Katelyn55655

I too think you did the right thing. You are taking care of yourself and there's nothing more important than that right now. Just remember that grieving is a process which includes anger and tears as well as remembering the good times and longing for what you've lost. People tend to 'forget' why they broke up and the things that are wrong with the relationship when they're in the longing and happy memories phase. To help yourself get through that it's helpful to write a list of all the things you love about him and all the things that you don't like about him. Write down why you continue to break up and how it makes you feel. Once it's in written text it's harder to deny reality. In the end, reading what you wrote and taking a stand for your own mental and physical health will help you get through this. Hugs.

Most relationships not destined to go anywhere end during that first three months. It's painful to go through. In your case I'd listen to what he is saying to you both verbally and nonverbally. If he is distancing himself from you it is you he is distancing himself from, so you should take it personally and do a little distancing yourself. Don't you deserve better treatment than what he's dishing out? Since we females tend to get more emotionally attached to men we are having sex with, now would be a good time to ask yourself if you could honestly be happy with a guy who wants you "for sex and for hanging out" only... no commitments, nothing more. Unfortunately it's common for men to hang with a woman (especially a woman who is 'putting out') until something else comes along that spikes their interest. If you stop making yourself so sexually available to him you'll start feeling better about you, and you'll know where you are in the relationship. Since he didn't initiate the bar visit, why was he there anyway? Maybe he felt that you somehow ruined his plans, whatever they were. Unless something drastic happens on his end, from what you wrote, I guess this relationship doesn't have much of a future. Better to face the music now rather than drag it on. After all, you deserve to be with a guy who wants to be with you. It shouldn't be this difficult.

Capricorn, I can relate. I've been in a relationship now for 1 1/2 years too. Too bad longevity doesn't always mean much. You are hurting right now. It took me over a year to recover from my last break-up. I bought lots of self-help books and they were wonderfu. In order to recover and fully heal you have to allow yourself to go through all 5 main stages of grieving: denial, anger, despair, depression and finally, acceptance. Mixed in with all those can be feelings of longing, yearning, gratitude, envy, and love. I'm here 'cause it feels like things are up in the air with my guy. Just last week he said to me (after I said something that made him mad), "That's why I could never marry you!" It hurt. I asked him if that's really how he feels. I want to get married again some day and if he already knows he'd never marry me I'd rather know now, even though going through a break-up sucks in a big way. We went to the beach for the weekend and had a good time but I feel myself holding back. Relationships are hard! I love him so much. I guess in time things work out one way or another. If he's the guy for me it will happen and if not, it won't. Just wish relationships came with some sort of guarantee!!

I haven't been on this website in over a year. I'm in a healthy relationship now but we're having some issues right now and bottom line is, my guy has never married nor had a serious long-term relationship. Lately I feel him pulling away so I'm going through some feelings of loss and mourning even though we haven't broken up and it doesn't feel like we will any time soon. I'm just not sure he could ever get married and ultimately, that's what I want to do again some day. So now you're wondering why I'm writing. Here's the deal. Some people suggest that NC means more than just not communicating. It means getting rid of everything and anything that reminds you of your ex. I think that's pretty extreem and most people can't do it but in my last relationship it helped. I put all his memoribilia in a pile, had a little grieving party, cried my eyes out, then got rid of it all. Burned it up. Keeping things around is a way of maintaining contact . Here's the other thing. In order to grieve and completely heal you must allow yourself to go through all 5 of the main stages and most of the side stages of grieving. The main stages are denial, anger, despair, denial, and finally, acceptance. The side stages include things like gratitude, longing (the worst), and feeling the love you once felt. Running away from your feelings only prolongs the feelings. So where ever you are in the process is fine. They say, just don't get bogged down too long in any one stage. Somehow, reading your posts is comforting right now.

Hello Abby... I decided to respond for two reasons...first, I am a mom (my son is 17) who has recently been treated for depression. To get to your question, "Should I tell my mom how her depression is effecting me"...I'd say yes, tell her...or simply talk about how you feel with her. My son didn't need to say anything. I couldn't stand being depressed so I was self-driven to do something about it. However, watching my son worry over my behavior and actions made me even more determined to take care of it. Regardless of what your mom does, counseling would probably be beneficial to you. Simply understanding that your mom is going to be how she is regardless of how you feel about it would ease your feelings of responsibility. If you can just accept her as she is, good and bad, it would be easier for you. Second....my father, like your mother, battles depression and refuses to recognize he has a problem. I have talked and talked with him about it but it's like talking to a brick wall. So to deal with his issues I went to counseling, and I've have had to adopt the thought ..."that's how dad is" because there is nothing else I can do. Hang in there Abby. You can only do so much and bottom line is, your mom has to take care of herself and you have to take care of you.

JSHRN - take it from a girl's side...human beings avoid confrontation...it's not limited to the female half of the population. She IS telling you something...it's a cold hearted and mean (cowardly?) way to end the relationship, but that's what she has done. Every human being has the right to end their relationships. Feelings change. When she told you she loved you she probably meant it. But for whatever reason, those feelings changed at some point. If you want to start feeling better about it you must accept her rejection and move on. What point would there be to try and have the last word? As long as you attempt to contact her in any way she will continue 'running' away. By the way, she isn't hurting you any longer...you are hurting yourself by refusing to let go. Let go and get over her. It's time to pick up the pieces and move on. You deserve someone who wants to be with you.

Check out "link removed" It's a wonderful site for women who are trying to get over their relationships. I agree with the other replies. Your best bet is to let go of this guy. He probably does love you as a friend, but that love is causing too much heartake and grief for you, and above all it's delaying the healing process. Stop beating yourself up too. Some relationships are more difficult to get over than others. But any relationship can be gotten over if you take the steps to make it happen. Just be patient and know "this too shall pass."

OMG...his name isn't ROB is it? My experience with musicians is that they can be very selfish and self-centered. Why are you paying for dinner and extras, etc. Where is his comission and gig money going? Towards pot? alcohol? He can contribute financially too. Search your soul and pay attention to your reactions and feelings. If things with him consistently feel wrong then they probably are. If they feel mostly feel right then enjoy the ride.

Hi Reborn. I think it's always best to say stuff like that on the phone or in person. You seem uncertain about your decision. There is a wonderful website called "link removed" which is dedicated to women like you who are involved in or trying to get out of unhealthy relationships. Rhonda is a psychologist. She has a book out called 'Don't Call That Man.' I think if you visited her website and read some of the messages other women have posted in addition to Rhonda's posts, you'd get a better feel for what you need to do next. And more than that, you'll have the comfort of knowing you are not alone!! If you decide not to check it out ask youself this...why do you want to hang on to a man you KNOW FOR CERTAIN doesn't want you? If you probe into your feelings you'll find the answer you're seeking. The rest is just the rest.

Yes. Lay low and chill. There would be no point in asking her if she's rebounding because she probably doesn't know all of her feelings right now anyway. She probably doesn't have specific intentions at this time. Sometimes fear drives people into and out of relationships. Sometimes people just realize they made a mistake. The list is endless! I'd trust your gut instincts where she is concerned. Since she seems a bit confused and you don't want to get hurt, backing off but still being in the picture (to a lesser degree) is the best bet. If she wants you in time she'll send out signals and you'll feel her interest. If she doesn't and all you feel is a chill, you'll know it's time to sever ties and move on. It all takes time so chill and be patient.

Choose life. Choose life because no feeling lasts forever. You are mirred down in 'infant time' right now....meaning you can only see and feel what's happening right now. If you allow yourself to feel your pain and work through it, in time it won't hurt so much and you'll be glad to be alive. Besides, your family and friends love you and there is nothing more painful than to lose a family member or friend to suicide and wonder if there was anything that could have been done to prevent it. Sometimes you might wonder if you really do make an impact in the world and if anyone would miss you if you died. Try to understand that you have touched lives and will continue to touch lives as long as you live. Taking with a trusted friend, therapist, or counselor would help you get your feelings out in the open. Sometimes just saying how you feel out loud to another human being eases the pain. Please just hang in there and know that how you feel right now isn't going to last forever.

When I was a teenager I knew my parents loved me but I also had 3 or 4 other adults that I thought of as 'parents.' It's sad that your mom is being so weird and not being much of a mom to you. It's rejecting behavior and she's hurting you. It's OK to love her and at the same time realize she isn't acting in your best interest. If Nancy can take care of you then she seems like the best option. If you reported your mom for neglect then you might be put in foster care and most likely it wouldn't be with someone who you love and who is familiar. It's good you have people to turn to. Some day your mom might look back and realize what's she's done. For now you still need responsible and caring adults in your life so it's good you still have a solid support system available to you. I hope everything works out for the best.

I agree with Ragamuffin. You should move on if that's how you feel. The best way to break up is face to face but that's also the hardest. She may cry and carry on and even try to manipulate you into not breaking up so say it quick and walk away. Other alternatives are over the phone (2nd best), and email if you don't feel you can do it any other way. She will recover. You don't have to be totally honest when breaking up. It's OK to soften the blow. Most people come up with explanations that they feel will be better tolerated than the whole truth.

You sound normal. I too feel like crying sometimes and have a hard time but I've learned how to make it happen. Crying is healthy. It's not a sign of weakness or an inability to face issues. So I still love a good cry! Always will. Scientists have proven that crying releases a hormone that makes people start to feel better, and that hormone can only be released by crying. Have you tried playing sad songs or songs that you associate with sad memories? Both my son and I cry when we play selections 6 and 7 from the "City of Angels" soundtrack. Another good trick is to imagine something really sad happening, and imagine feeling what it would be like if the fantasy were real. Like if you found your boyfriend or best friend dead, or you came home and found your pet had died or was seriously injured.

Lick and suck on her nipples and while you're sucking, make eye contact sometimes. Smile and ask her if she likes it. Relax. You'll figure out what to do. Sex, like most other activities, just takes practice.