an exploration with another woman instead. and see how you feel about that. there are some who would say, "let's hope it's just a phase" and put a lid on it, & go on, burying the feelings and the facts, of perhaps being bi or even les. only to regret it years later. so, don't play the ostrich game. go out and find out. part of this involves/affects knowing/setting your priotities in life. luckily, most careers are not impacted by a 'diferent' choice of sexual orientation, as much as it used to be. if you want children badly (meaning in the future), being bi or les makes it a bit more difficult to have a 'traditional relationship' leading to that. you would eventually have to disclose your sexuality to your male partner, if you are going to have an honest relationship. or choose living a lie for many years. of course, there are other ways to have a family... whatever, don't lie to yself now. 24 is just about the perfect age to find out who is the real you, what really makes u tick, and where u want to go. (at least for the next 10 years of your life.) (many people change throughout life. everyone should to a re-evaluation of goals & priorities every 5 or 10 years. and analize and integrate how they have changed, emotionally and spiritually ) deep inside of us are the roots for the forces that drive us in life. our sexuality is closely tied to survival of the species and our essential need to feel loved. that neuronal/hormonal engine that makes us horny for men (or women or both) is pretty complex in humans, though. somehow, we are capable of being attracted to our same sex. the conservative side of society wishes it were not that way. tough cookies. anyways, yeah, explore yourself, your relationship to men, and explore your pal. and other women too. take your time in this. and whatever you come up with, it will be right, even if perhaps filled with risk, because it will be living *your* life and not 'just living'. and then it will be time to act on your decisions. and if u are being true to u, the outcome will be beautiful and right, one way or the other. here are a couple of quotings/paraphrasings... "know thyself" -- If Socrates could have used a-bit-more-flamboyant language, maybe many more people would have much better lives. "most happy lives are achieved only thru some great mistakes and many right decisions" "it's better to have loved and lost, than to not have loved at all" "in life we will regret more the things we did not do, than the things we did do wrong" "nothing risked, nothing gained" "those who let fear freeze them in time, will find that time leaves them behind, to forever ponder their 'what if...'s" --- yllany BTW, i like your signature !

Am a female. I started at 11 and (unless being in a realationship) have done it about once per day ever since. My record is 5 times in a single day. Sometimes I have done it, more because I was depressed or anxious, than because of being horny. I think that is probably not unusual... As for 'trying to do it more often on a regular basis', I would say, just go with Nature. Not everyone has the same sexual drive (or overdrive). And it can be dangerous: some people get obssessed end up trying unsafe things like chemical stimulants, or 'erotic lotions' applied to the organs. In the long run --used for sex with a partner or in solo-- those things have deleterious effects. And some people have damaged their penis/clitoris by overuse/abuse during solo (not talking about sex with partners). It seems like a remote possibility, but after all, they are just human tissues, and although designed to withstand a lot of 'wear and tear', too much can be too much. [the male organ itself is much more complex than what it seems] Considering that our genitals have to be one of our main sources of joy pretty much until 'check out time' (or so I hope for myself !), it is wise to keep that in mind. In the meantime, Happy Solo to ya !

Well, I got these references in the mail. ----------------------------------------------- About males from a site called: link removed Posting: I tend to masturbate by just kneeling on the floor and then collapsing my body onto my legs, and then I just thrust my pelvis until I ejaculate. I have tried to use my hand, but I can never ejaculate that way. What should I do? Answer: It's pretty common for males not to be able to get an orgasm with their hands if they've grown accustomed to a hands-free method. It's not a big deal, but if you really want to learn to do it with your hand, I'd recommend holding off masturbating until you just can't stand it anymore, and then go at it. Follow the directions in "../howto/ht.html" , especially the paragraph titled "../howto/ht3.html" "But I can't ejaculate." Good luck! ----------------------------------------------- About females From: link removed Thigh squeezing Some women can achieve sexual pleasure -- even orgasm -- by simply squeezing or rubbing their thighs together, thus indirectly stimulating the clitoris. This technique can even be used in public! Without risk as there is nothing to show what you are doing and you can remain fully dressed! Long bus ride? Boring desk job or classroom? No problem! Suggestions for getting started: When masturbating at home, make it a habit to press together your thighs when you orgasm. After that becomes second-nature, press your thighs when you can't stop yourself from having an orgasm (but haven't yet), and then pull your hands away -- leave it up to your legs to ride yourself over the top. You're bound to have a few frustrating flameouts, but the practice is worth it. Eventually, with the help of fantasy and association, you'll be able to proceed using only your thighs from earlier and earlier in the masturbation process. Some women seem to prefer "riding the seam" of jeans; others like the greater closeness of hose or bare legs under a skirt or dress. Experiment to find what works for you. -------------------------------------------------- So it seems, it is possible that others (females) have experienced/done this... As for males, it is not clear if the guy above was able to rub his "thing" against his thighs, as he was 'collapsed onto his legs'. Even then, it would count since I believe I had posted that thighs were allowed. Perhaps some people may have thought so far that I was just fantazising or re-living some "wet dreams" I had had, but these references are there for anyone to check... - yllany

Yeah ! Kegels -- I guess I was doing a combo of those together with the rocking of my hips. Of course at that age I had never heard of them. It was just a natural discovery for me. I am such 'natural perv' -- even at age 12 --although I never told anyone about my differents sort of 'play'-- my girlfriends started to call me the equivalent of "Solo Queen" or "Perv Jane" . The worst was the one they made up mixing a nasty slang term with my last name. I was terrified my mom would find out about that. The family name soiled in such a horrible way ! And all because of my constant search for new ways... I don't know how is that they knew... Oh well, out to the bars. It is good I don't have to worry about what mom will say anymore... ha ha -- yllany

Well, I must admit that a couple of times, if I was with my girlfriends and was winter, I would fake feeling cold, and put my coat around me. Then I would let it 'slide down', and slip a hand down there and rub a little bit... --by the time I got do all that though, the sex scene had switched to a police chase or something like that ! But unless it was a totally quiet or sad scene, I would sometimes proceed to the finish.. 8) Of course that was not what the topic was about, but I cant help talking about these things... (perv) -- yllany

wow, Babes, that is one I never even came close too !

Thanks, but alas, I "had" the gift. Now that I am older, it doesnt happen anymore. Anyways, to be clear, I only got to do that maybe a dozen times, over a period of years. It wasnt a "regular" thing... I would get that feeling of becoming an "about-to-do-it-in-public nympho" only from time to time, and only if I wasnt in a relationship... (even if it was just a 'kissing & petting' one) Strangely, it was always when I was not home, at school, shopping, at work... or just hanging out with friends. Then, I would try to go home asap, bent on doing it that way... And it wasnt that easy to get to do it. I had to find the house empty of humans. Even then, when I was living at my home I had to deal with our pampered cokker spaniels: Everytime I came home they wanted to be with me. (not easy to do such a 'naughty' thing with the canines looking at me, wondering perhaps if I was getting ready to throw up dog-style or something... ) (and if I put them outside, they would scratch doors or bark to no end) And when I was living with relatives I usually had to share a room, and there was the constant come and go, and stereos and phone calls... So, many times I just had to seek relief by using one of my "less exotic" tricks... --yllany

When I was a teen, some days, if I was really, really horny, I could 'get to the station' while on all fours, just by rocking my pelvis --slowly but with force-- and tightly squeezing my sphincters. The orgasm were really good. Sure it could take me a while, but... look ma ! no hands ! Wonder if any reader, female or male, has had a similar experience ? I mean getting off without any touching or rubbing against anything. (thighs are ok -- if they were your own ! -- the female advantage ! 8) ) (sorry, pushing or rubbing against bed, chair, or anything else, does not qualify ) -- yllany

well, i did a some research a while ago about startup ages. and the earliest one to come out was at 3-4 years old... temptedflirt, i guess you hold the record ! -- yllany

i have been masturbating (unless in a relationship with good sex) almost daily since i was 12 (and that was quite a while ago). my girlfriends started talking about it when i was 10. but could not feel anything -- even if i tried what they told me to try. then when i was 11, while i was in the bathroom, i felt hot down there for the first time, for no reason at all. i tried rubbing things, and wow, one the universes's deepest mysteries was soon revealed to me. in less than a a a minute of fingering, i orgasmed for my first time... what a delicious thing. it felt like my whole body was being pulled up by my pubis. suddenly, i was standing up and my pelvis was jerking forward over and over. (no wonder they call it "jerk off") instant addiction: had to start doing it every day... i never again have had the deepness or heightened level of orgasmic delight as in my first months or year of finger exercise. and i have gotten off (by myself and with partners) *real good* since that first year, but just different feelings. then again, if all orgasms were the same, it may not be as much fun... as for girls in general, i know now that some start pretty early. 4, 5, 6... but i also think that some of my pals of when i was age 10 were lying, just trying to be cool. probably 2 or 3 were having orgasms, some others probably were able to experience pleasure, but the rest... heck, i lied too -- told them that 'it was working for me', when actually i was getting far more pleasure from scratching my behind than from endlessly rubbing my front (in frantic desperation, fearing i was frigid or something) now, on the other hand, IMHO, and from what i have reading at boards like this, not every woman has an easy time with masturbation. although times have changed, there are still some with the hangups of yesterday. and some may just not be able to experience much pleasure or to orgasm. it may be emotional trauma, or just the way there were born. i guess most of them can be helped by especialists. but yeah, i bet the great majority of teenage girls are 'going at it' regularly... 0X -- yllany

What about a fessing-up regarding getting caught by family/friends/teachers while playing with one self ? I guess few things can be as embarrassing -- but perhaps fun to look back on ? or perhaps not ? I think as for embarrasment, this is a pretty good one: I was in my early 20's and living at home. One late night I managed to make (with string and tape) a strap for my vibe. After a good vaseline coating, I turned my toy on, and --buck naked and with the lights on-- salaciously inserted it into my rectum. Then, after adjusting the strap to my waist and turning the setting to 'high', I started to hump my pillow. (my design was pretty clever: as I buckled to and fro, the thing would go in and out) 8) I could not help watching myself in the bed-side mirror. I found the bizarreness very arousing ! And then, just as I was about to go into utter nirvana, my very catholic mother (whose bat hearing might have detected a buzzing) opens the door (which I had failed to properly lock !)... --------------- I would rather not recall any more of that night(mare), but since some readers might be left wondering: I must have felt a draft, because I turned my head, just in time to see a stone-like face turning as she closed the door. Nothing was said until months later, when it was being rumored within the extended family that one of my close friends and I had become 'very close pals'. (it was true ) When word got to mom, she barked something like: "yes, that hypocrite, sin-filled doll-from-satan [sic] must have corrupted her , because she has taught her to do 'some very strange things' !"

certainly the advice about checking with a doc is a good one. it cannot hurt (NPI it is possible that she may have a strong hymen that gets in the way. (one of my best friends had a hymen that seemed made out of kevlar --it was so tough). anyways, as someone already said, forcing things inside an anxious vagina is not the way for most begginers... best way for most, IMHO, is to go for the clitoris or its neighborhood... if uncledave's detailed prescription and the sexy stories don't get her there, why not try vibs... *on* the vulva. *not* in the vagina... (the following is from a similar posting's response of mine) i had a friend with a similar 'situation' as yours. i recommended to her to get a good quality 'toy' via reputable and discreet web places like link removed (or link removed) They have been around for a long time and ship in boxes with no outside description of what is inside... may reach them over the phone probably, to double-check on privacy issues. and there are others in the net -- any google search for "sex toys" will work. just have to choose one of the companies who have been around for a while. they like to keep their reputation by selling only things that work well and last. they usually have on-line catalogs, and if they are a good company, they can also ship you a printed catalog. anyways, my friend got regular vib for starters. she was getting good results in no time. as for myself, i can do it with my hands, but i *love* to do it with a vib working on my mound. also, what really sends me up sky-high, is to have a butt-plug vibbing my a..., and then do my clitty with the long vib. to try the plugs, start with a small one, for easy entry, and using good lube. i hope this helps. gotta be bold... cheers ! -- yllany

there is nothing abnormal about that. all sorts of different things happen to different people, and what one sees in movies or reads in books (about love and romance) are usually "idealized" experiences. one of my male cousins (like a brother to me) had sex for the first time at age 12 (in a one-year relationship), and yet he never kissed or necked with the 15-year old girl. he just did not know how to... too young in his particular case to 'feel' the need for 'closeness'... how she felt, i do not know... after that relationship, he did not have sex with anyone. when he was 15 he was freaked out about not having kissed a girl ! so, he asked a girl whom he knew (he also knew that she was crazy about him) and they went out to a hillside one evening and kissed and necked a bit. after that, he was okay. they repeated the date-necking a couple of times and that was it. he never kissed again until he fell in love (with someone else) at 18. so, anyways, that is the story. he perhaps was a bit cruel in that he 'used' that girl at 15 just to get over his 'not kissed' complex. on the other hand, she at least got to kiss him (don't they say that it is better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all ?) my recommendation to you is that there is no need to rush things. it will happen on its own. but if you really overworry, get help from one of your girlfriends. she could set you up with someone whom you may like. just keep this in mind: when you kiss or let someone kiss you, make sure he is a nice person, who deserves that very first kiss of yours. as for the rest (heavy petting that easily turns into unplanned sex), with all the STD's around, better wait if you can. older boys are more likely to agree to not go too far without a mutual showing of STD's tests. it is not the ultimate in romance, and seldom seen in the movies or TV, but it is the thing to do, if you wish to preserve your reproductive health. i myself, am not a prude or a saint, but i would rather go without than to date anyone who is not willing to test. cheers ! -- yllany

hi silvanesti ! i had a friend with a similar 'situation' as yours. i recommended to her to get a good quality 'toy' via reputable and discreet web places like link removed (or link removed) They have been around for a long time and ship in boxes with no outside description of what is inside... you may reach them over the phone probably, to double-check on privacy issues. and there are others in the net -- any google search for "sex toys" will work. just have to choose one of the companies who have been around for a while. they like to keep their reputation by selling only things that work well and last. they usually have on-line catalogs, and if they are a good company, they can also ship you a printed catalog. anyways, my friend got regular vib for starters. she was getting good results in no time. as for myself, i can do it with my hands, but i *love* to use a vib too . also, what really sends me up sky-high, is to have a butt-plug vibbing my a... , and then do my clitty with the long vib. if you try the plugs, start with a small one, for easy entry (if you have not have tried any thing like that before) i hope this helps. gotta be bold... cheers ! -- yllany