agualibre777

this isn't straightforward at all. if you tell her mom, you will lose her friendship. if you don't tell her mom and something bad happens to her (even if he doesn't kill her, he gives her an std or hiv or just rapes her) then you may lose her. if you tell her that she should see him in a public place she may stop confiding in you completely. you have to see her in person. tell her that you are concerned for her safety first and foremost. this can not be a judgment on her person, bad or good or giving up her dreams. you are right about what you are saying, but you can't help her with her life. but this *is* a very dangerous situation she could be heading to. tell her that you don't want to betray her trust but that if she doesn't meet him in public and let someone else know about it, when and where, maybe even invite some friends along, which is normal and healthy, that you may have to warn her mother for her personal safety. this is better than just going straight to her mom, which may get her in big trouble, shows you care but aren't betraying her. it is potentially a threat so you have to be careful about how you present it so that she doesn't start to distrust you and stop sharing with you... i think this is a good compromise. but whatever you do, absolutely don't let her do what she is planning on doing...

hmmm... it's also possible something happened to your sister too... these things are often cyclical that way...

WOAH!!! Hold up here!!! I think you should first see if she meant that she had an abnormal pap smear and that's how she found out she had HPV. You know what??? HPV is SOOO common that they don't even routinely check it. If you are in your twenties they just **assume** you have it! And people can have it, test negative, but they still have it, it's just that there isn't enough virus for them to test for. Basically, you can assume that if you've had five partners you have various different strains of the virus. This is not something to be stressing about. THE VIRUS THAT CAUSES ABNORMAL PAP SMEARS DOES NOT CAUSE GENITAL WARTS. AND, yes, she could have got the HPV from you 7 years ago even. Believe me, I know A LOT about HPV, because that is my specialty at the clinic. I educate the patients at our clinic about HPV. Some doctors even tell their patients that they don't need to tell their partner that they have HPV. And most women that have an abnormal pap with HPV clear it in a year without a problem. And actually, the standard is to have a pap ever 6 months for 1.5 years after the abnormal pap to make sure it's cool. Sometimes it's just for a year as long as the second pap is negative for HPV. There is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO GO BACK EVERY THREE MONTHS FOR A PAP. That actually is completely wrong to do and not standard procedure because HPV takes time to clear just like it takes time to show up. Actually, I'm more concerned about your girlfriend than I am about you... Because you can give HER more strains....

well, you can have the last word then.

Hope, you are truly off the hook. On the real. I am actually not angry at him at all. I understand that what he did is all he knows. I know I don't want to get involved with him. I know I was angry at him last week, but I'm not angry at him now. I called him a name when I was mad. Am I the first one to call someone a name when they're mad???? Am I following him around town calling him a name??? NO. Did I say it was the best thing to do? No. But did it make me feel better afterwards? Yes. Am I going every day to his house and plastering condoms on his doors, windows, front porch, car, underwear? No. I'm not. I did it once. It was funny. Haha. Just relax and stop taking it so personally and comparing me to a situation that had absolutely nothing to do with me.

I think that's a misinterpretation. Lash out?? Lashing out is keying a car. Condoming a car is FUNNY.

Hahaha, that's cute!! I might start using that expression! ;P

Hahahaha I know it's funny. It's not vandalism anymore than someone putting pieces of paper advertising events on your car is vandalism.

Yes, Blender, it's true. I didn't want to have sex with him initially. Initially I wouldn't even let him kiss me!! But he kept trying to seduce me, I kept saying no, but by saying no I was practically encouraging his pursuit of me. Like oh, no, please don't! It just made him try harder. Until I actually had sex with him and then he was like... been there, done that! What a jerk. So yes, he didn't say he'd manipulate me until new years eve, that's when he said that, and he somehow still didn't see it was wrong even when i talked to him about it! He said he was just showing he had confidence in himself! HAH! Honestly, prior to that, I thought he was like the most amazing guy I'd met, smart, sexy, actually able to understand me and communicate with me on the same level. Educated. I thought with all the connection and energy in our conversations he was interested in more than sex, because in experience, most men that just want sex don't conversate so much. Our telephone conversations were HOURS long, sometime til 2 or 3 in the morning. No, the real deceiving thing about all of this is that when I said we shouldn't have sex anymore, I also said I highly valued our friendship. We tried to be friends (or at least I did) but the sexual attraction was still there. I don't know how I could have oversaw the whole comment about manipulation but somehow I just let it go, despite how much it bothered me. I told him I wanted him to be on MY side, on OUR side, that to be friends we couldn't be having sex. But my saying no once again encouraged him to try and seduce me. But the thing is when I finally made it clear that we were to have no more sex, he said to me he cared about me, wanted to be friends and that we were connected and so on. But just one week later lied to me about coming over and was playing games and then flirted with a girl knowing it would hurt me. He was lying about being friends and valuing me. In retrospect, it ALL was a lie. Now he's embarrassed, keeps coming to the yoga class even though the girl ignores him too. But he is coming because I don't want him to come and asked him not too. Just like he wanted to have sex with me when I didn't want to. It's his personality type. He is continuing to come just to bother me. I have a very tight strict schedule with work and volunteering and school and these are the only classes that fit in my schedule with yoga studios that are affordable to me!!! HE should change. I am not changing because I can't. I'm just going to try and get there earlier, put my yoga mat in a corner next to my friends, not look at him the entire time, get out of there fast without having to run into him. Believe me I'm totally 100% OVER him, when I look at him he isn't even sexy to me anymore. How CAN he be??? He still has my picture and should give it back, but I'm not going to bother asking him for it because that would mean I'd have to contact him. Guess it's just a lost piece of art...

I'm not worried about what he thinks about me OR what he says about me!! I honestly couldn't care less. I don't care if he thinks I'm not over him because I put condoms on his car, the message to me is clear. He needs to start having a supply of condoms at his house if he is going to be sexual with multiple people outside of a relationship!! It's hilarious to me that people are comparing vandalism to a harmless prank. Sense of humor people!

I don't know what state you are in, but I know that it's possible in California to get an abortion up to 23 and a half weeks. That's an option. Also adoption. If you aren't ready for a child, especially when your relationship with the father is bad, you may want to consider other options.

Ys, it would have been AWESOME! The whole sad thing about it is not getting to see the look on his face...

That's funny. But I wouldn't do that, maybe instead just have condoms fall out of his yoga mat when he opens it.... Hahahaha.

Oh, also, something to think about is that negative emotions are never ever eliminated through meditation and yoga. And that isn't the point AT ALL. That's running from your nature!! Yoga and meditation is about being AWARE of them and letting them go, not letting yourself get so wrapped up in them that they become all you see. I didn't do it out of anger. I did it because I thought it was funny and it made me laugh. It would have been even funnier if he brought a girl to his car and there were condoms pasted on the windshield. Hahahaha. O.k. so maybe there is some negativity there, but it isn't like a strong hateful anger, it's more like seeing how he is a jerk and I had a good idea. To me it's good, to him it's not. No one can say that's vandalism cause it did not damage his car one tiny bit!! Also, by the way, my roomate is a somatic psychotherapist and she thought it was funny. In fact, I told her my idea before I did it and she thought it was a great idea, in fact she wanted to partake by hiding in the bush to videotape his reaction.... hahahaha. Gosh, stop taking things so seriously. Not everything is serious. Some things are just plain funny.

yeah, i knew it was going to be contentious. it's not stalking. he is going to my yoga class. he wasn't going hardly at all before we started hanging out, so the way i see it, i was there first!! HE should change yoga classes. He is 20 minutes away from the studio, I'm 2 minutes away. He DID treat me bad. He was NOT originally honest about not wanting a relationship. He didn't tell me that until AFTER we started having sex. And even though I was very clear about wanting to use condoms, he kept trying to have sex with me without a condom and never had condoms at his house. He straight up told me that if he wanted to he would manipulate me to have sex with him without a condom. He is a creep. He also had told me Wed night when he quite rudely flaked on me that he would NOT flirt with girls in yoga class cause he didn't want to have that kind of energy in class and he knew it would "hurt my feelings", yet he did so immediately on saturday because I told him on Thurs I didn't want to have sex with him and that the magic was gone. So, yeah, he is a creep. I agree that I should have seen he was a creep right away, but I didn't. That is a separate issue and one that I'm working on. I didn't SCREAM at him by the way. I called him a name, but I didn't scream at him. I said it in a normal voice, albeit angrily, but not screaming. I called him a name, rolled up my window and drove away. And he IS one, and I'm actually quite glad I called him that. It was like popping a pimple. Annie, I honestly don't understand why you are getting so upset about it. I didn't vandalize his car. I put scotch tape on condoms on his windshield. He was parked in the shade so there is no way it would damage his car. It was a harmless prank. Hopefully HE will change yoga classes. Because I personally will not, and have explained many times why I won't. I understand what you are saying about what the point of yoga is. But also I believe you can have that, but there is also the reality that people have feelings and experiences despite everything you may achieve in yoga. I don't know I kind of think I should have opted for putting a bunch of loose condoms in his stuff so when he picked it up it all fell on the floor. Hahahaha. Now THAT would be funny. I think of it as funny. FUNNY!!