macgyver4ever

+4 months I doubt many of you remember me on the NC Challenge, but it was very hard for me. It took me 2 months, and 3-4 tries to finally complete it. Not talking to her wasn't that hard for me, because she treated me so poorly, and had changed into a person I no longer wanted to know. It's 4 months of no contact later ( almost 6 months since the break up) and things are a little better. We were together for 4 years, so I am still not 100% healed. I am still suffering from the shock and pain from the betrayal, and trying to learn as much as I can from this along the way. Things have changed. I no longer Hate my ex, or the guy she is with. I'm still very hurt by what happened, but am trying to come to terms and accept that the decision she made was hers. I wonder if the girl I fell in love with ever came back, or what she has turned into. I've had no contact with her, her family, or any of her friends in the time. I miss her family more than anything, and hope they are well. Near the end of the relationship, I was closer to them than she was, which caused a rift between us. So I know many of you are still questioning if NC is right for you. I feel I did the right thing for myself, and for her, but not sure if it was right for our relationship. I many ways I feel like I gave up on it, but honestly at the time our relationship was a lost cause. It was causing me more pain and stress than I could bear, and I needed to end it. My ex is probably still with this other guy, and even if she wasn't. she would probably not call me because of shame, guilt, and stubbornness. I may contact her, relieve the air of tension and anger that seems to be over our past, and see how everyone is doing. The ball is in my court, in my control, and I can contact her when I am ready and willing to put myself through any pain it may cause. Focus on yourself, and on the new and wonderful future you all will have. It's an exciting, yet scary road to travel, but it will get better. Take Care.

So when someone "acts out" like this what do you do. I'm def not waiting around, but is this sometime I forgive in time? I want to forgive her, but I don't think I can let her back into my life. Not after this. Should I? I wish it was as simple as a fear of commitment or intimacy. She had a lot of issues by then end, and just ran from them. We went to relationship counseling, and it ended up turning into counseling just for her. She said she would go back on her own, but I know she never will. That is the only way I could ever think of having her in my life again; if she got help. She's also one of the people that easily falls to peer pressure, and is VERY immature. She has a lot of growing up to do, and I can't be around for it. Too bad she had to hurt me, and cheat on me to do this. I could have forgiven her a lot easier if she wouldn't have been so selfish.

You are right about her not taking time for herself. Even during the break up when she needed to spend some time alone to figure out who she wanted to be with, she refused to be alone. She would go out drinking 3-4 times a week (or more) and spend every waking moment with him. She told me that she couldn't spend time to herself, because the thought of what she was losing (giving up) was too much. She said her mind was telling her to stay with me but her heart said to go with him. The whole exciting newness thing. He offered her the big city, parties, and a new life, while I offered the future of family, comfort, etc. I've missed her and her family a lot lately. They were really good to me, and were my family. When my ex started cheating, she dropped everyone from her life except her friends and this boy. She would not return my or her parents phone calls, and when she did she was short and angry. She was very disrespectful to us, and lost her parents trust. Her father had a heart attack early on in the break up, and after he got home from the hospital, she went out drinking and was gone for 4 straight days instead of taking care of her father. She didn't even call to check on him. Her parents also needed help with some bills so that they could save their house, and instead of helping with a little money, she moved out so she did not have to help. By then end, her parents had more respect for me, because I treated them right, and once my Ex realized this, she said I could no longer talk to them. It's all very sad.

Ramsickle, That is probably the most emotional, most incredible post I have ever read. Hearing your story I see how it happened, and understand. You handled it as well as could be hoped, and I applaud you. It only takes one straw the break the camels back, and the other guy gave you what you needed. I wish I could say I treated my ex badly, even for a second. We had a small personality difference, and after 4 years, things had gotten stale. The new guy gave her an escape, and new life, and the freedom she desired. I resent her for doing it because she didn't do it like you did. She ended things right away like you, but took me back and stay with me while seeing him for 3 months. Then after I broke up with her after finding out, she strung me along for 2 more months making me think up until the last day, that things were doing to work out with us. Tell me the whole time how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, and she was confused. She put no effort into us, while i gave everything in my heart. Honestly, if I felt I treated my ex wrong, I could honestly say she did the right thing. There was something missing in our relationship, something very small but noticeable. It really wasn't something to end a 4 year relationship over, and I am finding out that the something missing was on her end, not mine. I don't blame her for that, but I blame her for how she treated me, my family, and her own.

I understand what you are saying, and I know if I was in the same position I would probably feel the same. I see why it all happened, and I understand. I don't forgive her yet, but I get that she was depressed, felt guilty around me, and this guy made her feel happy. I have a BIG problem with the OP because he knew she was in a 4 year relationship, and pushed and pushed until it broke. He was the reason we didn't work, not us. She told me that if he wasn't around, she would stay with me with no problem. He just made her feel special, which will wear off. I would have been happy to have spent the rest of my life with her, but now spending time away I see I could do better, and I have. It took me losing her to realize what I had, in more ways than one. I can clearly see the good and the bad, and the recent actions will leave a lasting effect. Oh yeah, rebounds are dangerous. I guess that was the topic, right?

DAY 60 Bet you all would have never expected me to make it this far. Me either. This is the magical "She-Tox" day, so hopefully tomorrow I will feel like $100. I've been in a relationship with a new girl now for over a month. It is long distance, intense, and amazing. She's the cutest, sweetest, most incredible person I have ever met. More than I could ever dream of. She treats me better than my ex ever did, and "gets" me. I still miss my ex at times, but its more about missing someone to love, and do things with. She did me wrong, and when I really see her for what she was, she was a cute girl with not a lot of substance. She was a like a can of soda; fun, makes you feel good, but not a lot to it really. I am kinda expecting to hear from her in the next month or so. The honeymoon will be over, and the excitement ending. I treated her like gold, and at some point so will see that too. This means nothing to me and if anything I am dreading the prospect of talking to her, because I do not want to feel for her. I don't like pain, and that is all she is to me right now. I want to thank you all for your help when I was a regular here. Time does heal, and NC is the best answer. It helps you think more clearly, and see things for how they are. Your ex will come down off the pedestal, and soon you will replace them as the most important thing in your life. Take Care, and if anyone has any questions; Shoot.

Ramsickle, What you have written makes a lot of sense, and is very true. The problem I have with it is trying to have sympathy for the "dumper" in love with two people. Dating multiple people is ok at the beginning, but after several years of a committed relationship, you're not supposed to be looking anymore. I know pretty much everyone who was in the situation says "I wasn't looking, it just happened." F That. You nlet the other person effect you. You didn't say NO, and that's what someone does when they are in a committed relationship, and if suddenly you decided you aren't in a committed relationship. then just get out. Its that simple. Don't cheat! Even if, after several years, your jumps ship and starts something right away, it is a rebound. Lets pretend they had been thinking about this for months, well how many of us, after a few months, are still not ready for a new relationship. Pretty much all of us. So not only is it a rebound (which don't work out too often) it is an affair (which has even slimmer odds.) So if this got everyone's hopes up, don't let it. Will they come back, Maybe. Will you want take them back, Probably not. You will have moved on or gained the strength to realize you do not need someone like that in your life. Things happen for a reason, and things sort themselves out. It hurts like hell, but in the end we will all find happiness.

Congrats SuperCal! We did it!!! Make sure to celebrate this weekend. This is our time!!!

DAY 30 I made it. I really did. Mr Mac made it to 30 days without talking to the girl he wanted to marry. How did I pull it off you ask? Here's my journey. First attempt was 17 days. I had to call her to cancel her cell phone line because she was using all of my minutes talking to her new boyfriend. I handled the conversation well, but the aftermath was painful. Breaking NC does dig up old wounds, no matter how well it goes. Take people's advice, and don't do it. Second attempt lasted 17 days. I lost my job, and she called to see if I was ok. I didn't answer, but felt it was the "nice" thing to return her call since she was trying to be nice. Same result, good conversation, and a lot of old0 pain. Third attempt was around 19 days or so. I forget. I returned all of her stuff that was laying around to her parents house so I could "Let Go of Hope" and when I got home there was a nasty email from her telling me I had no right to talk to her parent without her permission. I eventually wrote back to soothe my guilt and anxiety. I was in severe pain after this, because this was when I finally accepted it was over, and should be. And today, I complete the challenge. It was not easy for me, but not as hard as many have it. My ex treated me like garbage, and for most of the length of the challenge I had no urge to call her except to yell. I'm still upset at her, and the things she did I would not accept from a friend or family member. I do not want her in my life as she is, but still deeply care and love this girl. The last 7 days of the challenge have been good. I met the most amazing girl ever. She completely blows my ex out of the water, and I sincerely hope to spend the rest of my life knowing this girl. I've never felt so happy, so alive, and so loved. I know the dangers of getting into something too fast, and too intense. The brighter the fire, the quicker it burns. The 1000 miles between us should help, and the fact that we both are communicating very well, and being honest means that we have a fighting chance. I want to thank everyone for their help. Without all of you I would never had made it, and I will remember all of you for the rest of my life. I would like to thank, 1forthegipper, blender, ThisIsHorrible, HockeyBoy, Paplazarou, Nappy, Caro, SuperDave, Boston23, Cyprian, PacoPaco, and all of the others who have touched my lives the last 2.5 months. No contact hurts, but is the quickest and easiest way to get over someone, no matter how serious or long your relationship lasted. That does not mean it is the right thing for everyone, but for most this is the route to go. Make sure you leave it all on the table, that they know how you feel and move on. Life is too short to love one that is not loving you. Hopefully you will still see me from time to time, but my next mission of NC involves ENA. I need to completely stop using my "crutches" and walk on my own. That does not mean a bad day, or a good day won't bring me back, but right now it is best to try to spend my time on myself, not reflecting my pain on here. And chances are I might be that guy who has his ex (the one he wanted back for months and months) try to come back and I say "NO". Love has helped me off this path of despair; love for myself. Love yourself, and watch the good thinks come into your life. Take Care, all of you. Today I feel: Relieved, Confident, Proud, Happy, Excited, Enthusiastic, and NOT ALONE.

Nope. No you won't. We've all been through this. You probably will not care by that time, and what message are flowers sending. "Hey, I'm not moving on and am not over you" A strong person like yourself doesn't want to show that. You have MONTHS to think about this, so don't plan on anything. I planned, and then felt like I failed because I did not follow through. Make plans for yourself. This summer will be great. You're single and there is an amazing world to explore. Focus on yourself, and not what you might do for your ex in 4 months. I doubt your new girlfriend will like it if you sent you ex flowers!!!

DAY 29 I felt great yesterday. I few low point where I missed my ex, but for the most part I have been well. p_fred, you are probably right. Talking 3-4 hours on the phone each night is too much, but I've never felt anything like this. At least we cannot be physical in any way, which helps slow things down, and I can already feel the emotions wearing down a bit. I'm going to be busy this weekend, and have plans to hang out with friends again. I want to take it slow, even though things have gone very fast to this point. Hopefully we can talk about it soon. Being out will prevent me from talking to her much for the next few days. I also need to get on a regular sleeping schedule. Today I feel: Tired, Happy, Confident, Determined, and 1 day away!!!

Day 28 Things are still great. This new girl is simply amazing. She's more than I could have ever asked for in a woman, and more. As hard as it is to not meet her, and hold her in my arms for another 3 months, I know it is for the best. If she was here with me now, things would be going WAY, WAY too fast. 1000 miles and a 3 hour times difference helps to slow things up a bit. Ex who? Today I feel: Great!!!

This is my forth try to make it to 30 days. It's been over 2.5 months since we broke up. It's been hard. I feel great when I'm talking to this new girl, but when I'm not, like right now, I feel low, and miss my ex. I don't expect this to change for a long time. Stay strong, and know it will get better with time. It really is true.

Day 26 (Yesterday) OMG! That girl I met is amazing. We talked over 20 hours over the weekend, and cannot get enough of each other. Yesterday was my last day at the freelance job. I had to take the train exactly when she did to and from work. It sucked but I didn't see her. I went out with some friend last night, and talked on the phone with my new girl for 4 hours. It was amazing. Day 27 I spoke with my new girl ALL day so far. 3.5 hours. She's everything I have ever wanted. We make each other so happy. I'm scared, but love every moment of it. I feel like I will make up from the dream, and have nothing. But I will. I will always have this wonderful few days that we have shared, and I can only pray that this joy can last forever. Today I feel: Confident, Excited, Optimistic, Scared, and "In Love"

Day 25 Wow!!!!!!! So that girl that I was talking about yesterday, that I talked to for 6 hours online, I talked to her for another 3 hours yesterday, and then 2 hours on the phone. She is amazing. We have so much in common. I simply adore her to no end, and she feels the same about me. It's the craziest, and most unbelievable thing I have ever experienced. Instead of getting to know her, it feels like we are just catching up. I have NEVER felt so fully accepted, wanted, and appreciated for who I really am, and every little part about me. I feel like crying because I am so happy. For the first time in nearly 6 months, I am looking forward to the future, especially a future without my ex. Even if things don't work out with this new girl, simply knowing that there is someone out that this amazing, this accepting, makes me know that things will be ok. I'm a GREAT person, and a girl would be crazy not to want me to be part of the lives. That means my ex was crazy. Today I feel: Uplifted, amazing, confident, determined, excited, overwhelmed, HAPPY, and Blown Away.