4answers

I agree 100 % Very truy. So why dont women just stop accepting these sort of guys and go for a guy they like, make the effort the same way we have to, if we like a girl. Sorry but I have very little sympathy for a girl who gets Used by a jerk. Girls your intellegent beings, We can see he is a jerk and so can you.

I agree 100% Just gone through the exact same. The end of the relationship is like a berievement. The person who was emotional interested in you has gone. The girl that remains is not the person who was emotionaly interest in you. She is a different person. The trouble with contact is that you cannot separate the two people and you expect her to act like the girl who had the emotional interest in you, but that interest is gone, for whatever reason. She cannot be that person any more. (Think back to when you desired and loved a girl and your feelings for her changed !!! You could not simply get them back and to her you would seem like to different people). That is one reason why you need no contact. The other is to grieve, yes greive the loss of the person who was emotional interested in you. Treat the person like they are no longer in existence. By no contact with the person your mind will get used to not having her there. It takes time and is V hard, going through the exact same now. Were here for you my friend. Regards 4 answers.

Hi there, I feel exactly the same as you do. Its natural to feel that way. Its not necassarily the person you miss but the positive emotional interest and relationship rewards (companionship, sex, intamacy etc) from being with someone you like. Someone who is of value to you. Although at times it does not feel like this and it can feel like it is your ex you miss. But that is because the ex was the last person to provide these emotional benifits, so its natural that when you miss these benifits your mind associates this with the ex and thereforeeee you miss her. But is is really not her your missing. To prove a point: sit down now, take a couple of deep breaths. Imagine your with your perfect partner, perfect woman for you, looks, shape, humour, intamacy, fun, absolutly perfect you cannot fault her. Its your ideal woman. Now imagine spending the day with her, picture this, run throught the event of the day in your mind. Allow yourself to feel the love you have for her and her for you, dont hold back. Now.... How does the thought of this encounter make you feel ? Great again Now.... Is the girl your ex ? NO, thereforeeee its not your ex you miss, but the benifits of being with someone who is of value to you and who considers you of value. That is what you miss, that is what you want. Its not your ex, she was but a pale imatation of what you want.

Exactly, He has used your low period in your life (which we all get) to befriend you and then has taken advantage for his own gratification. If he cared for you and wanted a relationship, then he would want to share the act of lovemaking with you. I personally would report this, as committing a sex act without someones permission is a crime. (if it was a stranger using date rape drug, you would report it). If he can do this to you, he will do it to others. The choice is yours. However putting that to one side, not all men are like this, dont let this unfortunate incedent taint your view of men. Just be mindfull that a few men and women can be like this. You take care 4answers.

Hi guys, Some advice from those who have been there ! I have parted with an ex, about one month full no contact, she may be with another, I suspect she is. But that is not the issue. We fell out, took two people, faults on both sides, but I cannot rid myself of the guilt, because 1. I tret her badly and 2. I did the needy obsesive ex, which lowered my value to her and drove her away. How do you deal with the sense of failure, guilt over actions and loss of the emotional interest / friendship of a significant other. Its just gone ! like it never happened, but the painfull memories are still there, the regret is still there and the longing for her ! I still feel like contacting her on msn, but I wont. How can I have been so wrong in my level of attraction to her compared to her level of attraction to me ? People talk about moving on ! But I always regret when a relationship fails, how can someone else not feel the same way ? (I mean a once loving relationship).

Agree 100% (Men often say in humour, what women want and what they say they want are 100% the oposite). Do you want the guy with the instant excitement.... Its instant for a reason, its false... As you have found out the hard way. Or do you want the guy where once you have gotten to know each other, the excitement is there. As an interesting thought. Guys often talk about sex. A girl who is easy to get into bed and is a sure thing is genearaly not as good in bed as someone who you have taken the time to get to know and share lovemaking. Its the same for the excitement of love and romance.

This is so true ! Remember guys who are just after a bit of fun, display a lot of confidence when talking to a girl they are not really into. This is becase he has little emotional interest in the connection and thereforeeee little to lose by the rejection. This comes accross as confidence. The nice guy who may really like you, has a lot of emotions connected with being with you and thereforeeee has a lot more to lose if rejected. So they will come accross as not confident. Result : a turnoff. Solution: Women give them a chance ! Get to know them, dont just go for the confident guy who appears to be nice, he is fooling no one but you and by the time you realise what type of man he is, your on heartbreak road, looking for that hotel we all know....

Because you did not contact straight away, she has not had time to wene herself of the relationship with you, evan though that is what she is wanting. Dumpers use the emotional interest of the ex to bolster them against lonliness until they find another and then fully cut the ex from their lives. (Most of the time, not always). This action leaves the ex, dangling on a string, walking on egg shels, needy ex partner, begging to get back together and then suffering rejection and heartbreak at the loss. As well as a host of other negative emotions. If you do no contact straight away to allow yourself to heal !!!! (V important for you, not the ex) this will mean you will be facing the enevitable and the lonliness straight away ! Note: this also forces your ex to face this straght away! This pain causes them to keep in contact, Remember they are thinking of I not US ! So you should to. Contact hurts you and allows your ex to heal and move on. No contact allows you to heal, move on and hurts your ex ! They finished you, So good if the decision hurts them. ((( What I will do in the future, if finished. I will first of ask that my ex writes a letter telling me why they want to end the relationship and why they do not wish to reconcile. Then after that I will reply with a letter saying I do not wish this and if she wishes to contact me to reconcile then I will be open to that. After that 100% No contact. If this actions hurts her, then she can reconcile or face lonliness. Her choice ! Her decision to end. )))

Very good advice. I wish all dumbers showed as much consideration for someone who they used to care for and for someone who cares for them. Usually what happens is they string you along with false hopes, whilst they look for another partner and then flaunt this person in your face. How can someone who was so loving to you once, be so cruel to you now. Did it mean nothing to them ! This is a much better way, kinder, more considerate and more respectfull.

When someone begins a relationship with another person, they like the person to meet and be friends with their friends. This is natural. As the relationship progresses, your friends will get to know your significant other more and more and they will become friends in their own right. When a split happens it puts people in an akward position. Your friends are still friends with your ex and vice versa. An uncomfortable situation for all, if the split was on bad terms ! (if you and your ex were still together, you would not have a problem him talking to your girl as a friend ! It should be the same now ! The only problem now is that YOUR emotions are involved). Your ex is not your girl. If she is a friend, she is entitiled to her friends, if she is not a friend, she is still entitiled to her friends. It is part of the difficulties and fall out of a relationship end.... Sucks for all concerned...... No exceptions.

Alert the authorities. If not just for your sake, for the sake of others who you do not know about. Could you live with yourself, knowing she has done this to other young boys ! Alert the authorities.

Sorry if my direct aproach came out wrong. The whole point was about shyness! Of couse not all guys are jerks. I am not and I have aproached lots of women, but I have also been very shy in my past. So I know from first hand experience how hard this is. Now I am not as the previous post read, having a go at women. Nor am I bitter. But if a woman just waits for a guy to aproach her then she will get lots of guys who are after just one thing and some who are generally interested in her. Thats up for her to work out which. Point is, that these girls are open, friendly and aproachble. So is the shy guy ! But she just sees him as a friendly guy and he sees her as a friendly girl. So without some indication from her that she finds him atractive, or some effort from her to talk to him, then she will lose out on a possible good relationship. Yes I know the exact same can be aplied to the guy. So a standoff. If both shy neither will comunicate ! But what seems to happen, is that the girl will not waste time on the shy guy, not give him any indication that she finds him atractive and will accept the attentions of the guy who approaches her ! Jerk or non jerk. Now the girl may say, well if he cant be bothered to make the effort, then he must not like me that much. But in the case of shy people that is 100% wrong. Life would be simpler if both girl and boy let there feelings known, let the other person know they are atracted to them. But girls apear to wait for the guy to aproach before doing this ! Generalisation I know. If the guy does not do this, even though he is friendly open and aproachable, because he is interested she will just dismiss him because he did not make the effort. So it is up to the guy to aproach and risk being shot down, rejected. It is the fear of this that prevents the shy guy from doing this! And the girl who will lose out on someone who has genuinly strong loving feelings towards her and will value her in his life more than someone who does not have those feelings for her.

Harsh title, but bear with me. This is a quote from a previous thread dealing with men who are afraid of rejection. I am always warm, friendly and approachable WHEN I AM INTERESTED. I have heard this so many times from women, they are FRIENDLY & APROACHABLE !!!!! FRIENDLY AND APROACHABLE !!!!!. Ie a Friend and if the guy approaches them, then they may go out with him. That is the whole problem. A shy guy, cannot pluck up the courage to ask a girl out due to the depilitating affects of shyness. Nor can he tell if she is aproachable if she is just being friendly. So he will look for indications of interest, ie initaition from the girl, so that he definatly knows she is interested. Now girls will be friendly to most people, just as guys will. If she is interested she will be aproachable, but if she is not interested she will not be aproachable..... !!!!!! NOT A PROBLEM AT ALL FOR A GUY TO KNOW IF SHE IS APROACHABLE (INTERESTED) NOT APROACHABLE (NOT INTERESTED). IF HE CANNOT DUE TO SHYNESS APROACH HER....... Oh I forgot, in school girls, they clearly tell you men are telepathic ! we will just read your thoughts, know your aproachable and then ask you out. You have to let the guy know you are interested ! or all you will get is the jerks who just want to use you and every other girl. The reason these guys can approach you with all their, sweet talk. Is that they have no emotional interest, feelings in you. Your another knotch on the bed post ! And then you complain about men being B****. Who's fault is it, if you only respond to jerks who can aproach you with confidence and bull. Instead of the guys who really like you but dont want to suffer rejection from you. As an analogy: If you go to buy a car that you just want to use for a while, you will buy a cheap banger ! You will not spend any time in deciding or thinking about the purchase. You will use it, show it no respect and dump it. It is easy to replace. But if you have your heart (emotions, feelings) set on a car that you have always wanted and spent a long time making sure that this is the car that you r heart is set on, then you will take care of it, value it, show it respect and keep it for as long as possible. It is that simple ! The only reason someone is afraid of rejection or shy is because they have emotions involved. Someone who has no emotions involved is not afraid of rejection because they were not very that interested and have little or no emotional attachment feeling to lose. I really hate women who bleat about guys mistreating them and then are * * * * *es to decent guys ! What i really cant understand is that if you find someone physically attractive then you have an emotional interest in them, this equates to the natural desire to talk to them. If you then like their personality, your emotional attachment / interest to them increase and their value to you increases and you ask them out. If you get along with fun times you will be in a relationship. Now what here Girls am I missing !?! You only seem to like a guy after he has talked to you, filled you full of bull, telling you exactly what you want to here. Then and only then do you seem to like him. Does not make any sense. !!! Women are from venus..lol Why not see a guy who you like and let him know, then get to know him ? Please dont take offence if this post apears blunt, but it is straight to the point.

Hi Rose I am sorry i dont understand ! The guy does not know if he finds you atractive but he did, now he doesnt ! Solution: write to his Mum and ask if he is allowed out to play, as long as you have him in before 10. lol. Sounds like this girl fancied him and slaged you off, so she can be with him. Harsh when this happens, but the loss is his. If she can do this now, imagine if you were engaged or married to A Guy, not just this guy ! Bloody lucky ascape with this false friend !

Perhaps there in lies the answer ! A diamond necklace is only valuable to someone because its rare ! but if the streets were littered with diamonds, then you would not think twice of getting rid of a diamond necklace. Some guys are looking for a special girl, one who they will treat nice. So they will try to get to know her and what her to try to get to know him... you know the 50 - 50 stuff ! Yet there are some guys who will go with a lass just to be with her !!!! They are not really into her, but in order for her to be into them they will tell the girl exactly what she want to hear. Now because he is not really into her and in his eyes a (forgive the wording) new piece of skirt is available he will go for her. It seems women are so selfish as to only be considering what they want that they will go for any guy who appears to satisfy this. Where as the nice guy who is not filling her full of bull is left with wilted roses. Ever heard the saying "If it sounds to good to be true, it is" Words Words Words, Actions are what counts. Dont just go for the guys who give you what you want to hear. "Oh I like romance"....so he sends you flowers and then beds you. Or the nice guy who sends you flowers because he cares and you did not mention you like flowers.