DimCrayola

Today I begin NC. This makes day 1. This is a bit hard as I just saw him yesterday. It was uneventful but at this point there is no reason for us to be in contact. I know in the future he will reach out as I have some personal belongings at his place but for now I am in self preservation mode. I have to stop getting to close to the fire because I ALWAYS get burned. Cheers to day one!

Thanks for responding. I am trying to find a therapist. I guess sleeping with some one new after a break up isn't cheating but still I feel a sense of guilt. I mean once I think we for sure were broken up and the other time I wasn't sure what the heck was going on or when the next time we would break up would be. The point is that I have always been afraid of losing him and the unwillingness to visit me was adding to my insecurities. I did what I did with other guys to make myself feel better. I wanted to see that my life wasn't on hold for him to decide if he wanted me and only me. I guess I wasn't sure about him, now I am. Those other relations with the other men happened once each and that is all. No extra relationship sprouted and the idea or thougt of doing it again has not crossed my mind. My LD man is the one for me and I can feel that in my heart and soul I just feel so awful that we have so much baggage you know?

Thank you so much for the kind words. I guess I do have some qualities that make me not such a bad person. I guess at times I let guilt bring me down. I have a lot to think about but I certainly appreciate your replies! THANK YOU!

No I think at times I wasn't happy. Those times were times I felt insecure about loving someone so far away who may or may not feel the same way. I know he loves me...it's taken some time for it to develope but he does. In my heart he is the one. I have had feelings for him for years before we got together and I would love to live closer to him. I am glad you didn't think of my as like the worst person in the world. That has been something going through my head... Anyhow, thanks for responding. I needed some advice, words of wisdom and some help I guess.

Hi everyone. I am new and in some major pain over a relationship I have. It is long distance and has been for almost three years. This man and I live about a hundred miles away. At first I drove to visit him anytime I could. We eventually found ourselves in a relationship. Shortly after that determination he started making comments about not feeling like he was in a relationship because he never saw me. I don't know how to explain our entire relationship but the point is I fell in love with him and always felt that he was bound to leave me...all the signs were there. In fact we broke up and got back together several times. Each break up lasts about a week. It's a week of hell for me. I really fell for him and each break up has been so traumatic for me. Anyhow, once when we broke up I slept with someone else. I wanted to get back together with my boyfriend who dumped me (for sending him an email telling him how special he was and that I wanted a future with him). I feel that what I did was so wrong. I know technically I can't say that it was cheating because I was dumped at the time but still I feel so guilty. Another point in our relationship I was intimate with someone else. We weren't broken up at the time. I don't know why I did it, and I feel so guilty. That was almost two years ago. I just know that there is so much stuff that is wrong with our relationship that I feel like I ruined our chances of having something special. I want him, in my heart I have always known I wanted to marry him but there was always something to making me feel that the rug could be pulled out from under me. Can we work? Two weeks ago he broke up with me again because the distance was just too much. I was asking for him to drive to visit me more often and he just doesn't like my town and my roommate so he refused. Anyhow, I felt unimportant to him. I couldn't understand why if he loved me he wouldn't want to drive to see me. Anyhow, he sewpt me off my feet for my birthday and told me he loved me a lot and that he wants things to work. Should I trust that? Should tell him about my guilt? Can things work after being this confusing? There is something pure about our feelings...but it just always seems there is something that ruins it for us. One is the distance...any thoughts?