devast

Finally, I got my closure (I hope)... I am badly hurt, but I am pretty much confident now to just look forward and move on... Well its not that I actually saw my ex with another guy... But she told me she's going out on a date... When she told me that I sent her an email, implying that she can't have me back if ever she realize one day that this guy is worse than me or realize she still really loves me... Then the following day she called me and by the way she talks...its like she's trying to justify why she's doing what she's doing, and she's confused... But to me... she can only be confused if this guy is showing her something for her to be confused... I think she's having a feeling for this guy now... so she sound disorganized about her actual feelings... that's it.... That's my closure... But I feel better... Coz now its way forward... no hopes... and no turning back...

Getting the right woman…have faces… my experience… Most of the not blessed with beauty women have different ways to impress man. But its just funny that they are so insecure about themselves that when you get to know them or try to be friends with them, sometimes you will think how can she be unfortunate with beauty and at the same time have a rude or not so good attitude…What good can you have with her? Its like you’re just trying to be nice with them but they back-off or push-away…I can elaborate but its quite too long.. The averagely blessed with beauty women, most of the time, they have great sex appeal. (my views, ok) They have confidence when they are out there, feels like Americas Next Top Model. But, beware, they are insecure when they see “real beauties” near them or near their boyfriend. When you loose constant care or whatever that makes them comfortable with you, they can be attracted easily to other guys, especially the gorgeous ones. Funny thing is they get challenged with gorgeous guys who have lots of girlfriends. Its like their bound to compete with the other girlfriends and if you’re their boyfriend, oh man, you’re in trouble. Its like they want to be the most beautiful woman, that they wouldn’t mind being just another man’s girlfriend as long as they are among the beauties that this womanizer have. They will gamble and they would be very demanding and insecure, and try to get rid of all the other beauties to make them feel they’re the most beautiful woman on earth. But what’s great about them is they are really good in bed. Coz its another way that they can drive the womanizer crazy, so they do it really good. The “real beauties”, well they are very confident about themselves and they don’t care about what others think. They’re beautiful, and they know it. They don’t have to compete with other woman for some gorgeous womanizer. Coz they can sweep gorgeous womanizer to their feet and beg for mercy. But, if you’re the boyfriend and you mess up, then its your lose cause a lot of guys are just waiting for you to mess up. Real beauties are more focused on you anywhere you go. You don’t have to worry that she will be attracted with other guys when she said she loves you. You just have to worry about yourself, not to mess up. But this beauties are not really good in bed coz their just beautiful that its awkward for them to be wild in bed like a * * * * *. And for me, its like they’re so beautiful that you treat them like a princess in bed you want to go slowly and gently and just feel the bliss and even just look at her beauty. Well, all this are just my experience and what I learned from my past relationships. I don’t want to offend someone who doesn’t agree. I am not saying this applies to all women. But for me, I would conclude, that I would rather have the most beautiful woman to marry.

I just want to share to you all..I found myself a new partner!!!!! Yes a new partner.... "GOD" BUt I feel ashamed coz most of the time I only ask of Him when I am so sad, lonely and all so down... And it always makes me cry... Eversince, I can't sing any "songs of Praise" without crying and reflecting all my negative past... Coz its just a fact that most of us now only calls to Him when we feel so weak and nobody else can help us... I just feel shamed of myself.. But I want to make it up with Him.. So I was out in a mall last Sunday, I passed through a Glad SOunds.. A Store that sells Christian things... I found... "Steven Curtis Chapman" - Greatest Hits (I didn't know this guy until that Sunday) And since then it makes me cry but this tears makes me strong and stops me from thinking about my ex.. Stops me from wondering if she'll ever come back but rather gives me the realization that there is "More to this Life" (one of the songs)... Now I really believe that "His Strength is Perfect" (another song)... For I feel His strength whenever I feel so weak.. I just hope all you weary people should try it... I hope it works on you too.. THanks guys for being here for me... I might be hanging out lesser now than the past weeks... But all of you guys had been great.... THank you all so much.. This is "The Great Adventure"...

Aaaaarrrrggghhhh... All the posts i did about getting stronger and healing suggested otherwise with this... Or... is it? Well, I just sent her an email telling her How sad I am to think she chose to work-out forgetting about us and everything we had rather than working-out our differences... Well I know it will not matter to her... I told her this in the email too.. I also told her I just don't have a choice but to move on and forget about us too... I told her I know I will see the light one day coz I am pretty sure Time heals wounds.. The letter was just for me to take it off my chest though I know it won't matter or she may not read it...Just something for me to get a closure fast.. To admit to myself she's not really coming back after this letter..If I don't hear anymore from her...Like I don't I want to hear from her.. (Confusing HuH, pls. bear with me) And It also occurred to me that she might mess up with what she's doing... Going out late... She is not used to this lifestyle.. She have less experience with this lifestyle..She's a late bloomer with being in a "material world" something like that.. I am just worried... And am definitely afraid to hear her cry because someone would just play on her... I know she's none of my business anymore... I just thought if I just tell her this she will realize the risk of what she's doing... Coz she's the kind who "don't like being told".. But in the end she's still does what she's told especially if it was really a good thing for her... She just don't want to think that what she's doing was not really her idea... But anyway even if she don't listen to it right now she will realize it later... I am just warning her on that email too... But I am not expecting her to respond or come right back to me.. If she don't come back I just hope she doesn't mess up in the end just to realize that what she's doing now is not helping her... But guys I tried my best not to use loud words... Vulgar words that might annoy her...I tried to use wholesome words... used my experience on the "material world"... Anyway i think it will not upset her very much.. And I felt better for myself after doing that.. It released some loads inside my heart...Though I am a little worried she may really not coma back to me... Anyway this time that I have told her that already... I am starting my NC... All over again... But this time.. "strictly"... Only during emergencies... Oh man... Tell me "I messed up" and now I really don't have to hope she's ever coming back..

I agree thanks... I am sorry guys I was kinda "off topic"... Its just hard for me to think that she might come back only because she had been hurt or heartbroken by another to realize ours was worth-it... ok... What am I now? Wanting to make things right... to live with a happy marriage... but hopefully to my ex... I am just kinda tired of trial and error... Our issues are just workable... She just chose to back-out than working things out...

They say "its good to die fighting"...AAAAHHHHH.... Coz I have been a dumper before... I truly believed I didn't think back about the ex i dumped... I moved-on with my happiness found a new woman who made me realize my life and whether I did good in my past realizations only because I have been dumped and I am hurting with a lot of Qs which needs closure...Just like now...

Reading through this thread made me think... I can't just go NC totally... I have to guide her thoughts to her realization... I really want her back but I am not getting any closure whether she is coming back or not... The way I see it... She's the kind who have moved on with her life by going each night late.. staying up late so she wouldn't think about me or us....So she's not getting her own point of breaking-up with me..."needs time"..."needs a rest"..."maybe someday we will still be what we hoped for before, married"... I Have learned a lot of realization and I sure want to do the right things and what it takes to make our relationship...perfect... But if I am not going to guide her with a little contact... I really am not going to get her back... Chances are she has to get dumped first before she realizes what we have or will have if she was just ready to work-out herself...

Yeah so am I... "saving my best for last"... Earlier, I just thought of sending her an email where I am trying to guide her thoughts to our situation right now... Saying how sad it is to think other people work-out so hard to stay together coping with alcoholism, drug addiction..etc (worse issues than our issue which was just about attitude conflict).. But we are working-out so hard to move on and maybe forget about the love that we used/still have... But...I didn't send it... Coz I thought... When I was the one who broke-up with my other exes long ago... They just can't do anything about me to realize and change my mind... So I thought... I'll just wait and see if she realizes it by herself... If she does...I'll give my best for the last shot... If she don't...then its not worth it.. "just as I expected"..

I totally agree on this... I may not know all the legal rights in your country but I am pretty sure the restraining order on you doesn't leave you no right to live and stay where you are now... You still have rights... laws and rights are suppose to justify equality... So I am pretty sure she can't follow you anywhere to drive you away because of the restraining order... Seek legal advice man... though this may not be her intentions... but she also cannot choose to live somewhere within the restricted range if you are already living on that area or within that restricted range from her...

Yeah... If she just have tons of PRIDE/EGO on her and she just rather cut her arm than apologizing or at least try to make an effort to change a bit of herself and work things out... WE can't have someone like that in our lives... So I thought of writing her an email today but I certainly will not send it for it will really not matter to her if she doesn't really want to come back or she just have too much Pride... So I thought of just writing it in here... just to get it off my chest.. Its funny what I have just realized we broke up for matters that is so workable and reconcileable... To think that... So many couples around the world are seeing counselors and doing therapies to work-out and cope up with alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, compulsive lier, compulsive cheater, abusive behaviour and so many different issues worse than what we broke-up for just to make themselves inseparable... I thought.. How can we be Working-out by making ouselves busy the whole-day... and go out every night until we feel very sleepy to go home and directly go to bed just to forget everything...working-out to forget the happiness, the prescious moments and the love we have shared for more than 2 years... working-out trying to forget what we used to say and even sing "I wanna grow old with you".... Surely we will succeed on what we are trying to achieve... Forget about the feelings for each other... I am doing well now on this and I am pretty sure you are too... I just think Its just funny and just silly... What do you think guys?

Gracelove... What you posted brings me fear right now.... Coz my recent ex wouldn't really have second thoughts on coming back to me if she's the kind of woman you are describing... I kinda feel she's someone who just wants to hear appreciations.. no contradictions to what she thinks and wants... I did the opposite coz I tried to make her know what is her negative side... Oh no!!!! well anyway if this is right... I ain't gonna be needing her back right? So... Crimson... Do you still want your ex back? Forget it man...be thankful your out of her life... It will be so very painful if you're married to her..

The point of NC im to heal yourself... Are you healed? are you ready to see your ex? readiness means you expect nothing in return from your ex when you break NC and contact your ex... Otherwise, stay with NC... "No expectations, No frustrations"...

So it means you are the one who broke it off for what you think is the right reason?Correct me if I'm wrong... So you want him to realize his issues by himself...So maybe you told him... "we need some time apart..." So you did NC... What if he respected your decision and he is really working out on his issues by himself, just afraid to come to you, since you were the one who broke if off and maybe he is thinking that no matter what he do to beg you if you don't want him anymore, what he's doing is nothing to you... Aren't you going to find out if he's working out his issues and if he want you to be together again and work it out? Afterall you are the one who broke it up... i am sorry for this comment but this is my confusion about... Who would act first if both are in NC and respects each others grieving and loss...I am in the dumpee, wanting to come back and work things out, side. I am asking you coz you sound just like my ex... Check out this thread "Both in ENA, doing the same thing..So what now?" under the GETTING BACK TOGETHER forum..They said its the person who started the idea of "the needing some time and space" thing who does the move to find out if their dumpee would still want to work things out and get back together...

I had an ex like that... long ago...different from my recent ex...cheated me first time still forgave her and took her back... cheated on me second time put her out of my life...The reason I took her back first time is that i believe "I really loved her" and I can change her coz she just needed me (co I thought it was kinda my fault I wasn't paying her much attention)...But when she did it second time I thought she needs help psychologically... I can help her maybe someday when I don't hate her for what she did to me.. its been 8 years, I guess, we have some contacts on/off.. but I really can feel that she haven't changed a bit... attention seeker... insecure.. can't say anything without mixing it with a lie (big/small).. Sometimes when I talk to her (I lost all my feelings for her this time), I would say "you haven't changed"...sometimes "i don't understand you anymore right now, you talk fast and goes from one topic to another and so disorganised"...Honestly, all this 8 years she had begged to come back to me so many times... And I always say "NO"... coz I don't see her ever realized what she was doing...I Even suggested her this website recently, but she seemed not interested... This kind of people mostly had lack of attention during childhood.. especially at home... Woman like this needed their fathers or brothers love and attention when they were child... They didn't get it so they try to find it from others...if you failed to show it constantly to them..they'll try find it from another.. If they don't realize it by themselves... You don't need them.. they will just hurt you again and again... You can't be a hero and think you can change them if they can't seem to understand what they are doing...

How about "PRIDE/EGO"? What if the dumper just have tons of this in her brains that she may not want to look she's taking the dumping, that she did, back?