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Ladydragonflagg

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  1. My husband and I have been together for 6 years, married for 2 of those years. We have a 6 month old son together. I am having such a hard time right now. He doesnt respect me and has told me so. He says that I am mean, and that he feel like he has to walk on egg shells around me. This is not a new thing in our relationship, we both seem to have this problem. He is an extremely moody person, always has been, his mother is the same way. Every night when he comes home from work he is in a bad mood. I always have to be the cheery one, the one that says "how was your day honey? are you hungry, ill make you somethign to eat, do you need anything...etc..etc" He will come up to me while I am washing dishes or if I am sitting in the bedroom and start a conversation with me, and right when I think things are good and that we are finally talking and having a good time, he walks away, usually when I am in the middle of a sentance. Like he said what he wanted and he has better things to do than listen to my voice. I ask "where are you going", he will say, "to go play video games" or "to do something on the computer",and I will say, "I was in the middle of a sentance", and he changes his story, to, "I was just going to get some water, i was coming right back"...I am not an idiot, he just said to me he was going to play video games. He blames me for all the problems in our relationship, tells me that I am mean. Well, we only really fight about one thing. We never ever have sex. we havent had sex since my son was conceived, thats almost 16 months. And this was a problem before my son was conceived, before that it was once every 4 months tops, and only if I initiated. If he had a low sex drive, then fine, I would understand that, but I know that he regularly looks at porn and um...satisfies himself on a regular basis, I walk in on it all the time. He will think I am sleeping and I will go and get a drink of water and see him at the computer, looking at some news website with his pants around his ankles, fooling no one! Again I am not stupid! I wouldnt mind if he looked at porn if at least once in a while he was with me, and not the computer. I have contemplated divorce several times, but I just cant bring myself to give up. We always said that we marry forever, like the old couples, we fight and we get over it and this is the only time we will get married... I cant give up because my son is only 6 months old. I am just figuring out how to be a parent, I cant be a parent alone. And to be honest, I do love him, and I cant imagine my life without him. He is the one that I am supposed to grow old with. what do you think? Counceling? self help books? I have talked to him about our relationship again and again and he seems to think that everything that he does is my fault, that his actions are my problem and that he doenst have to change, i just have to be less emotional about things, how do i get through to him?
  2. I can totally feel you pain, when I was a little older than you, but not by much, I had the same problem. I had a pregnancy scare, and thats how my mom found out I was having sex. She actaully told me that if I had asked her to go on the pill she would have taken me to get it. So a few months after that, I took up a lot of courage to sit and ask her to go on the pill, and she said NO, that I was too young to be having sex, even though she knew that I was. What did I do? I told her, well, I dont need your permission to have sex, and you can not watch me 24/7. And I will do it anyway. But I am trying to be responsible about it and does she really want me to get pregnant. At that point she finally realized that I was trying to be responsible for my own actions and said yes, and i was on the pill the next week. But keep in mind that birth control and condoms and all that are not 100% effective agains pregnancy and sexually transmitted deseases. I always tell young girls when asking me for advice on this subject, keep in mind that no matter when you have sex, birth control pill, condom, whatever there is always a chance that a baby will come of it. I have seen too many people, even ones in their 20s that have had sex thinking that they were protected only to become parents 9 months later. Always always always use a condom, on the pill or not. And if the guy wont use one then he obviously does not care about yours or his well being and is being selfish. As a woman, I always held the beleif in my head..Sex is not an option without a condom. believe it, and live by it.
  3. If I look back at my teenage years, my mom would do that too, but the reason for it wasnt that she didnt trust me, it was because most kids at 14 start pulling away from their parents, and become more private. Its the first jump into trying to become independent and is an important developmental milestone for most kids. Maybe she does it because she just wants to get to know you better. Maybe at this stage in your life she feels like you are growing apart. Try sitting down and talking to her about your day at school or the boy you have a crush on. Im sure she will love the one on one time with you, and I bet if she feels like she already knows the whole story she may stop the snooping.
  4. I agree, I bet if you said to them, hey before I go off to college I'd like for us to have a weekend together, I bet they would really enjoy knowing that you dont feel like you are too old to spend vacations with them.
  5. I really think that if you are that uncomfortable talking to your dad about it you should have an intermediary between you, and who is the best person for that roll in your family? Probably your mother. I dont think that a grown man looking at porn is wrong, it happens a lot. Many husbands look at online porn, but hiding it from their wives should not happen, because that is making it into something wrong. You mentioned that you KNOW that your mom would never look at porn, how do you know? You probably would have thought the same thing about your dad before stunbling on the folder. To put it into perspective, your dad is a person too, not just a dad. He has a life he has his own thoughts and preferances. So does your mom. thats just the way it is. Finding the porn as a teenage girl, im sure was slightly disturbing to say the least. But keeping it inside and letting it effect you relationship with your dad is not the way to go. And like I said, if you are uncomfortable bringing it up with your dad, your mom is the way to go.
  6. I totally agree with you on that one, whats the point in being rude just for the sake of being rude! It basically just makes you look like a jerk, and in my opinion, would just make everyone be even more fake towards you. Unfortunately polite society has us ALL be fake, at least once in a while. You have all done it.... But I agree with the degree of fake some of you are talking about, the back up friends, and the talking behind someones back, that is actually being rude just for the sake of being rude.
  7. Duffy, Maybe my comments are misplaces but after reading all the post I cant help but notice a few things... A while back there was conversation about and ipod for gift. And how when you mentioned that maybe you couldnt get it she defiantly said...if my sister asked for it you would probably get it for her... There was another instance where you said she was making too much noise and you asked her if she realized how annoying that would be for her sister... and when her sister was in the bathroom for too long and she wanted to brush her teeth, it was her who should respect her sisters privacy and not her sister who should be more frugal with her bathroom time. there is a lot of mentioning that her younger sister is loved by all, but she is bratty and no one wants to be around her. Maybe because of all the problems in the house the younger sister is treated better, Im not saying that she is loved anymore than the 14 year old, but maybe SHE sees it that way, and maybe there is resentment for her sister to the point that she acting out to get the attention. I am sure she has underlying issues that are medical and dont let her deal with her emotions in a rational way. But maybe she is resentful and feeling less loved than her sister.
  8. I hate to bust in so late in the discussion, but I cant help it. Ive read through all of this and honestly cant help thinking of my own childhood. I was the same at 16, I stayed at a friends house probably 4 out of the 7 days of the week. We slept in the same bed. We stole booze from her parents stash, stayed out all night, and met older boys fron the internet... I was a pretty rebelious little girl, I honestly think that my friend and I were bad influences on each other, it wasnt any one person who was doing the influencing. I was the younger of 2 sisters, the same age differance as your children, and i was sick and freeking tired of being compared to my older, better behaved, nicer sister. (I hope there are not "why arent you more like your sister" comments in your household.) It made me want to act out even more, kind of a "fine, ill one-up you on that" type of attitude toward my parents. When they tried to forbid me from seeing my friend we just ended up seeing each other anyway, and lying about it. You cant put a camera on her 24/7, they like each other enough, they will find a way. To this day, I have a problem with my family. When i was in high school, my mom was convinced i was smoking pot, which is something I never did, when all the while my perfect sister and my brother were the ones doing drugs. I was the one having sex, when I didnt until i was older, but my perfect sister got pregnant at 15 (after this she was still concidered better than me). Im not one to say that if you find out that she is actually doing these thing that you should not punish her. But dont do it for the wrong reasons, not just because you suspect, it will only make her resent you. I barely talk to my dad, once every 3 to 4 months on average for about 5 minutes at a time. And no, im not in jail, im not a deadbeat, or a drug addict... im a very sucessful 26 year old with a great job and a great husband and a beautiful son. I learned from my own mistakes, because thats the way I wanted it. I know you dont like what your daughter is doing, and a fair amount of discipline is in order in some instances. I figured that maybe, just maybe the view from a girl who has been there would help...
  9. I am a stay at home mom of a 6 month old perfect little boy. I am 26 and my whole life I have envied those people, y'know the ones that seem to have it all worked out from a young age, they know when they are 10 years old that they want to be a teacher, or a doctor and they do it, they stick it out, go to college get their degree and poof!, they are what they wanted. I have never been able to figure out what i wanted to do. I try so many different things, I think hey, maybe I want to be and artist, which is what i was as a child, the art one. But when I got to high school, it was just not what I wanted to be. I like doing artsy things and drawing and sculpting, but do I want to make a living at it, can I? No. So, when I got pregnant, I was facinated by pregnancy and wanted to learn everything about it, so recently I have wanted to become a Doula. For those who dont know what a doula is, the definition is: a person who accompanies a woman in labor, mothers the mother, taking care of her emotional needs throughout childbirth. I wish I had a Doula when i was in labor, and I love to help people, and I think that women in labor are doing the most important thing ever. But since I have had tried so many things and quit, I am afraid that, even though I am really passionate about persuing this line of work, that I am just going to quit again. What do you think? Should I go for it?
  10. I agree, sounds like she is looking for the old faithful, for a rebound. I would wait and see what will happen with this other girl that you "might" be dating.
  11. Ok, well, I suppose this is more of a rant than a question, but maybe your insights will help... I have trouble keeping friends. I dont know if its because I am a bad person, or if I am annoying or what, but let me give you a typical scenario in my life... I talk to someone, make friends, I am a really nice person and will always go out of my way to be nice to someone, offer help when needed and stuff like that, maybe that makes me a push over. But I will have these friends, but no one ever calls me, I am always the one that has to make the call, always the one who bends over backwards to make plans, and then when plans are made, to say meet somewhere for lunch, the other person never shows. I can not tell you how many times I have driven to a restaraunt to just sit in the parking lot and wait for an hour and drive away disappointed. Its weird, my husbands friends always label us as the "nice couple" we always help anyone out, and no matter what, if one of our friends called us in the middle of the night and needed us we would be there. But I can honestly say that I dont have a single friend that would do the same for me. I dont know if its me, or are people just so damn inconciderate that breaking plans isnt a big deal to most people? Maybe I am just making friends with the wrong people, or like I said before, maybe I am just a pushover.
  12. Thanks for all the advice! I dont love him as much as I do my husband, he was my "first" love and that is always hard to let go. I agree that the baby has started to let me get over him and the reason why I decided to let them go is because I am afraid that if I stay around I will never get over the feelings fully. I feel like I am off to a good start, and i dont want to go backwards.
  13. Hello everyone, I have a situation that I am in that I really need an outside opinion on. So if anyone can help... I have a friend who I have known for many years. We dated a long long time ago when we were kids. He is one of my best friends in the world, but I have always had feelings for him, as long as I can remember. I am happily married now, I have a child and everything is great here. So let me get to what happened. This friend that i have, called me about 8 months ago and told me that he had gotten one of his friends pregnant, and though they werent together, and did not plan to be together, they were keeping the baby, which is great. So, since I have had this pining for him for so many years, I was a little ticked off by the whole situation. But because I am a good friend I stuck with him through the whole thing and even became friends with the girl. I have struggled with jealousy and all kinds of feelings through her whole pregnancy.I have put on a brave face and supported them both, even when the called me in the middle of the night when they needed help with the anxiety of becoming parents. But, being friends with these two people does nothing for me but hurt me. So I decided that it is not healthy for me to be friends with these people. So after she had the baby, I pretty much am avoiding them, I dont answer their emails and I dont answer their phone calls. I cant hold up a false smile with them anymore, and I dont know what I would say to them anyway. So is it right what I am doing? It is good for me, but is it worth hurting others to save my own sanity?
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