Buttermaker

Actually, I have mentioned it a couple times. I brought it into the conversation very casually about him. I asked her if I had "competition". She told me not to worry about him, that they are just friends. I am always afraid to bring it up because she told me that she has had jealous boyfriends in the past and she doesn't need that in her life. She is the type that loves the attention from other men. She does have male friends that text message her. That doesn't bother me... well maybe a little. She has shown me a couple of text messages from male friends. Some send her 'cyber kisses'. One ex boyfriend even had the nerve to tell her that he rented a hotel room in town here and he wanted her to come over for sex. She was angry with him for that. But what amazes me is that she tells me everything! She has no problem showing the text messages from guys. Maybe she is trying to get me jealous? Maybe trying to get a reaction? She did make a comment once that "It's so nice, everyone wanting me". She seems to like having men give her alot of attention. I don't think she had that in the past and now seems to be loving it. But back to that 17 year old. I do agree that it's not right for her to be going for coffee with him. Never in my life would I go for coffee or drinks with a female friend, while I am in a relationship.

I started dating this woman back on New Years and things are actually going pretty good. They started off slow and now we are at the phase where we say " I love you". I wouldn't say it unless I meant it and I know that she wouldn't either, so the feelings are definitely there. My only concern is another guy that she knows. There is this one that she works with. They first met each other a month or so ago, when me and her were still not that serious yet. I know that he likes her alot - she is open with everything to me. The sad thing is, he is 17, turning 18 pretty soon. She is almost 31! It's not unusual for a younger man to have the hots for an older woman. It seems to be the "in" thing now. That is my concern. When she first started working with him, she originally though he was gay. She seemed disappointed for some reason. Then she found out he is straight, but alot younger than she realized. She seemed even more disappointed because of his age. My concern is, they exchanged phone #'s and text message each other all the time. Even on her MSN "My Space", she wrote in her blog where the both of them walked arm and arm up the stairs at work and how much she "loves him - as a friend". I am frightened that she took more than a liking to this kid. She seems to be the type to fall for anyone. She also told me that she went for coffee after work with him a couple of times just recently. I just find it odd that my 31 year old gf is hanging around a 17 year old kid at work, exchanging phone #'s and going for coffee with him. Should I be concerned or what? She did tell me that he did take a liking to her. I just hope that she can just be friends with him and nothing more. I never let her know that I am worried about this. I never bring him up to her, cause I don't want her to think that I am the jealous type. She has told me that she would never do anything to hurt me though. But she is very sexual, so who knows what's going through her mind. To be honest, I am scared!

I'm on Plenty of Fish... so far, I have met 4 women in person, dated 1 woman for 3 months and another for a week (since August). The other two were garbage. I do get lots of responses, but the women I meet are either mental or just game players. I have tried link removed (7 years ago, where I met my former wife), Lavalife (dated a women for a year off there) and link removed. Out of all of those POF works the best and I like it cause it's free, but seriously impossible to find someone decent for a long term relationship.

Is it just women that don't like quiet people that they meet or are dating? Me, personally, I couldn't care less if she is quiet or not. To me, that's just being shy and they will open up when they are ready. It's not awkward for me at all. The way I look at it is that MOST women I meet, LOVE to talk. If I also talked alot, then it would be too much. It makes more sense if one is a little quiet and the other one is comfortable talking. It seems to balance out. See... I wish that more women were like you, saint saul... stick by the guy to see where it goes. I think it's sad when someone says that I am too quiet, then ignores all the other great qualities that I do have and then leave. People are too impatient when it comes to dating/relationships I find. And when something bothers them, instead of talking about it and trying to work it out, they dump that person. That's what gets to me. But that women does need to take it slow. She came on so fast in this past week, I knew it would come to a hault sooner or later. She told me that she has a lot on her plate right now, she never should have came out of the gate so fast. I would prefer to be friends at first, then see where it goes. Now we have to start all over again and it's going to be a struggle to make anything work now.

She is getting divorced after 8 years (last 2 she has been separated) because she said her husband is a bum. Doesn't get off his * * * to do anything around the house and for most of the marriage, was not intimate enough. This woman is extremely sexual. She mentioned to me that sex is on her mind 24/7. Her ex didn't do anything for her, so she got out. Because she is that sexual and we don't know each other that well, it kind of scared me a little. I would rather get to know someone for a while, be in a serious relationship, then be intimate. So it was a little bothersome, but I did enjoy the affection - don't get me wrong She is a little too much... she got bent out of shape over nothing! I was amazed by that. I agree, I was a guest and she made no effort to make me feel comfortable. Sitting by herself pouting all night was a sad sight. She did mention that she has enough drama in her life, because of kids/ex and what ever and that she does not need more. I don't know why she had to carry on the way she did last night. I can expect this from a woman in her early-mid 20's, cause I have seen that trend before when it comes to talking being the most important thing, but she is 31.

I don't even know what to ask them. A few months ago, I was going to chat with some woman on the phone, so I wrote down everything in advance. I didn't want them to panic because there was 5 seconds of silence. While I was asking the questions, she commented on how it felt like a job interview. To me, how am I suppose to ask something, if I don't know what to ask?? lol Finally, we ended up being on the phone for 1/2 hour in COMPLETE SILENCE! All we could hear was each other breathe. Finally she said that she had to go to bed and I never heard from her again. As far as that other woman that I wrote about, I just got off MSN with her and she is still hung up on me being silent for 1 night. She can't get past that, no matter what I said to her. Finally I said to her that it feels like she doesn't want anything to do with me now. She then commented on how she would like to take it slow now. She went from being all over me from the first day we met, to taking it slow cause I was quiet. So now I feel like I am on probation with her to see if I can pass the conversation test. I honestly don't know how I get involved with these women. I wish that we would have taken it slow to begin with. I never had a woman offer oral sex and kiss me the way she did on the second date before. Then, get offended when I was quiet for one night. That is strange! I do agree with you, dogheadma... I should find someone that will accept me for who I am. I shouldn't have to put on an act or change because of someone. It just amazes me on how some people are so focussed on talking, that nothing else matters. I will keep chatting with her on MSN for now and see how it goes, but I will keep my options open for something better, that's forsure.

I am in the same boat as you... On the computer (MSN), I can chat with the best of them. Then on the phone, I freeze up when I have nothing to say. The woman takes it personal and I have actually lost touch with that person because of it. Even in person, I will be even more quiet and have had women refuse to keep seeing me because of it. It can be frustrating. That's why when women give me their phone #, I am terrified to call them. I have gotten better at it, but in person... that is a different story

This is getting ridiculous... I finally got over a woman that I dated for 3 months. A month later, I met someone else. She was awesome. Talkative, upbeat, very attractive, fun to be around. She did have a lot of baggage (3 small children), going through a divorce (still lives with ex), lives 45 minutes from me and believe it or not... way too sexual for me! Into our second date, she was already offering to give me oral sex in the car. I actually turned her down cause I really didn't know her that well and it was very awkward. I know most guys would have jumped at the chance... and I did on the 3rd date Anyway, I know that she is into me, thinks I am sweet, attractive and IM's me on MSN every chance she gets. Keep in mind, we only met a week or so ago. Christmas Day, she was over at her parents place and was IM me every chance she got. She wanted to meet me later on at her house, since the kids were gone for the night and she was hinting for me to spend the night. I thought it would be a great night. I showed up at her parents to pick her up (got lost once because I wrote the directions wrong) and it was late 11:00pm. She got in the car, was happy to see me and gave me a kiss. I then mentioned that I got lost and joked about bad directions... and she seriously took offence to that! She thought I was giving her crap about the directions, when I was joking. Then 2 minutes later, she made a comment to me about my driving and I took offence to that. It was a 20 minute drive and there was complete silence the whole time! She was actually pouting. Finally, we got to her place and she stormed out of the car and walked to her front door with out me. I thought it was kind of ignorant. She didn't even offer to take my coat when I came in. I had a seat on the couch, hoping she would sit next to me... I was wrong. She sat on a love seat by her self and pouted some more. At this point, I was going to walk out and drive home, but I didn't want to me a jerk. We sat apart for an hour and a half, with little talking, if any! I could tell she was really put off with that. She was also starting to sleep. When she did wake up, she was angry because I wasn't talking to her. It also felt like she didn't even want me there. Just 2 hours earlier, she was all excited to see me, IM me every hour, writing xoxoxox on her IM's and then this happens! Finally she said she was going to bed and ask what I was going to do. I then said, I dunno, just watch TV I guess. Then she got mad and said no, cause she didn't want to leave me alone up there cause she didn't know me well enough. That I can understand, but she invited me to spend the night earlier! As soon as I said I should leave then, she ran to the door and opened it for me. Even getting a hug/kiss from her was like pulling teeth! I was puzzled during the whole drive home and had problems sleeping. Finally today at 2:00pm, she gets on MSN. She is very upset at the fact that I do not talk enough. We have known each other only a week, seen each other in person 4 times including last night. The times that we have seen eachother has been 2 times in a movie theater, 1 time at my house being intimate and last night which was a nightmare. We have only talked on the phone 2 times and I have had good communication with her on there. In person, I am ALWAYS shy and quiet when I first meet someone. I always tell them that upfront, so they don't take it personal. So she gets on MSN today and tells me that she can't be with someone that is quiet and she can't be the one to carry the conversation. Things were going great up until last night! Yes, I was quiet, but I didn't sit there like a bump on a log before when we seen each other. I can't believe how everything changed because I am quiet. I always complimented her, sent her ecards, paid for the movies, spent time with her. She even said that she thought I was the greatest. And because I am quiet, that all changed. She was actually in panic mode because there was no talking. Are some people so obsessed with constant communication, that they are willing to dump someone after a week because of it? This is not the first time that this has happened to me. I have meet people before and things will ALWAYS start off great. Chat on the computer, phone, no problem. In person, I get a little quiet and shy at first and the woman I am with thinks it's the worst thing in the world! I have met some women, that were patient, got through that and things worked out great. I opened up and talked their ears off. Then there is some women, that think it's the end of the world, cause I get a little quiet and would rather break up with me right away cause they can't take it. To me, some people need someone to talk their ears off. It's like a security blanket. With out that, they get uncomfortable and out of place. Because I don't talk enough at first, many women disappear because they feel uncomfortable. How am I suppose to change that? Write a script and memorize it when I am with someone for the first time? It's actually getting frustrating trying to date when the woman thinks I am too quiet for her.

This is a good thread. I have been involved in 3 very serious relationships, including marriage. The first relationship ended after 8 years. She broke up with me and met someone else the same day!!!! She didn't even bother to let her heart heal or anything, just went from 1 relationship to another. That was 6 1/2 years ago and to this day they are still together, married and have children. Then I was with someone for 3 years (married to them for 15 months). She met someone else while we were married! We were married, living together, no signs of a failed marriage and she had a boyfriend. I found out, separated, moved out and we are through. That was 3 years ago. To this day, she is still with him, living in MY house and have a child together. Finally a 1 year relationship. That ended early this year, but she has not found anyone else. We still chat once in a while on the phone. I have my fingers crossed that we might get back together next year. Other than those relationships, I have dated women for 2 weeks to 6 months. ALOT of them ended when she broke up with me and then in a day or two, they find someone else! Why do people jump from on relationship to another in the same day or two days later? Then I start to wonder if it's me. I feel like I am just a practice guy in a practice relationship until the next guy comes along. It's actually pissing me off so much, that I have seriously thought about no longer having a relationship. I have been hurt way too many times and the women I get involve with couldn't care less and move on right away.

I know I shouldn't worry about her and I am getting over this whole break up thing. I still chat with her on MSN on a daily basis though. Tonight I had to laugh, cause she actually made the comment that I seem more distant now and have been for the past few days on MSN. Geez, I wonder why lol It's also like the pot calling the kettle black, cause she's been distant on MSN for a couple weeks now (if not longer than that). Two can play that game

She is going to have a tough time trying to find anyone that is decent, besides me. That's the sad thing and look how she treated me.

I am still confused with this woman... I know, it sounds like I am beating a dead horse, but I chatted with her again last night. We don't bother getting into 'us' in our chats, but mainly talk about how the day went. She did say that she was in my part of the city last evening (doing something for work) and she said that she was going to call me to go for dinner with her. I wasn't home anyway, so I couldn't have done if she did call. But then I said that I was going to drop by her work and pick up the pay check I am due for the 2 days I worked with her. She kept asking me what time. When I told her, she made an excuse as to why she wouldn't be in the office and someone else would give me my check. Finally, she said that it would be difficult for her to see me, since we broke up. But then I asked her why was she going to call me for dinner? She said that it was different. She didn't want the stress of me going in there to see her at work or something along those lines. She even still calls me babe still and the very odd time, she says that she thinks of me and tells me how hard this has been for her. If she broke up with me, then why is she having such a hard time, telling me that she is missing me and hanging on to me?? When we chatted last night, it was late, she worked till midnight and wasn't much into chatting. Then around 1:00am, I said that I need to go to sleep. She said ok and then we said goodnight. I closed the window and left my MSN on (like I always do). 10 minutes later, she comes back with "ok, I have to go and get some sleep". I was puzzled as to why she said that, after we said goodnight. She really seemed out of it. Either being over tired from work, no sleep or mentally ill. Maybe that's why I can't let her go yet, something doesn't add up. Her emotions change on a dime. No, it's not that time of month lol I really do think she is confused by this whole relationship thing. She has NEVER had a real one before or a guy that has ever cared for her. Even her closet friends have told me that. Then why would she just be playing a game? A few nights ago, she said that she had a dream about us getting back together after seeing a movie and kissing goodnight. I honestly don't know what is going on with her. I don't think it's a game with her... I dunno. In all of my years, I have never dealt with anything like this. I feel like I am in high school. I have ruled out another guy. There is no way that she can be seeing anyone else when she works 6 days a week and on thurs, fri and saturdays, works till midnight. I know she has alot of other male friends, but I think that it's an exaggeration on how many she really has. Some guys from work (all much younger or married), close friends from years ago, the odd MSN guy that has she is just chat friends with. That's pretty much it. I am trying to read so much into this woman. She is EXTREMELY complicated and yes, a little immature too. In my mind, I want to just forget her completely, but in my heart, I feel that something is not right. Not every woman plays these games. She knows that I have been hurt in the past by evil women and she promised me that she was not like them. I don't think she would do anything to mess with me. I seriously think she is a very confused person and perhaps after this mad Christmas rush is done at her work and she is bored/lonely again, she may come to her senses. I really don't know. I thought that with my experience I would understand what makes some of these women tick, but I guess I don't. I am being patient, a little too patient with her. I know that it's very easy to say ignore her or that she is playing games, but what if she's not? Then I keep telling myself, if by some miracle we try again, can I ever trust her? My answer is no. So why am I still thinking of her and not just blocking contact, I have no idea. I am just a sucker

Don't feel so bad... the woman that just broke up with me, refuses a NC. If I try to avoid her, she gets upset and comes on MSN asking why I am not talking to her. Then when I do come on MSN and chat with her, she is so pre-occupied (like now), that it takes her 3 or 4 minutes to reply to my IM. Then if I don't talk to her, she sends me a sad email. She is the one that broke up with me!!!! lol Then at the end of our so called conversation, she says that I am always on her mind, or something mushy. I'd rather have the no-contact then, this way I can get her out of my mind and move on. You are right, Sara, it's hard to go from caring and even loving someone, to just being friends. But that is what she wants to do. I want to delete her from my MSN so bad, but I don't have the heart.

I agree with a few posters on here that said that women have a much easier time getting over someone. I think it has to do with being heartless. Not all women (I don't want hate mail lol), just the ones I have gotten caught up with. They seem to make breaking up with me some kind of a game or joke, when I have taken it too serious. I have thought about ending my life a couple times when a relationship failed. I won't sleep, eat and my brain is mush. In the meantime, the women that broke up is having fun or dating someone else.

I have been in relationships and have dated since I was 19. I was even married for a brief time. NEVER in my life have I cheated or even thought about it. Have I been approach by other women that wanted me to sleep with them when I was taken? Yes, a few times. I could have cheated many of times, but I don't believe in it. When I was married, my wife's best friend hit on me a few times. Said she wanted to sleep with me and even wore tight jeans with a rip on the rear end (ya, i looked there lol) If I was single, I would have been all over her, but I wasn't... But why do people bother in a serious relationship if they want to cheat? Why not stay single and just screw around? But when people think of cheating, they ALWAYS say men cheat. But women are just as bad, if not WORSE then men!!! My marriage ended when SHE cheated. I dated a much younger woman 2 years ago and she admitted to cheating on me, which ended that relationship. When I was in my early 20's I had married women hit on me and want to sleep with me. So it's not men that are bad, women are too. But I can honestly say that I have never cheated and never will!!! I treat women the way I want to be treated. I don't want them to cheat on me, so I won't cheat myself.