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audrey28

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audrey28 last won the day on June 7 2008

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  1. audrey28
    Thought this is funny: Don’t cry bec it’s over, smile bec it happened and he didn’t get you pregnant. On second thought, though, you’d probably kind of like that to happen on some level.
  2. audrey28
    I’m sad and I miss you. It was good while it lasted, wasn’t it?
  3. audrey28
    Hey. I feel awkward reaching out to you bec, well, you seem to have just disappeared. I’m not angry but it was confusing. I thought we had at least open lines of communication. Not sure what’s going on but whatever it is, I hope you’re fine. Be well.
  4. audrey28
    panda2008, i hope so too....it's just difficult thinking that everything i ever planned is not coming true anymore
  5. audrey28
    hi panda2008. let's use our anger to our benefit.....it's tough huh....we're both on day 3. sigh.....
  6. audrey28
    day 3- i woke up feeling a lot better than yesterday (i cried my heart out yday). the reality is not sinking in yet....that this may really be over. i am still angry and hurt at what he did and how he made no attempt to apologize.....i cannot even begin to imagine how i will tell people that my plans...our plans....may not push through. more than anything, the pain is just overwhelming....i am just taking it literally minute by minute.....i feel lucky i have a job so at least i'm not focusing on this heartbreak every waking second.
  7. audrey28
    cr44hill....we're on the same page....very tempted....it's my day 2 as well...
  8. audrey28
    day 1 of nc background: we had a fight and i wanted to clear my mind....i got a very cold response. i need to do nc to reflect on this relationship. i feel i have done my part and if this were to work, he has to take the initiative. i feel i have done a lot of the heavy lifting already. i feel terrible....very insecure, full of fear. i am terribly afraid of being alone, of the prospect of being single, having to tell everyone that our plans will not push through...thought of people's pitying looks is unbearable.....but i need to be in a relationship for the right reasons....i need to be respected and listened to and valued and appreciated. someone who does not want to listen to how i feel does not deserve me. i'm a catch and i should not put up with this. i feel like crying and apart from this forum, i don't really want to tell anyone else how i am feeling right now.
  9. audrey28
    i feel somewhat ashamed of being back here again. the first time i found this forum, i did NC for like a month....then the bf and i got back together. things were better in some ways but the fundamental problems were still there. now we have broken up again....NC for a few weeks and then back to talking to each other regularly. i think i am still in denial...a part of me still wants us to get back together but i am realizing things about myself...my co-dependent behaviors, the pattern in this relationship and my family background...and i just don't want to set myself up for failure anymore. with that said, i recommit myself to NC. i hope to have the strength to follow through, to conquer my fears, to just feel the pain when it creeps up, and to heal the damages that were done. it's not going to be easy but i must let go.
  10. audrey28
    start of day 5 for me he is still on my mind a lot. i check my email constantly...hoping that i would get an email from him. i miss him very very much and i am having a really hard time accepting that it's over. i have to remind myself of the reasons why i am better off (he was not there for me when i needed him most, he made me feel not only unappreciated but stupid when i help him out with favors etc, he did not make me feel that our relationship was a "team effort, i was the one who always initiated apologies even if he was the one who did something wrong...). i also have to remind myself that when we were still in a relationship, i wanted out but just didn't have the courage to face my fears. i am going to be traveling i a few days so hopefully that will help. i am seriously depressed and i find life pointless right now. every minute just seems so damn long. i feel so alone in my suffering. i torment myself with thoughts that he is moving on happily... yesterday was better because i hung out with a few friends. but even then, at the back of my mind, i'm still consumed by thoughts of him.... i just wish i can suddenly wake up and realize i no longer feel the need to have him in my life.
  11. audrey28
    day 3 for me of NC....it's been tough..... i feel very restless and lonely. when i'm home, i can't wait to leave the house. when i'm out, i can't wait to go home thinking crying would give me some relief. i realize i may be co-dependent...addicted to relationships that do not meet my basic needs..... i am online most of the time because i somehow want to see his name light up on messenger.....even though i know he has already blocked me....i know bec i received an email from him a few days ago....he appeared offline even as i just received his email. i am feeling very desperate and alone in this world. i know i have to deal with the loneliness...but it is quite hard....
  12. audrey28
    start of day 22.... time flies. i am feeling ok about things. however, i had a friend who got into a snowboarding accident. went to the hospital, saw all the sick people, and now i'm feeling that life is really short....and rethinking the past relationship.... i guess i am ok and moving on (somewhat). at the same time, i am getting more and more unsure of how i feel now about the ex....
  13. audrey28
    i feel the same way...there is a part of me that hopes i an be with my ex again... for me though, i know it's not going to work.....and i am thinking now that i am actually addicted to this relationship more than anything else....i've always known the problems, yet i carried on for the temporary relief the relationship offered. a lot of what i'm feeling right now is loneliness....the feeling that i am all alone in this world.
  14. audrey28
    Day 17: I am starting to notice a pattern. I wake up feeling good about things, and experience the "lows" when I get triggers (e.g. getting an email from his friend). i am anxious about night times because this is the time of the day we used to spend together. i've been going out everynight and just changing my routine....i am thinking of the small advantages of being alone (as opposed to being with him) such as having my place exactly the way i want it, having my dvd collection alphabetized, having a smoke-free environment etc etc. boston23: yes, i am definitely reflecting on my life right now...decisions i've made, the future etc. fortunately for me, things are looking up career-wise. i am getting leads/invitations for better opportunities and i feel that these are things i can readily explore. looking back, i realize that i was sacrificing other options for the sake of the relationship...that maybe i didn't even consider the possibility of relocating because there was another person to think about. tijuanajones, i actually got a bold haircut hahahaha!
  15. audrey28
    start of day 15 for me. the weekend was generally good. i find that there are times of the day it's actually quite easy, and other times of the day when i get restless and really want to call him. i go so far as to think i should "cheat" the challenge and no one will really know anyway. i just deal with it by putting things into perspective. so far, the "one minute at a time" mentality has worked wonders. good luck everyone and hang in there!
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