Types of requests: Background is that my best friends in the world unfortuneately live 1.5 hours away, so spending time with them typically means an overnight or a weekend...typically one weekend a year we go camping together...guy time...I've spend a lot of my vacation with my family, wife, kids because I love it, but I need time with these great friends.)
So about a year ago, someone in the group suggested we all pack it up and go to the boundary waters in northern minnesota for a canoe trip some time. No less than a 5 or 6 day trip. I ran it by my wife and she had a fit. She did not like it because:
1. When I want to do these things, she accuses me of not wanting to be with her
2. The "guy weekends" have always been a sore spot (once a friggin year mind you) because she isn't invited, or she thinks it because I don't want to be with her, whatever...and I pay for it later.
Last year I suggested I attend an art class (since I have a BFA and I wanted to learn something about sculpture) and again...a fit, accusing me of not thinking about her plans to go back to school and how this would impact it. (which was total bullsh1t)...it was one lousy class.
Basically, anything I needed which she felt threatened her own needs in anyway was off limits. I could peel off dozens of examples here. You asked.
I'd never strayed...16 years of faithfullness. I was there for her, but nothing was ever enough. I reached out all the time to work on marital issues and when it got hot and heavy, she'd take off or turn around all problems and level them at me...claiming I didn't love her, etc.
It was absolutely maddening, because I really tried to love this woman, but eventually, I just stopped trusting my feelings with her. Apparently, this is a classic borderline personality scenario in marriage.
So it may be unfair of me to compare with other marriages...my wife is a sick woman who is trying to get better. I fed into it because I loved her. Her illness was the 800 pound gorilla that wrecked our marriage in many respects.