CHEMICAL_ROMANCEXXX

i'm in. NC day 1

What a rollercoaster of emotions the last couple of days have been! My ex came over to mine the other night and I was determined not to sleep with her. Well I lasted a pitiful 3hours before I caved in - yes I know very weak! After we slept together I felt quite upset and ashamed because I knew what I had just done was wrong and it was going against all the advice I had been given. I tried not to show it but she could tell something was wrong. I acted vey cold towards her after, kind of a defensive mechanism. I felt like I was going to have to cut her out my life completely because the situation was really starting to eat me up. Anyway the next night it was my birthday party, I was having a great time and forgot about any worries. I ended up losing my friends and was walking home when I bumbed into one of my ex's room mates. In my drunken state I decided I would get a taxi back with her and surprise my ex. This could have gone wrong in so many ways looking back, ex's and alcohol defo do not mix! I entered her room and luckily she was really happy to see me even though I had woken her up. Somehow we ended up talking about us and I got the courage to ask her if she wanted to give us another try. She told me she hasnt been as happy since we broke up and that she felt she had taken me for granted and that she would never do that again. She said she wanted to get back together! wow! I'm not getting overly excited because I know now I must learn from my mistakes from last time. I think I was a bit needy, thats something I have been working on, I feel like I have a life outside the relationship now which is going to really help. If things dont work out this time then I guess it was not meant to be, but I know what ever happens I will be ok. Anyway I thought I'd share my happy ending (hopefully will stay that way!). Now time to go back to bed and nurse my hangover......

Wow some more great advice, I feel like I should be paying for it haha. THEGETUPKID how are things working out for you? are you ok? Q-Ball I thought what you said was very wise and I'd be a damn fool not to learn from your mistakes. Your advice has helped me come to a few decisions. No more sex with the ex or any other 'couple' stuff people do in relationships. I'll just have to have a long cold shower before she comes over lol. Im still not sure whether to go into no contact as that would mean giving up completely. Im certainly going to try not to get my hopes up. Just did a week no contact and today she TXT me and ended the TXT with XXX. I know thats not much to get excited about but she hasnt done that since we broke up so maybe she is reconsidering things. She asked me over tonight (havent seen her in a week) and I have said that Im busy tonight but could perhaps see her satarday. Maybe she will start to see that I wont be there on her beck and call. Anyway in the mean time I plan to move on with my life and see if anything developes. Got my birthday coming up and planning a big party so thats helping take my mind off things! My poor liver wont know whats hit it haha

Alright Danny W how are you?? did you confront your ex?? Hope your doing ok

I think what Arwen said was very wise. I would stop sleeping with him if you can. I can relate to what your saying completely babybear because i am going through the exact same thing (have a look at my post and the advice i have been given it may help). I think ive reached a point where enough is enough, I have to move on with my life, I dont want to be used as a doormat. You deserve better as well. We should not settle for second best. Tell him he should only contact you if he is serious about trying to work on the relationship with you and then do NC. Hopefully i can take my own advice....i know how hard it is to let someone go specailly when there seems to be hope to get together still. Im still not sure if im getting strung along or if she is still confused. Anyway I wish you all the best keep us updated, I would really like to hear how things go for you. All the best

Just a warning, try not to get your hopes up-I know easier said than done! She sounds confused about what she wants. I'm worried that if things dont work out your going to have to go through all the pain you have already must have experianced when she ended things with you. If you find things to stressful dont forget its ok to walk away. If she really wants to be with you she will contact you and let you know. Im in a similar position with my ex and this week i've finally reached breaking point, I've had enough of putting my life on hold for someone who cant make up thier mind. Im going to TRY and do no contact for the sake of my sanity. I wish you all the luck no matter what you try and do

Wow thats awful, I really feel for you dude. I would feel exactly the same as you if after witnessing something like that. If I was you I would confront her with what you know and get it all out your system and hear what she has to say (not that she can justify what happened). You need to find out everything that went on so that you can move on with your own life. After this talk I would go cut her out my life completely for your own good. As for the other guy I would resist attacking him, you will look like the bigger man to just walk away from this. Maybe this is for the best, at least you know now that she is cheating on you, its better to know now than in later on. Sorry you are having to go through this

Have to say i've been guilty of doing what your friend Jack is doing. In the early stage of a relationship often all you want to do is be with your new girlfriend and its easy to unfortunately push your friends to one side in the phase of infatuation. For me personally it was when I got my fingers burned by love that I realised how important my friends were to me and how I had not appreciate them as much as i should off. I was too busy giving everything to one women-who left me!! Never again. Your friends are always there for you. He has a few lessons to learn if you ask me, friends should never be fully pushed to one side. Of course he will have slightly less time for you now but just because he is in a relationship does not mean that you should be ignored-thats not what being friends is about, being friends is a two way thing.

Hi there mike' ca sounds like you've had to go through a lot in the last few 6months or so but you sound like a strong person. You can walk away from this situation with your head held high, you tried your best but it takes two people to make a relationship work. Its ok to feel angry after a relationship breaks down, infact its natural. Let your self feel these emotions it will help you to heal but eventually learn to let go. You may find it helps to 'put her in her place' and vent your feelings towards her - if you think that will help give you closure and move on then by all means do it. Personally I wouldnt because I woudnt want to give her the satisfaction of knowing how upset I was. This site is great for just venting how you feel maybe use this site instead. I have to say this relationship sounded vcery stressful and unhealthy to be in. Keep positive there is someone out there who will you will be happier with and will return your love back.

May I ask why you ended things with your fiance? And how do you mean partially out of? Do you want to get back together? Cant really give you any advice on what you should do intill you give a little more information about the relationship. Take care

Thanks everyone for the replies. It was very nice to release what was on my mind. My ex has no idea of how i am feeling because i diddnt want to scare her off and get to emotional heavy when I was trying to win her back. I'm seriously considering going into no contact for the sake of my own sanity. If she really wants a relationship with me then I guess she will let me know. I wont be happy with anything less than a fully commited relationship with her and I shoudnt settle for this. Its just im finding it very hard to let go off her, which I know is not aided by the fact were still being intimate together. I have to remind myself when im with her, holding her, stroking her hair, looking into her eyes etc that were not really together, oh its so easy to get lost in that fantasy that were still an item! This is going to be one of the hardest things ive ever had to do. I just hope I can be strong and not give in. Going to have to remind myself that in the long term this is for my own good. Anyway again people thanks for very good advice. Any more advice from people would be fantastic or stories from people who have shared a similar experiance and how it turned out in the end. Thankyou

Argg im confused! Venting needed badly! What do I do! After my ex g/f broke up with me I went into no contact for 2months however in the back of my mind I always hoped there would be a chance we'd get back together. I decided I would invite her over to mine and see what signals she gave off. I decided to play things cool and just have fun and not talk about the past. Well we had a great time and it honestly felt like it did when we first met. I could see she had as good a time as I did as well. We did end up sleeping together. Now this is my current situation-I think its pretty messed up! My ex and me are meeting up once a week (I let her contact me) and she is staying over mine. Were sleeping together and being very intimate in general, holding hands and kissing etc. However I'm worried that this is going to set me back to square one. Is this just a case of her having her cake and eating it?? I mean she seems like she is far more into me again but im trying not to get my hopes up because maybe all it is to her is a bit of fun. Why don’t I ask her how she feels you may be thinking??? Well imp guess im scared she will reject me and shatter what may just be my illusion that she is falling back in love with me. I also feel that it has to be down to her to bring up the conversation of reconciliation as she broke up with me. I'm having such a great time when we do meet up but im starting to wonder if its worth it as I feel so down and depressed sometimes that were not together probably and often wonder what she is doing, who she is with etc. Surely this cant be just a bit of fun to her? Could she be that cold and unattached? Does she think of me as much as I think of her when we are apart? Is she going to lose respect for me if we carry on this way? Would I be more unhappy if I wasn’t seeing her at all? These are some of the questions I am plagued with each day though I honestly believe if we got back together all this pain would be worth it. I was thinking of setting kind off a deadline for this current situation if things haven’t changed, and then tell her on that day that we need to either be together or go are separate ways. This may shake her up a little and realize that I won’t wait around for her forever. However I’m also worried that if we do get back together things wont be the same, even though things are great at the mo when we see each other. I'm sure half the reason we broke up was more to do with things going on in both of our lives (see below) which caused a lot of stress on the relationship. Also I am the only boyfriend she has ever had-perhaps she feels the need to explore. Thats why I dont know if its even worth trying to get back with her because surly one day she will feel the need to experiment so to speak, and i dont want her to resent me for not giving her a chance to experiance the single life. Oh and here is sum quick details on why we broke up: I lost my job became a little depressed and needy-less fun to be around. She started university-was thrown into a hectic party atmosphere caused her to doubt whether she wanted to be in a relationship. She did cheat on me (just a kiss, I know still cheating); I never really dealt with that which caused friction between us. I now feel able to forget. Advice would be much appreciated. I have no doubt that many people out there have gone through a similar scenario. I'm I doing everything wrong? What do you think? Thankyou for reading this I know if goes on a bit but just needed to get a lot of my chest!!

First off im sorry to hear about your situation hang in there. To me it sounds like she is trying to use the whole 'fun' issue as an escape route to finish things with you and you have been treated unfairly. You deserve better than that. If she has asked for space the best thing you can do is give it to her. I know this will be very difficult and painful but it really is your only choice or you could end up driving her away for good. There still is hope but you have to give her a chance to see what her life will be like without you there. I know you probably don’t feel like doing anything at the moment but try and keep busy-DO ANYTHING to take your mind of her if only for awhile. Im going through a very similar situation to you, im starting to feel better but it has been tough. You've got to stay strong. Put it this way what do you think is gunna be more attractive to her when she next sees you A) you a complete mess, crying alone waiting for her to call or; B) You getting on with your life making new friends and having fun. Its going to be really hard to motivate yourself to do anything but you need to try. Have you got anyone really close that can support you? Friends and family can be great for giving you advice and comfort and pick you up when your feeling down. Remember when in a relationship its very important to have a life of your own and not become completely dependent on your partner, this is not very attractive. Try and find some new interests and make sum new friends so if she does come back, you you will be in a far more healthy position. Your girlfriend is very young and going out and having fun often becomes a priority and this can put strain on any relationship. I would play the waiting game for awhile. Let her get all the 'fun' out her system. She might get bored off going out before to long and release what she throw away. She might not. However in not contacting her for awhile it lets your emotions settle down and can give you a better perspective on things. You must keep positive. I recommend reading superdaves posts on NC (no contact) they really helped me. I've got my fingers crossed for you mate, your gunna be ok.