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Lava Rocks

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Lava Rocks last won the day on April 1 2007

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About Lava Rocks

  • Birthday 10/22/1978

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  1. I told him this: "I need to move on and get over this, I'm sorry, I need more than you're willing to give. I cannot be your friend right now, but take care of yourself." He called me back five minutes later (I had to do it on the phone as we hadn't been face to face in about a month and he'd just ditched me for my b-day). He tried turning the tables on me and said, "I respect your decision, I understand. Sorry for hurting you. Can I still text you every once in a while?" My response, "Um, I'd prefer if you didn't." And that was the end of that *sob*. Two months later we spoke again, so technically I broke NC. This time, our conversation consisted of him saying, "I just called to say TACO. Um, I have to go help a friend buy a router, I'll call you back later." And that was the last time we spoke, December 27th. Yes, he really did just call to say TACO. I think this was some sort of retarded pet name he had or something. Who knows. I think he was mentally unstable.
  2. My handle comes from the fact that everyone thinks my name is Lava - apparently my handwriting is such that my r's look like v's. So I just jokingly gave myself this nickname and it stuck. To end this story, I finally had my chance to confront him Friday and asked him directly why he was such a **ck to me all these weeks. He said he doesn't like me because I call him out on things. Basically, he didn't appreciate the fact that I told him that I thought maybe he wasn't ready to get married because he's still seeing three girls on the side of his "perfect relationship." I also now suspect that everyone was right and that he was annoyed because I didn't jump him. Oh well *shrug*
  3. Believe their actions over their words. The exception to this would be when they say, "I'm not looking to get into something serious now." BELIEVE IT! No matter what. If you feel more lonely in their arms than when you're alone, it's way past the right time to leave. Do not be someone's rebound. Make sure anyone you date has had adequate time to resolve any issues from past relationships. NO RECENTLY DIVORCED MEN!!! If you see big huge red flags in the beginning, run like hell. Treat yourself kindly. Accept no less from others. Set proper boundaries, stick to them. If he does things to deliberately play on your insecurities, puts you down often, and/or tries to use his female relationships to make you jealous, kick him in the junk. Then leave. If he doesn't call when he says he will, he's not just "being a man." If a monkey can figure out how to get termites out of a log with a stick, he can figure out how to dial a friggin phone when he says he will. It's that easy. If he asks you to buy him a beer, a pack of smokes, or dinner on the first date because he's "so broke"...then proceeds to stuff dollars into a bar-top poker machine...he's not broke, he's just a loser.
  4. After my last post, I decided to give up trying to be nice - it had done no good and was wasting my time. Even though I hate people who can't even utter a hello or good morning when passing you in the hall at work, I decided to do the same, as I was getting a better response from a brick wall. Surprisingly, just ignoring him makes things less uncomfortable for me. Although not for lack of trying. For the past two days he was coming into my dept. a lot more than normal. Yesterday whenever he'd pass me he'd make sure I knew he was there by making a lot of noise. I was looking for a customer file and he slammed his hand against the side of the cabinet as if to startle me, then kept walking. He flicked a piece of paper I had tacked up in the back of my cube while he was walking away, and then later he beat on the cardboard boxes sitting right outside my cube. I started imagining a cartoon bull [with a HUGE EGO] with steam pouring out of his nose.
  5. Thanks everyone for your replies! Ash and sparkle1- I don't think he propositioned me, even subtly. And if he did and I just didn't notice, well shame on him! When we were at his house we sat in opposite corners of the room, and really just talked about his love life. As for being embarrassed, he said some of the same stuff in front of the other girls that were there with us at the bar. He has no problem with them now. It has to be because I went back to his house, as I was the only one who did so. I guess I could try to analyze it forever and still have no clue. I'm definitely not comfortable asking him what's up, especially since when I said hello to him yesterday, he didn't even say hello back. It's not worth it - I'll claim it as my own poor judgement and hope I don't need his help with something at work anytime soon.
  6. A few friends from work and I go out every couple weeks or so to just hang out, drink, and let loose. A few weeks back, one of the guys from another dept came along and we all had a lot of fun. Long story short, he and I wound up getting drunk and sharing a ton of stories about ourselves that we probably otherwise wouldn't have under other circumstances. Personal stories - VERY personal stories. Now, I don't really care, I don't have too many secrets and am not easily embarrassed, and I don't judge my friends based on their past. The next thing I know, I am at his house and we're talking about life in general, then I left and drove home. I figured I'd made a new work friend, but instead he completely avoided me all next week at work. It's gotten completely uncomfortable to be around him. I was thinking, {Mod Edit} is up with the blow off? It's not like we messed around, there was no rejection/attraction of any kind on either part, no hurt feelings, and he has a girlfriend for God's sake. FRIENDS. All the other people we hang out with tend to open up MORE after we hang outside work, not close off. Anyone remember High School - when you'd go to a party over the weekend and hang out with one crowd and then they'd totally ignore you on Monday morning? Yeah, it's like that. But we're in our late 20's. Anyone have a clue?
  7. I argue with the ex all the time in my head. Since our last conversation wasn't really a conversation, I never got to say the things I wanted to say (it wouldn't have mattered if I had,) so I find it therapeutic to get it out in a constructive way. It's like Gestalt therapy - he's already the empty chair. I also have fantasies of actually saying these things to the ex if we ever run into each other; however, I know from past experience that by the time I see him again, I will have recovered enough that I won't really feel the urge to argue. Either that or I'll feel a tremendous urge to dive behind the bar and hide until he leaves... I'm not running from my problems, but I'm not running head first into them either.
  8. Thanks Beec! RR - I guess it's true what they say, you're problems will follow you wherever you go. *sigh* I hope you found some peace when you went to China! I have dreams, but I wouldn't say they've gotten to me yet. Sleep seems to be the only place I can get away from it all. It's weird, he's there in the dreams, but it's never him per se. The scenarios imply it's him, but it's never his face and a lot of the time it's not even me involved in the dream, it's someone else. Where's Freud when you need him?
  9. Ugh, all the annoying reminders are really starting to drive me nuts. I just want to forget him! I can't very well walk around all day with my eyes closed and my fingers in my ears, but sometimes I sure feel like doing so. I leave my house and I swear, ever other car I see on the road is the same make and model as his. I turn on the TV, and even with my 500+ channels, I can't seem to find a single one that's not mocking me by playing some flick we once watched together. I don't EVEN dare listening to the radio, but wouldn't you know that yesterday my ipod mini decided to flake out, not allowing me to use the menu button, and is now i-stuck on a playlist full of songs and artists that he introduced me to. ARGH! Make it stop! Today my friend D asked me to go to a comedy show with him next weekend b/c his girl flaked on him, and even though I'd never heard of the comedian I told him I'd go. So I googled the comic and of course! it's the ex's favorite comedian. I wouldn't have remembered the name in a billion years, but when I saw his most famous skit it made me sink into my seat. I'm laughing as I type this, and shaking my fists at the sky. I think God hates me.
  10. 1. What circumstances precluded him from returning your feelings? He had recently gone through a messy divorce. (red flag, I know.) His wife had cheated on him (second red flag.) I remember at one point early on while we were dating he said something along the lines of "never again would he let someone make him feel that way again." 2. How did you find out he didn't return your feelings? He told me...as I was showing him the door. My needs weren't being met and I told him how I felt after three months. We're not talking the "L" word here, I just knew we were at different places in life and he probably wouldn't ever be able to "catch up" to where I was at due to his own circumstances. We were sexually involved and I was becoming emotionally attached, so I told him that it was probably best for me to cut ties before things went any further. I was looking for something more serious, he wasn't. He assured me at that time that he just "didn't know where he was at" but that he really wanted to try to figure it out. Give it some time. At that point, we entered some weird FWB type thing, and it was worse than it was before. He was nicer and more affectionate when we were together, the sex was more caring, but then I wouldn't hear from him for two weeks. So it was better but we saw each other much less... In this time, both of us had a death in the family, and that pretty much killed it. When he forgot my birthday two months later, I blew up. I couldn't take it anymore, all the back and forth left me totally drained, so I finally told him I needed to move on. He told me he was sorry for hurting me, that he was sorry he couldn't be what I needed, but he "just wasn't there yet." That was the end of October, we've only talked once briefly since. 4. How long did the relationship last? 5 months. I ended it, but feel like he set me up to end it.
  11. I know there's a weird and unequal dynamic at work when one partner cares (or has more interest, wants to move a relationship to the next level, etc.) more than the other. I understand this. What I don't understand is why the other person tries to make you feel like there's something "wrong" with you because you feel/felt more. I had a lot of mixed emotions after leaving the last relationship I was in, but the one that still looms over me the most is shame. Rationally I know I shouldn't feel ashamed for having had feelings for someone who (in the end) couldn't return them, but another part of me feels so stupid, weak, and vulnerable. I find myself wishing I could switch places with him sometimes, and NOT feel anything.
  12. I never said for him to dump the new girl. My exact words were "don't use someone else to dull the pain." Having just been involved with someone who did this to me and then became uninterested after he was "over his ex," I'm speaking out of compassion for the other girl. I believe that these words, "I am not ready for a relationship" are some of the most conveniently unheard ever spoken by both sexes.
  13. I'm sorry you're going through this too I don't think she's contacting you to hurt you, per se, but it sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it to. She wants to know you still think of her and to keep herself present in your mind. The only way to avoid being electrocuted is to remove the power source. Stop reading her emails for a while. You are not responsible for her anymore, and no mattter how much you care(d) for her, she should no longer be your priority. You should be your #1 priority, especially now. She shouldn't look to you for advice, nor should you have to give it to her. She shouldn't be asking for your help, she has her "new man" for this. And probably friends and family to whom she can go before asking you. Am I right? Go online TODAY and fill out a change of address form and have your mail forwarded. Until then, you know you'll get mail there so go over and get it if you can when she's not around. I also agree with dnozzle, don't use someone else to dull the pain. You can't cheat your way out of it, and I promise you will feel 100 times worse when this current situation ends and you have to face the cold harsh truth that you're alone again and have probably hurt another person whilst trying to help yourself. You will respect yourself and learn more from this if you go through the healing process. It will be tough, but you will get through it and be stronger for it. Sorry if this is too blunt, but...as for her giving it a few months to see some changes in your life...it sounds more like she wants a few months to see if it works out with new guy before she returns groveling at your feet. I'd think twice about it personally. Cheating is a big no no in my book, but that's just me.
  14. I've cried each time I've broken up with someone. I really don't see it as any different in my situations, whether I've been the dumper or the dumped, since the reasoning was always the same - we weren't right for each other and needed to move on. It doesn't mean that it hurt any less, because what I hurt about was the loss of the hope I once had for the person and myself. Sometimes it was amicable and I was just kinda sad for a couple days, and sometimes it was an all out gut-wrenching cry fest complete with me going through all the steps of a recovering dumpee.
  15. I also want to say that I didn't mean this to come out sounding like I was rooting for the dumpers here. Nor was I trying to implant seeds of false hope for those who want their exes to return... Just trying to get some honest answers from people on why they did and how they felt after they did the dumping. I'm sure almost any woman can walk into any ol' bar and would pretty much be able to find someone to share a bed with for the night. I agree with Survictor, though, I don't think too many women would actually walk out of the bar with toothless Joe and feel good about herself in the morning (unless he's your type.) I'd also be willing to bet there aren't a ton of women who can say they walked into a bar, got really drunk, and wound up waking up next to Mr. Right either... And hey, even if you can land yourself a one nighter with Mr. Hot stuff, the quick ego boost isn't always worth the quick drop (like coming down off a sugar high) once the effect wears off and reality sets in. Some women have no problem with this, some do.
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